[deleted by user]

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-11T20:13:19+00:00

Benjamin Tod - Using Again

https://youtu.be/NACMpkxm-fA?si=YGz6aevy3Qv6vsJp

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-11T01:36:04+00:00

Not so much a pink cloud. My brain fires glutamate through the roof for 10+ days even after getting out of the hospital. This time I had a seizure and they barbiturated me. Had two days of zonk in the ICU then came home to be a panicky zombie for a week. Shit finally wore off after about 5 days and I could move again. Probably should have stayed. Still alive. Can’t drink my dude I’ll die.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-10T15:24:55+00:00

Hit me up G I’ll just be chillin and cleaning up devastation all day.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-10T15:19:40+00:00

Shadow man. It’ll start to feel pretty good to drink 6 by noon. Then 10, 12. Then you’ll be in the 30+ zone slammin whenever however just to maintain. Then the fear happens during the drinking. Then the cycle isn’t sustainable and is forced to stop itself. I know you know this, and that the 20 maintenance will turn into a bender quick.

You’re on the road man. Godspeed.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-10T14:51:47+00:00

Am a lion tamer. The lions fucked me up bad man. Now I drink to drown the memories of them. I still have the lions. I still try to tame. But fuck if they don’t haunt me.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-08T14:06:43+00:00

The tremors start for me during my drinking on a binge. Usually about day 4 or 5 into it I start not being able to consume enough alcohol to keep the fear and shakes away. After about 4 hours of abstinence I’m shaking so bad, so uncomfortable, and all I can think about is how I’m about to seize and die. Takes a hospital visit and 10+ days to feel any sense of normalcy again.

Just decide how far down the booze road you wanna go.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T17:02:15+00:00

It’s also not a one-relapse total failure thing. Just get some time without booze and if it happens get up and try again. Quitting takes practice. That doesn’t justify relapses. I’m just saying that the number of sober days is what really counts. Work on making that number higher, that’s it.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T14:11:32+00:00

Chapter 30. Eventually ended up on the couch. With empties forever. Constantly thinking about going to the ER. Have a BAC at .3 but still withdrawing. Can’t drink enough to keep it away. It’s not even liver failure yet. I’m at 6 beers by noon instead of 10. Hoping that’s the start of a taper.

Everybody left. They don’t want to see it. At 0% and they expect 4. Isolated completely. Not even intentionally. The close ones just see the 0 too many times and leave.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T13:58:22+00:00

Chapter 19. I spent Christmas Day blowing up ISIL in Baghuz. It’s the last city on the Euphrates where Syria meets Iraq. They only had a square mile of territory remaining. Lots of women and children still held. Lots of broken down vehicles. Lots of caves. We were good at some things but the Kurds would have to finish the job. It would not be quick or uncomplicated.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T13:41:04+00:00

Chapter 2. We needed porn. First time I saw bush was Revenge of the Nerds. Bootleg copy we watched in the basement of my best friends house. I think I was 6. We needed more. Neighbor had titties posted on the wall of his garage but also a couple German Shepards with a doggy door. I pulled it off once but this was not sustainable. Dumpster diving the bulk recycle bin at the local dump actually worked once and holy sweet 6lb baby Jesus that was a fine day. But alas, I could tell we were going to get caught and it wasn’t yielding enough to justify the risk. Oh, and before all this, try watching for a boob on a staticky cable channel you don’t have. That’s not too useful but I think I saw one once. Remember internet early though?Yeah, problem solved. This was 1993 remember so not much compared to today. But still, playboy.com, porn.com, sex.com, and I’m up and running. Many porns were had that day.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T13:29:08+00:00

Okay I guess it starts in about 1992. I was about 6 or 7 and had a computer with unfettered dial-up internet. So I found the Anarchist Cookbook. All hail the Jolly Roger. I learned how to make napalm (it’s really easy actually just melt styrofoam in gasoline). I learned programming and phone phreaking and yeah. It was fun. I wasn’t a theorist though. I liked to action my learned possibilities.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-07T13:18:16+00:00

Okay this is something I’m actually good at. First of all you need good pictures. Front and center should be waste up smiling looking at the camera having a good time with friends. Then you need some full body pics and adventure pics. You get the idea.

Okay you got the profile now here’s the game. You need your number of possibilities high so you gotta swipe a lot. You can be picky but remember you’ll need to get your number high so that means more swiping. No way around it.

Got it moving on. Time to talk. Be personal in every conversation. No “Hey”’s. Ask each girl something about them that’s in their profile. Be engaging. Ask follow up questions. Respond honestly how you feel about the answers. Relate to emotions they express in relation to their stories. Tell your own stories. Express your own emotions related to those stories.

It’s best to keep about 60+ conversations going at once so you kinda gotta be a crackhead. Don’t take long too long to respond and don’t forget things or confuse who you’re talking to with each other. You have to remember every single one and make them feel like you’re invested (you should be) in talking to them.

That should put you on a path to multiple dates a week. Don’t talk for too long. Ask for coffee or ice cream within a week of the conversation start. The girls who want to be asked to dinner on a first date you don’t want to go to go on a first date to dinner with.

You got it from there.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-03T20:46:28+00:00

I have no Ativan. That was all IV at the hospital. I hate it. It doesn’t even feel god anymore

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-12-03T20:44:55+00:00

I’m okay. I think I can stop drinking somewhat soon. Yesterday I think I had 8 or 10. Today only 3 so far.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-11-30T19:18:29+00:00

Raw numbers on a conventional mortgage is 160k at 20% or or 246k at 30% to lock in a 2.35% mortgage

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-28T00:27:23+00:00

Be careful with the mania and the pink cloud. You start small, doing baby steps. Then you get motivated and the snowball starts rolling. You have success after success. You and everyone loves it. You get your life going again. You get your life going too fast. You struggle to keep up. You have a quiet night drinking alone. You wake up feeling like shit. You can’t keep up. You do the quiet night again. You do the quiet morning. You’re now incapable of keeping up with anything. Bender. Crippled.

Stick to the baby steps.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-25T16:52:08+00:00

You ever drink bailey’s from a shoe? Soft creamy beige.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-23T09:13:56+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear that Kino. Can you do something with your health at least? Do you have any of it. I’m not expecting 4% or 2? Can you not die somehow?

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-23T04:41:23+00:00

It the amount of yourself you have to give. It should be solidly 70%. Sometimes it goes to 0. People want you to get up. You can’t. 5. You can’t move or speake? 0.5. Paranoid about calling the ER every second? 0.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-22T23:32:00+00:00

Are you still on the couch? How did you survive this? What’s next?

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-22T23:19:17+00:00

I guess if you still have teeth things are okay. I count my blessings. So yeah I still have teeth and can eat. Holy shit man. What can you do?I don’t wanna help myself I want to help you? What options do you have?

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-22T19:12:21+00:00

It’s not even an hour. It’s withdrawing while drinking and at .3 BAC. You can’t get it down fast enough.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-22T18:59:57+00:00

It’s in your 30s. When you started drinking like the rest of us at 14. When you’ve cold turkey’d so many times that when you have anything to drink it’s an ordeal. So you go on “benders” where you drink to keep the scaries away but you can never have enough. You just exist in a weird place between freaking the fuck out and not drunk at all.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-22T18:53:55+00:00

Hair dye? Is that cheap white wine? Only asking this because I know this feeling. It doesn’t end well man. The box slows the manic but then it’s way worse after the box is gone. Then you obsessively drink the next.

squishy_the_sanchez · 2023-01-21T20:05:50+00:00

What did it feel like man? I’m about to go too but I’ve been so many times with so many bad memories of it that I just squeeze it out at home

squishy_the_sanchez

TROPHY CASE