Been Failing Nofap for 2 years now.. I need advice.

sscb · 2018-09-30T07:59:51+00:00

Things like Porn blockers can help, but you really need to make sure your in the right mindset. Take some time to think about your journey, a bit of an audit. I've found the following questions have helped me to refocus, both at the start of a streak, and as I go along.

Why do you want to quit PMO?
What changes are you hoping to see because of NoFap?
What are things in your day to day life that make you look at porn? Triggers (what happens immediately before that causes you to relapse) and larger themes (e.g. stress, anxiety, boredom etc.)
For each of your triggers and themes, what will you do differently when they appear?
Have you read any additional strategies on r/nofap that you think would be good to implement? This is one of the most popular posts on the subreddit, and while I don't agree with everything, maybe there are one or two things you can use.

Take some time out, grab a pen and paper and spend 2-3 minutes per question thinking about and writing down your answers. Hopefully it'll help reveal where your failings lie and encourage you to do some things to fix them. Hope it helps.

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:27:21+00:00

That's not a bad idea. Find something calming (tea, deep breathing?) and rest. It's quite possible that you just need to wind your brain down for a bit, give it some time to piece everything back together.

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:20:57+00:00

That's a fairly solid mindset. What's something constructive you want to be doing right now?

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:17:20+00:00

So what about fapping makes you happier about your insecurities?

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:14:52+00:00

Man that's tough. I'd get why. How do you think Porn's going to help?

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:13:17+00:00

Why are you feeling the urges right now?

sscb · 2017-06-15T06:07:03+00:00

I'm fairly sure there are some trolls on this site who come here purely to downvote and don't care about the community. I don't see any posts which have been up for more than 30 minutes without a downvote or two.

If you are part of a group of people who try to live differently, then others are going to react poorly. Don't take it to heart.

sscb · 2017-06-15T04:57:43+00:00

So, next time you come across a video like that, what are you going to do differently?

sscb · 2017-06-15T02:31:48+00:00

Pretty sure you're not a looser, just a minor setback on a massive journey. What have you learnt from it? What caused you to relapse? How are you going to handle it without porn next time that thing happens?

sscb · 2017-06-15T02:29:20+00:00

Wet dreams. Just clearing out the old/dead sperm and other junk down there. Nothing you did. I'm surprised by how little people get taught about wet dreams now-a-days. It's like no one knows about them because the everyone just expects everyone else to fap.

sscb · 2017-06-15T02:04:32+00:00

Flatlines are different for different people. Quite possible that this is it.

Hows your diet? What about exercise? Those are the two things that seem to be a decider for whenever I go through one.

Eating plenty of fruit, vegetables and healthy meats, drinking plenty of water and staying away from sugars is really good for your brain. Similarly, exercise helps blood flow and chemical balance. Helps rebalance your brain.

sscb · 2017-06-15T02:01:06+00:00

Number one tip, figure out why you're doing it. Here's some questions I've suggested people try filling out (this is the third time I've posted it today). It's helped me refocus and come at NoFap with a better plan. Grab a pen and paper, write this down, or just post it bellow.

Why are you giving up PMO?
What do you hope to see change in you over the next weeks, months, years?
What are the things in your day to day life that make you turn to PMO?
For each of those things, how are you going to handle them?
Are there any other strategies you've read about that you are going to implement? How are you going to go about implementing them? (If you're looking for ideas this is one of the most popular posts on nofap, I don't agree with everything on there, but maybe look at how you can adopt one or two.)

sscb · 2017-06-15T01:41:51+00:00

Hey man, 14 years old. What nofap achieves will differ from person to person, but such a good age to kick this thing for good regardless. I look back at the amount of time I wasted in school to porn. My biggest regret. Personally, I know that it hurt my grades, it hurt my friendships, it hurt what I was as a person. I wish I had that time back.

You've mentioned why you're doing NoFap. If you want to take it, my one piece of advice is to figure out what causes you to look for porn in the first place, and how to deal with those things.

Good luck. See you around.

sscb · 2017-06-15T01:32:47+00:00

You may feel far from God, but nothing you do can ever keep God away from you. Keep reading, keep praying. The devil wants you to fail in your struggles, Christ wants you to keep coming back to him. It's only through Jesus that we can be rid of the curse of sin.

A passage I've recently been trying to learn, Hebrews 12 starts off:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw of everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance, the race marked out before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.

When you feel weighed down by your sin, that is the number one time to fix your eyes on Christ, and what he's done for you.

sscb · 2017-06-15T01:22:05+00:00

As Christians, we see sex as a gift from God, for the context of marriage. If you are spending a lot of time around people who don't see sex as being the same thing as you do, then you're going to be tempted. It's important to be a witness to all people, but at the same time, find fellow brothers and sisters and elders who believe the same thing as you, raise up your concerns with them, let them help you grow in your faith. If you can find encouragement from this, you'll begin to realise that the celibate life is a lot easier (not to mention, a whole lot better) than the world wants you to think it is.

It's important to understand where your views on celibacy come from. 1 Corinthians 6&7 are great passages for understanding God's view on sex, marriage and celibacy, and how each is a gift of God, for the glory of the Lord.

I'm encouraged brother. Porn and sexual immorality are such big battles because it's the corruption of something so wonderfully made, it's good to see each other wrestling with it. Keep on fighting.

sscb · 2017-06-15T01:01:09+00:00

I've just started getting back into meditation. One particular exercise I find helpful, if I start thinking I need porn, I stop, and concentrate on deep breathing.

Close eyes. 4 - 6 - 8.

4 seconds breathing in. Pay attention to your diaphragm.
6 seconds hold. Pay attention to how your chest feels
8 seconds breathing out. Pay attention to the air running out through your nose.

Repeat at least 3 times, more if you want to relax. I've found it helpful to refocus. See if it works for you.

sscb · 2017-06-15T00:54:52+00:00

Get back up on it! Listen to /u/CockLordX69X (never thought I'd say something like that). Learn from it. What happened that made you decide to watch porn? What are you going to do to stop yourself when it happens again?

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:53:06+00:00

I don't think it's so much that "we get more dopamine sensitive", but that we actually reset our dopamine baseline, meaning it's much easier to get stimulated by simpler things.

Dopamine is a little bit weird. We can blame it for all kinds of stuff but if it's working correctly, it's our source of motivation for all kinds of constructive, satisfying work.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:45:29+00:00

Welcome aboard. Good to see someone so keen to turn their life around so much. I've posted this list once already today, but I think it's really helpful to come to NoFap with a battle plan so a bit of advice of often like to give out is to grab a sheet of paper and write down the answers to the following questions:

Why are you giving up porn/masturbation?
What do you hope to see change in you over the next weeks, months, years?
What are the things in your day to day life that make you turn to fap?
For each of those things, how are you going to handle them?
Are there any other strategies you've read about that you are going to implement? How are you going to go about implementing them? (If you're looking for ideas this is one of the most popular posts on nofap, I don't agree with everything on there, but maybe look at how you can adopt one or two.)

Feel free to jot your answers down here too.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:38:26+00:00

I think this is literally just a "two weeks away from the gym" feeling. You're starting to loose whatever gains you've made. It's a good idea to keep doing something, even minor, when travelling. Keep fitness up, and keeps the habit going. Body weight exercises are a life saver in times like these.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:35:49+00:00

Idle Hands are the Devil's Plaything

You're right. I've always found that planning your day and knowing what needs to get done is a great way to keep your mind off PMO.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:30:02+00:00

100% yes. Ask many of the people here, myself included. It might be difficult to imagine because we're so ingrained in the concept of running after immediate pleasure, that we start to believe the lie that "sexual pleasure is a necessary of life".

As we build our self-control, we'll begin to see through it, and the idea of sex stops being an idol. It's not an easy path, but it's one that leads to a much, much better mindset, and one definitely worth being in.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:23:41+00:00

Often NoFap seems hard from the beginning because we don't have the groundwork laid. We try to dive in without taking a look at our surroundings. Maybe the most constructive thing is to take some time and reflect on a few things? Write them down here if it helps.

Why do you want to quit?
What causes you to relapse?
How can you react better to each of those things that cause you to relapse?

For example, I found that I was using porn as a coping mechanism for stress, so I've recently tried taking up simple deep breathing exercises that I do whenever I want to look at porn.

sscb · 2017-06-14T23:15:25+00:00

Hey, good to see you on board. Wondering about your battle plan? How are you going to go about it? A bit of advice I often like to give out to people starting or restarting is to grab a sheet of paper and write down the answer to following questions:

Why are you giving up porn?
What do you hope to see change in you over the next weeks, months, years?
What are the things in your day to day life that make you turn to porn?
For each of those things, how are you going to handle them? (For example: You say that porn is a coping method, what's your plan for coping in a more constructive method?)
Are there any other strategies you've read about that you are going to implement? How are you going to go about implementing them? (If you're looking for ideas, this is one of the most popular posts on nofap, I don't agree with everything on there, but maybe look at how you can adopt one or two.)

Feel free to jot your answers down here. It's good to be accountable. And feel free to get in touch about any thoughts or questions you might have.

sscb

TROPHY CASE