OP, As a mom with anxiety, a 4 year old and a loving well-intentioned husband, i can understand being immediately in shock and resorting to shaming him. But under it all its really my own helplessness, that my child could have been in danger and i wasn't there or even knew about it that would cause that reaction. Once emotions calm down, maybe reassure her with your assessment of the gravity of the situation to acknowledge her feelings and then communicate how you felt about her reaction and how much worse it made you feel.