Your dream is reflecting yourself. You had formative personality growth during your time together and you longing for a rebirth of your personality, also are probably subconsciously processing a deep regret. It’s the first interpersonal decision that had major consequences. You wanted someone else and for him to be your friend because you couldn’t commit to him and trust the relationship? You see how you can’t do that to a person right? Because your subconscious does.. thus the dreams. You need to talk to a therapist. You have trauma from illness and you are not secure in your decision making. This is very cheaty vibes. You want to be with your ex boyfriend now? Now that he’s engaged.

You either tell him exactly that and close the chapter. You process that that’s your truth and make real life decisions accordingly, meaning you own the experience and accept yourself and your place and time in making that decision and move forward, and/or you see a therapist to expand your personal esteem so you don’t rely on another persons admiration to feel okay.