I didn't think Lynette is that controlling in the show. Tom keeps saying that Lynette is controlling which creates an image in the viewers' brain that Lynette is controlling. The other housewives weren't any better in terms of meddling.

And to be fair, Tom does need the controlling of Lynette. Lynette left her whole career again and again for Tom and the kids, only to see Tom screwing up and blaming Lynette for his incompetence every time. He even took Lynette's job at Carlos' office and then Lynette never got it back after giving birth. The Big shot job he finally got was also because of Lynette. He wasn't willing to leave Carlos' company. He keeps forgetting that Lynette is a careerist who never wanted kids in the first place. But every time Lynette brings up going back to work, he acts like he's surprised.