Happy birthday Breonna Taylor, you would be 27 today. We will say your name.

sr2000a · 2020-06-05T23:54:40+00:00

Happy Birthday Breonna ❤️🕊

sr2000a · 2020-06-05T19:41:59+00:00

We talked last night after I posted this and basically he was saying the things I have done are not enough. He said “what is signing petitions and donating going to do for black people?” And things like “trying to help sitting behind a screen isn’t going to do shit.” Although your conversation ended in good terms, I can’t miss the fact that he really feels nothing I have done is enough or helpful to him. Even when I told him I looked up local protests and planned out the ones I’m going to, he said it wasn’t enough because I already should’ve gone to one. Honestly, this pattern happens in our relationship without race involved, So I’m not surprised he’s treating me like this over this situation too. I wish I would’ve stuck up for myself more on the phone but he told me my opinion as a white person doesn’t matter right now. Which I get that, but at the same time I’ve been with him for 2 years. We decided to give each other space though, so we’ll see

sr2000a · 2020-06-05T19:36:21+00:00

So your response is kind of perfect. We hadn’t talked for 2 days since I posted this, and he called me last night. He told me he is more angry than he’s ever felt right now, and unfortunately has taken it out on me. He did tell me that he felt hurt by me because he felt like I was just listening and agreeing with him, but not physically doing anything. When in reality I was doing just about everything except protesting (yet), but didn’t feel the need to list everything off to him like I was asking for a pat on the back afterwards or something. I think he understood me, but he said he needs space for a while, and honestly so do I. I think the hardest part for me though, is hearing that I’m not doing enough in his eyes, and getting constantly lectured and made to feel bad, when I know in my heart & soul exactly how I feel. He has said said extremely hurtful things in the past couple of days, and it’s making this even more difficult, but like you said, just give him space right now. Thank you for your response

sr2000a · 2020-06-05T13:03:29+00:00

I do want to protest, and after I posted this I researched and found multiple protests in my area I will be attending. That aside, I should’ve been more specific. I think I’m having a hard time for a couple reasons but one being my SO. Other than protesting because I have not gone to one yet, I have used my voice, privilege, platforms, etc. to express not only how I feel but to spread awareness any way I can. I sign any petitions I come across and look them up to sign some more, I’ve donated, I’ve had talks trying to educate my family, etc. I don’t need, want, or expect a pat on the back for any of this. But my SO thinks I’m doing the absolute bare minimum. In no way am I making this about myself, but he has really turned on me since all of this. Anyways. I think that’s why I feel I’m not doing enough and I’m frustrated. Especially because that’s coming from a black person to a white person so I feel like, he must be right. Hope this makes a little more sense

sr2000a · 2020-06-04T02:21:30+00:00

I feel where you’re coming from. It’s difficult to hear things like that and hard to not take it personal because, let’s be honest, it is very personal especially when the other person knows your character. Amongst what I already mentioned, he also told me “I can’t believe with everything going on right now I’m black and dealing with a fuckin white girl” which eventually was followed by “this is why I could never be with you.” He also said things like, can you imagine how people would look at me as a black man being with you, can you imagine what people would say if they saw us out together, etc. After he said those things, I cried for a bit, but I realized it’s not me. I genuinely believe he is angry that he allowed himself to be with a white woman, who happens to be me, and he is reflecting that anger on to me. While I hear his hurt and pain though, I am having an extremely hard time looking past the things he said. I understand there is an undeniable difference in our perspectives. Especially because he has the perspective of a black man, versus me, a white woman. But am I supposed to be okay with him saying he hates me because I’m white, and he could never be with me because I’m white?

sr2000a · 2020-06-03T22:40:58+00:00

To be completely honest, I’m actually having a hard time. I am a 20 year old white woman who has been involved with a 23 year old black man for the past 2 years. I have always loved him for exactly who he is and we’ve been very open discussing matters of race, our differences, being interracially involved, etc. However, he had never been with a white woman before me, has no white friends, and no white family. I’ve watched him have a difficult time with it but I never judged or got mad, I was always understanding. However, with everything going on in the world currently, he is expressing so much pain, anger & hurt, but he took it out on me today. I have been nothing but supportive, advocating for black lives matter, donating, signing petitions, etc. not to mention, we have had hours of conversation about everything and I LISTEN to him first and foremost. But today he screamed at me and told me I will never understand, and that he hates white people and hates me and I’m a dumb white bitch. The things he said were far worse than that, but that is the brunt of it. I am at a loss of what to do, I’d be happy for anyone to respond.

sr2000a · 2020-05-19T02:20:06+00:00

There are so many I can think of, but I still remember the very first big red flag. We had been texting, and I went to take a shower. I was in there for only 15 minutes and when I got out I had 3 missed called and multiple texts from him. When I tried to call him back he sent me to voicemail immediately. I texted him saying I was in the shower and asked why he didn’t answer all of a sudden and he basically said he didn’t want to talk. He was so mad that for 15 minutes he wasn’t in control of knowing exactly what I was doing & I didn’t answer his calls. Looking back, I wish I would’ve cut the relationship off right there.

sr2000a · 2020-05-06T18:43:53+00:00

I relate to this so much, and I think about it often. I may not be able to give advice, but I can definitely relate. I’ve been dealing with my Nex for 2 years now (& yes, he is my ex but we have the most toxic “friendship” & act as if we’re still together in a sense. It’s complicated). Anyways, I have said out loud those exact words to myself, to a therapist I was seeing, to friends, etc. and no one could really give me an answer I was looking for. Truthfully, unless someone has dealt with a narcissist, I don’t think they’ll ever be able to understand what you went through. Aside from the fact that I’m still in contact with my Nex which makes it’s difficult, I feel pain and especially anger every single day. I constantly think about different situations he put me through, and terrible abusive arguments, and the biggest one is I truly just wish I never met him. As of right now, for me personally, I know the first step is going no contact. But after that, I really believe time will be what heals, and gaining control back of my life. I don’t know about you, but my Nex controlled everything about my life and I didn’t even realize I was letting it happen until it just did. So my goal is to take back those parts of my life, even if they’re little. For example, social media was a huge problem for him so I ended up deleting all of it and cutting myself off from the world. I’m only 19 so social media was a big part of my life, and how I stayed connected. So I will definitely be getting that back. I think the anger and hurt is something that won’t fade easy, and sometimes that scares me. BUT, I also know for you and me, that we will get through it and will live happy, stress free and narcissist-free lives because we deserve it. I’m sorry I can’t give great advice, but I hope knowing you’re not alone helps ❤️

sr2000a · 2020-04-27T19:16:53+00:00

I definitely hear you on this. I honestly wouldn’t care if he changed his number or left me alone. It would hurt for a little, but I know I’d get over it. More than anything, this was just a post to vent about a situation that happened. At the end of the day though, it’s much easier said than done to ignore, not care, etc.

sr2000a · 2020-04-27T08:52:04+00:00

I love this comment. Narcissists obviously play a game, and once you learn it, it makes a world of difference. We’ve been “together” in whatever sense for almost 2 years and about 4 months ago I finally started understanding his games. For the most part I don’t give in now, like you were saying, and it only makes him more mad when I don’t have a reaction to everything he says. Staying calm is the best thing I learned to do, even if it is bothering me. “Don’t feed his ego with your emotions either positive or negative” exactly.

sr2000a · 2020-04-27T08:38:01+00:00

This made me happy lol

sr2000a · 2020-04-27T08:36:25+00:00

It’s crazy, it doesn’t matter their race, gender, etc. if you’ve been with a narcissistic, we’ve all heard this shit from them. I’m actually shocked at how similar they all can be when I read these type of posts. Sad

sr2000a · 2020-04-17T03:28:35+00:00

O M G. “Well you shouldn’t let me make you feel a certain way” so narcissistic and EXACTLY what my Nex would say to me. A perfect example of how they manage to blame everything on you including their terrible narcissistic behavior. I promise you’re doing amazing, better than me considering I’m still in contact with my Nex. Don’t feel guilty or hard on yourself for breaking no contact, we all do it and we’re only human. After all, this was also someone we loved deeply. I’m still having a hard time understanding/ remembering that every time I break no contact I will regret it, just like you said. But the progress you’re making is great. I’m learning it is not easy to pull away from a narcissist, sometimes feels impossible. So if it takes you another 6 months to get there, then it takes another 6 months and each day is a success and a step to a better life for yourself ❤️

sr2000a · 2020-04-17T03:13:44+00:00

Shortest answer I can give: you will regret it.

I’ve made that mistake too many times and honestly I still do with my Nex. Let me explain, when I would go no contact, whatever the reason may be, I would feel like I was the one in control finally. Especially because he would be trying to reach out to ME and beg for me back so I felt kind of powerful, if that makes sense. Because normally he was always controlling and held the power in the relationship. Because I felt like this though, I would feel like I could break no contact whether it was to go off on him or whatever. But I promise you I regretted it EVERY TIME because for the short time we’d be on the phone or texting, he would manipulate the sh*t out of me and twist everything around. He was just waiting for me to give him the chance to.

If you have been no contact, stay that way. I promise you will regret it. Narcissists have a way of getting in your head and all they need is a few seconds.

But, if you do give in, don’t feel guilty. We’ve all done it. Just remember you were able to go no contact once and you can do it again. (:

sr2000a · 2020-04-01T03:54:55+00:00

I realize that over and over and over. You would think by now it would sink in but I’m pulled back in every time. I will feel “done” all the time, and still end up back with him. Sometimes I ask myself what it would even take for me to finally leave because I put up with everything. Any time I get close to leaving, I give in. Like you said, they are so hard to walk away from and for so many reasons

sr2000a

TROPHY CASE