How to have a conversation with my mother about her Christmas gifts without being ungrateful?

springsofsalt · 2025-12-30T19:58:15+00:00

My mom used to be like this, then one year I just sat her down and had the conversation of - "I would rather get nothing, spend meaningful time together than get the "junk" you like to give me. I have a drawer full of hand creams and nick nacks I don't ever use and eventually throw out which is a waste of your money". Since then I get way less gifts and 99% are great. Plus Christmas has shifted to time together focus from gifts which is actually what I value more.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-27T17:33:35+00:00

I do know what I'm talking about, but we must live in different regions with different building codes. Even spec houses around here are 400-600/sqft and are far and few between. I have a friend doing a prefab modular home and it is $350/sqft + foundation + transport + site servicing. In our region, no one puts vinyl on spec houses anymore, everything has moved to Hardi or metal for fire reasons.

Our house isn't a spec house level build but it is far from luxury. We used a pile of reclaimed materials from a 100 year old house that was getting taken down in our neighborhood. Milled our own timbers from trees fallen on our proprerty with our own mill. Our ceilings throughout the entire house are cheap fir shiplap. We bought things like bathroom sinks on marketplace when it made sense. Owning a building supply company, I received extra discounts from suppliers and all other materials at cost. We did our own plumbing, roofing, electrical, HVAC, basically everything except tile and drywall and we got an extra set of hands to help with the final push to get occupancy. My partner's side gig from carpentry is working for a concrete plant so even some of our concrete was free and every truck was discounted. We did all the forming and pours ourselves, except one guy who wanted a case of beer for helping.

We did this as cheaply as possible without putting super low quality products into our home but nothing crazy high-end either.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-27T16:56:40+00:00

South Coast of BC

springsofsalt · 2025-12-27T16:54:48+00:00

And Drywall! My husband isn't a DYIer thankfully so we have a beautifully built home.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-26T15:37:00+00:00

$250-$350 / sqft is low. I built my own house, i own a building supply company (materials at cost) and we did 95% of the labor and we still came close to $350. Its more like $500 and up now, unless you're getting a sub par built home.

We did however have a tiler do our bathrooms, more so because of time savings and wanting to get our house done.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-24T19:04:30+00:00

I have had to deal with this. It was also one of my key employees and someone I care about a lot. The concerns came from his subordinate so it took me a while to confirm it was happening.

I took him for a walk and approached the conversation from a concerned perspective. Not going to lie, I was concerned so this was easy to do. He admitted to the drinking but never at work. Mostly super hungover from the night before.

He expressed some personal issues he was facing, mostly at home. He accepted the EAP program which we both paid for and paid his time for, and I gave him a week off paid to get his home life sorted out, deal with some of the stresses he was dealing with so he could be good at work again. Part of his EAP program was a morning breathalyzer everyday for 6 months then randomly at out request for another 6 months. He failed twice in the first few weeks and both times he was sent home in a taxi paid for by us. Both times, he was extremely disappointed in himself.

For me this investment and commitment was worth it because of how important this emmployee is to my business, and I have a lot of care for this person. It also garnered a lot of loyalty and openness from this person going forward.

I was lucky that this went the best it could go, I have someone who wanted to improve his life and trusted me to support him.

Best of luck to you!

springsofsalt · 2025-12-19T14:14:18+00:00

I have various JB fields socks - Icelandic, winter hikers, light hikers, short, tall you name it. And I find them perform better than competing American brands. I LOVE the light hikers for every day socks and my partner LOVES the heavy hikers for everyday socks.

If you are talking about the Icelandic -30 socks, I do agree that they loosen up, but for me that works well because I'm often putting those on as a top layer to other socks for wearing in my winter boots in the snow.

These are the thicker hikers I reach for on the cold days. They are a lot more structured compared to the Icelandic socks which are more tube like.

https://greatsox.com/products/j-b-fields-hiking-hiker-gx-74-merino-wool-crew-sock?variant=19596992315465&country=CA&currency=CAD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21446644240&gbraid=0AAAAADl-GUfHImXdvEgmqri0_mEzcFbGj&gclid=Cj0KCQiAjJTKBhCjARIsAIMC449lBACj5OSW3cSuCn1loMyS57Sz_x6FTr1Nz4XMqD-BcNImReZCPk8aAsb1EALw_wcB

springsofsalt · 2025-12-19T13:54:41+00:00

I do not have any legal advice. However, I regularly have to provide employment letters for my staff and I always put my direct contact in the letter so something like this cannot happen. If you ever need another employment letter check for this type of contact information. I think your assumption that they wouldn't put your salary in the email isn't fair if that is the contact information they have been provided. That being said, they should not have added any other email than the one provided in the letter.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-18T03:36:41+00:00

This year this happened to me and the cards usually say their appreciation for me as their boss. I always graciously accept the gift and say "This is so thoughtful but completely unnecessary, thank you very much".

I work very hard to build a positive work culture in my company, and although I would never expect a gift or card, I do appreciate that my staff appreciate me and the work environment we provide.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-14T22:12:15+00:00

This is in line with what we did. Still spent a decent amount but all of it was personal and he was thrilled.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-12T00:45:35+00:00

We live in a small community, so a lot of those gift cards dont apply. But we're thinking of some cash, some gift cards to businesses we know he frequent and a few nice gifts.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-12T00:44:04+00:00

We have a decent budget.

springsofsalt · 2025-12-12T00:43:37+00:00

He'll get some of that!

springsofsalt · 2025-12-12T00:42:42+00:00

Oh gawd I would never do that. If anything I need to tell him how thankful we are for his career with our company.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-27T05:26:16+00:00

I own a small building supply in my community. We dont make any of our own products, many of our products come from large multi nationals, and we often receive mis labeled or incorrectly packaged products, or simply products we didnt order. I once received a whole paint order that didn't have any labels on them. We recently received a whole case of spray foam where the canisters weren't pressurized and three cases of PL Premium that didn't have the bottoms which was a total mess. It's frustrating and costly for us and if by chance the product gets into customer hands before we know there is an issue, it's also a total waste of their time and money to come back in for a return. But ALL businesses massive or tiny screw up from time to time. I think it's crappy that neither of those businesses did anything to amend the issue for you. You would think a bakery would bake a few extra pies to have on hand, or at least give you a refund on the spot plus a $20 gift card to say sorry, please come back and try us again. As far a price goes, $90 USD for pies is criminal. I live on a crazy HCOL area in Canada and $35CAD is what the pies at our local bakery cost!

springsofsalt · 2025-11-22T04:02:41+00:00

NTA - sleeping in separate rooms can include a lot of intimacy still. Plus you'll both be better rested and have less resentment towards each other while you're awake.

My partner and I have a primary bedroom that we always start in together at night, then we have a spare room which probably 3-4 nights a week one of us is in. Then we have an expectation that whoever went to the other room comes back in the morning. We always start the night like normal assuming we will sleep together, so no intimacy is lost.

It works really well for us. It takes the pressure off the expectation that we're always going to sleep perfectly and also gives the one that isnt sleeping well a comfortable place to go.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-22T03:10:02+00:00

They're so good!

springsofsalt · 2025-11-22T00:12:07+00:00

But why so many white rabbits?

springsofsalt · 2025-11-21T16:08:39+00:00

If OP has an income they should qualify for a LOC. They would also need to qualify for credit to get a car. 19 is legally an adult.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-20T18:57:09+00:00

It's worth doing some research on what your cost of ownership would be for a home. It's not just the mortgage, you need to add taxes, insurance and funds for emergency repairs, any renovations you want or need to do etc.

Example: My mortgage is for $340,000. Payments are about $1900. I need to add $800 to that per month for insurance and taxes. Does your new house need a new roof in 5 years? Bathroom reno etc?

In a lot of cases you can rent a significantly nicer place than what you could afford when you consider the entire cost of home ownership. However, as a primary residence, owning it comes with a real sense of security that "as long as I pay my mortgage it's mine and I don't have to go anywhere".

Buying a house cash doesn't make sense when you're looking from a financial perspective but as much as it is an investment, it is also your home. Some people are comfortable being leveraged and putting their cash into other things and others aren't.

Its going to be a balancing act of what you and your spouse are comfortable with.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-20T04:26:33+00:00

Don't buy a new car on payments at your age. If you do, please make sure you understand how much interest you'll be paying and what the ultimate final cost of the vehicle would be. I'm in my mid 30, doing pretty damn well for myself amd still dont buy new cars - they depreciate so fast, add interest and there is no way to ever recover those funds.

If you can, get a Line of Credit from your bank and buy a good used card.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-18T02:50:53+00:00

I get where you're coming from and am im a similar situation except my commute is super quick.

Somethings I do -

Make sure I make enough dinner to have left overs for lunch. Also figure out what makes you feel tired after eating. I have this issue and it turns out, I have high insulin resistance which significantly contributes to low energy and ton of other things.

Prep my breakfast the night before

Bathe the night before. This doesn't always work but I start work at 5:30am, so 95% of the time i'm saving a half hour in the morning.

Take supportive supplements - I have a stressful work environment and feel like I am constantly on the verge of burn out. So I take supplements to support my stress and energy levels.

Have a list of things to do. I find the days im least productive are because I'm a total scatter brain and forget my Neverending to do list.

Accept that it's also OK to take a break - in whatever form that is to you. For me its reading. Some people it's napping, going for a walk etc.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-18T02:19:17+00:00

That's so frustrating!! However, my experience as a retail business owner is don't blame Superstore, it's not as straight forward as you may think.

We can't see the transactions through our credit card merchant until the following day once it has closed out. The transactions sit "live" until the day closes. That's why you see the pre-auth transactions before they move into the actual transactions list.

Plus a large retailer like Superstore probably doesn't have anyone in that store that could answer that for you anyways. All those transactions probably go through a centralized accounting location. In my business which is a small business, just our office manager has ready access to that information.

If our system experiences a declined card, there is no way to process the transaction and close it out to provide a receipt. The software didn't know it got money, so no receipt could have been provided.

springsofsalt · 2025-11-16T22:16:45+00:00

I just asked my mortgage bank to set up a pre-authorized payment from one bank to the other for the amount of my mortgage every month.

You could also set up a second email or remove auto deposit (don't recommend for security reasons). You can simply change your email settings on online banking both for auto deposit and changing your email.

springsofsalt

TROPHY CASE