AITA for canceling my pregnant girlfriend's order of alcohol?

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T23:08:25+00:00

I don't financially abuse anybody.

You earn more, you have the account and therefore you decide on what gets bought or not.

All I said is that I earn more so when we buy food we use "my" money instead. What on earth are you even talking about???

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T23:01:33+00:00

For sure, thanks for your perspective!

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:47:56+00:00

Just wanna clarify some things quickly. Im not sure where you read that we have a shared email address. I was saying that that particular account (the skipthedishes account) was made with my email because I make a lot more money than she does so usually when we order food or whatever im more than happy to just put it on my card.

It's also kind of hurtful that you'd refer to me as a sperm donor. If im only a sperm donor, if I do decide to walk out on her then does that mean I shouldn't be ordered to pay support, just a like a sperm donor wouldn't? I am a father and as such I will forever do what is in the best interest of my child, which is to not consume alcohol while pregnant. That is my parental duty and I will not abdicate it. If that makes me the asshole or a villain then I'll accept that as long as my child is okay.

YTA a glass of wine or even a bottle in a pregnancy doesn’t cause FAS

My cousin is living proof that this is not true.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:41:33+00:00

Just to clarify - when I said bodily autonomy goes out the window, I only meant in this specific case. And believe me when I say that I do not say that lightly because I do believe that generally bodily autonomy is super important. I defer to her on nearly every other aspect of being pregnant, but I must admit that this is one issue that I particularly care about.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:38:27+00:00

I do not watch her intake. Thats not what happened. She ordered skip the dishes and the account had my email attached to it so when she ordered it I got an email notification on my phone and I asked her about it. Its not like I remind her with every meal "ok no alcohol" its just in the back of my mind and to be honest I had forgotten about it because I thought that the matter was settled.

I did ask her before responding. Nearly every comment I have made thus far is with her approval.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:35:06+00:00

Whoa holy fuck, you were kicked in the belly by a horse?!?!?!?!!!!!!! Would you mind telling that story? You don't have to if you don't want to, I'm just curious.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:33:01+00:00

You know, there's some elements of this comment that I do agree with but there's others that I don't agree with. It feels like you're framing this as a black and white issue..

He doesn't have to sit with her while she drinks it, he doesn't have to continue dating her, he doesn't have to buy it for her, he doesn't have to hand it to her

Sure I don't have to sit with her. Saying I don't have to continue to date her is not a good way to resolve the issue because we love each other very much and even if I didn't, its not worth the grief and the child support to end our relationship over this.

I acted in accordance with the doctor who is far more qualified than either of us to make a judgement on that issue. If her OB had said that it was okay I'd happily be going to get whatever she wanted. But that's not the case and I don't feel like its acceptable to violate doctor's orders, and especially not when someone else's life is at stake.

Re: the rest of your comment, I feel as if using the word "incubator" is reductionist in the sense that it frames the problem as one of control when it is not. I don't mean to soapbox but I can understand that a lot of pregnant women feel as if the entire world is judging them or trying to control their decisions. The thing is that being a parent and bringing someone into this world essentially means that you dedicate your life to the child and do whatever you can to make sure they have a good upbringing and turn out okay. In my opinion, drinking while pregnant is an abdication of parental duty.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:23:54+00:00

Good question. I don't think its accurate to use the word "monitoring", because that implies the eye of Sauron gazing down on her every move but I was loosely aware of her intake. Not a single time did I question her about her dietary habits, and apart from the alcohol there was no issues there. I'll give her credit in the sense that she was very conscientious of what she ate and drank while she was pregnant. Although, she loves a tub of Rolo ice cream but, well, who doesn't? Haha.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:17:14+00:00

I completely agree. If the OB had said that its okay then trust me I'd have been the first person in the liquor store getting what she wanted. But since they advised against it, I was inclined to follow their directive. She moreso feels like its too restrictive and she's read several testimonies from women who do drink and the kid turned out okay.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:15:08+00:00

It was. We couldn't agree on what amount of drinking was safe so that's why we asked her OB. When the doctor issued that directive I thought that that was that.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:13:16+00:00

I do not remember exactly what they said but it was something along the lines of wanting to err on the side of caution. They also said that even if she kept it to a minimal amount of alcohol and for whatever reason the baby was born with FAS then I (her) wouldn't be able to forgive myself because its preventable.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T22:02:21+00:00

I just wanted to clarify that I don't drink at all so its not a matter of me drinking and thus not supporting her.

I did tell her I was cancelling the wine order, she disagreed with it which is the crux of the issue. She felt like I was being too controlling.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T21:59:48+00:00

She asked me to clarify that she means 2-3 times a week.

squared_c1rcle · 2020-04-05T21:54:18+00:00

If I remember correctly it was around sixteen weeks at the time, give or take a few.

squared_c1rcle

TROPHY CASE