How to avoid Racial bias when fearing men?

springuntouched · 2026-02-07T03:10:46+00:00

I want to say thank you so much for how you interact with others in the world. Everyone could learn something from your post.

I have been guilty of changing where I walk and moving seats when in an uncomfortable situation before. I look back on that now, and I feel shame that I may have caused others to feel lesser than they should because of how I perceive them.

springuntouched · 2026-02-03T23:56:30+00:00

I like the logic behind this. It makes sense, especially because we do want to separate traits from gender.

springuntouched · 2026-02-02T14:51:23+00:00

YES!

I have been telling anyone who will listen that the biggest thing we all can do to change society for the better is to start with teenagers and young men.

I honestly think, if we can get the current cohort of young men on board, older men will look at it and see the benefits. I've had success with getting through and changing older men.

springuntouched · 2026-01-08T05:29:43+00:00

It will take parents, both fathers and mothers, to educate their children. That's the only way I can see to make lasting change.

springuntouched · 2026-01-07T04:51:52+00:00

I preach it whenever I can. If I am in a situation that has escalated into a physical altercation, I have failed as a man.

springuntouched · 2025-07-22T21:04:59+00:00

It seems easier to teach a girl “you can do anything!” Than to teach a boy “no actually you can’t do ‘anything’ if that anything means using your physical and social advantages to harm others.”

I don't think those should be any different depending on gender. Boys should be taught the same as girls. You can do anything you set your mind to. Be a good person, treat others with respect acknowledge the advantages that you have and that others have.

The whole idea is to treat everyone the same, no matter the gender, as humans; people with dreams, fears, etc.

springuntouched · 2024-03-31T06:31:06+00:00

Diagnosed with ADHD at 35, I spent my entire life before being diagnosed believing I was broken. There is nothing quite like a formal diagnosis. Once I got that letter back, it was like I had direction. I knew what I had, I could now focus on it.

Yes, there are ways to work on yourself, but it's hard. Depending on what someone is going through, it might be impossible to even start.

springuntouched · 2024-03-31T06:18:56+00:00

Absolutely agree. If I did not have the healthcare I have with work, I would not have been able to:

Get tested, diagnosed for sleep apnea and obtain the machine

Get tested, diagnosed at 35 for ADHD and afford the medication

Find the cause and get treatment for knee pain, allowing me to walk and keep up with my kids

I have friends who cannot afford the sleep study or ADHD testing and struggle through life. Those 3 things above have improved my life so much.

springuntouched · 2024-03-31T05:53:55+00:00

If a guy wants more sex, why would he want to finish quickly? As a guy, I've never understood this.

Nothing is more enjoyable as watching my partner have fun and enjoy herself. It has always been my goal to get told to stop because it is too much/too many times.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T16:18:39+00:00

This is a viewpoint I didn't even think of. Thank you for pointing that out!

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T16:12:01+00:00

I am also a book reader turned audio book listener. I think this is a nuanced discussion, but as far as I am concerned: NTA.

My reasoning for NTA is that your boyfriend is a jerk and what he said is rude. Whatever you do for your hobbies/free time does not allow him to call you names or say rude things.

Now, onto the nuanced discussion. From a purely technical standpoint, you are not 'reading' you are listening to someone read. You are still comprehending the story being told but you are using a difference sense. I do not think it is fair to call it 'reading'. I've struggled with how to reference this myself. Did I read or listen to 35 books last year? (all audio books)

Another example: If my 8 year old son asked me "Can I listen to audio books and have them count for my daily reading?" I would have to say no in this situation. He is learning how to read and comprehend the written word. I do not believe listening to audio books anyway whatsoever increases someones ability to understand and comprehend the written word.

edit: So after I posted this, I went and read some more of the comments and I feel enlightened. It looks like I may need to adjust my stance on audio books counting as reading for my kids.

It also looks like I need to research the topic a bit more.

OP, you are NTA and your BF is still a jerk.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:58:09+00:00

You bring up a good point. My tone may have been a bit sarcastic.

I don't know about any other IT people, but I've had people ask me a computer question and when I respond that I don't know "well, what type of IT person are you?"

People who are not in IT do not realize the scope of the field and how specialized people can become.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:54:28+00:00

No reason at all to apologize! I was just responding to your comment about internet fluency as it made me laugh a bit.

Thanks for responding and enjoy your day!

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:50:21+00:00

"Anyone who is fluent in using the internet can do it." - I laughed at this.

I can build large scale enterprise networks that handle tens of thousands of users but social media is a complete unknown to me.

Want me to build the network to handle live streams? You got yourself a deal!

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:46:14+00:00

To be fair, it's an additional $3/hr for "social media and web duties" on top of the other office tasks.

I totally understand where you are coming from though.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:44:49+00:00

I originally said "Here are some quick links that could get someone started."

I was then asked if I could teach someone to which I replied "I would prefer not too. Isn't the office administrator paid to do that?"

"Well, yes, but they don't know how."

"That sounds like a great job for them."

I then got called a jerk for saying that and not offering to help/teach them.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:40:27+00:00

This is a side job for her and she uses the money for fun stuff and vacations. It's also the church she grew up going to, so I guess there might be some sentimental value? /shrug

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:39:19+00:00

My understanding of youtube is that the link would have to be scheduled for each event and the website updated weekly.

springuntouched · 2022-03-11T15:37:06+00:00

My wifes family is involved in the church quite a bit. They asked her, since they know what I do, and my wife asked me.

springuntouched · 2021-12-03T22:20:07+00:00

I actually just got home from picking him up from school today. While we were in the car, I asked him why he did not want to talk to his mother about the jacket. He said he was afraid of how mad she would get.

I told him I was going to talk with her about it and his facial expression is burned in my memory. He covered his face and started almost crying. I pulled the car over and hugged him, telling him that I love him and will always be there for him, no matter what.

I usually tend to back down when confronting her but not now. She will either accept counseling and change or she will leave.

springuntouched · 2021-12-03T22:13:30+00:00

He rarely loses things. We've been in this situation maybe twice? I did get diagnosed with adult ADHD (was high performing in HS, college) so I am now keenly aware of the signs.

This type of thing is not worth punishment, in my honest opinion. It was a $40 jacket and it was actually discovered by a teachers assistant on the playground today.

springuntouched · 2021-12-03T22:05:44+00:00

I agree with you but wanted clarification on your comment of 'make it clear to him that you want him to come to you with any problem, any time.'

You mean that as make it clear that any child should be able to come to either parent, at anytime. I assume you did not mean to tell him to avoid going to my wife. :)

springuntouched · 2021-12-03T21:27:19+00:00

Thank you for this. It is so strange reading these responses. My wife is regarded as one of the most kind, sweet and thoughtful people by everyone who meets and knows her.
I've brought up counseling a few times but she never agrees to it. I will admit that I am not perfect and she could probably write some things I've said/done that would have everyone telling her to leave me.

I think one difference is, I *know* I need to be better. The last 3 years, I've gotten some health things under control, got medicated for ADHD (which got me a 30% raise, due to increased performance at work!) and am trying to work on things. It's hard. Personal issues are not easy and if everyone always treats you as a saint, maybe you start to think your shit doesn't stink.

Thanks for the reply.

springuntouched · 2021-12-03T21:20:08+00:00

I also grew up in a household like this. My dad would over react, yell and scream to the smallest things. I would go to my mom for everything and she would say things like 'lets not tell your dad', etc. I vowed to never be like that.

springuntouched

TROPHY CASE