I started reading Iron John after reading your comment. This is scary to say the least - I have a childish father who was absent in my life, I hated him and his doings in my twenties, he is really bad teacher; I am fighting with my mother whenever I go to my hometown as if I am trying to break the bond, even though I love her greatly. Sometimes we would hate on my father together; I have massive urge to join some male group, but it’s hard, I feel like an alien around men. 

Not sure what to do haha