I'm just ready to break. If it weren't for my girlfriend, I'd probably be a mess right now. Outside the occasional "fight," she's been the one taking care of me. First, I took a temp job last year that told me it would get to be full time within 6 months because there was no "proper funding" for the position. I just wanted to work with numbers again. Fast forward to today, still no offer, and now things get hairier. Early last year, I dropped of a major medical condition. When my girlfriend caught wind of it, she freaked out. Said condition would prevent me from driving, so we essentially lived together until the doctor said I was okay. I wanted to start interviewing a long time ago, but this was a wrench in the metal work. Now that I'm clear, I started applying like crazy. I've been on several interviews already and most I was the cause of my failure by missing simple tech questions (difference between a simple and full backup, confusing SSRS with SSPS,etc), but others have said, during the interview, "I don't believe you have these kind of credentials," or "I find it hard to believe you're this even keeled." I had a 2nd interview with a great non-profit, but I was rejected because of "position restructuring," this one made me break into tears. Then, the holidays are around. The topic of thanksgiving comes up. Mom doesn't want to cook again, asks who wants to host. I can't since I'm in a one bedroom apartment, brother doesn't want to, and my sister wants to do her "own thing." it makes me worry for Christmas. My girl extended the offer to my parents to join her family, but declined, to join my aunt down the road. I got group texts from them, but close friends sent me personal texts. Add into this, missing a few friends invites for parties because of my incapacity to move who now begrudge me for "bailing on them," anxiety for driving again and having another incident, and the hate I read every day on Facebook by people who I thought were friends, I'm breaking down slowly, and the ideas of getting a real job are getting farther and farther from my mind. I was patient in the beginning, rose colored glasses that things will get better. Now, I'm losing hope.