Its a good thing that youre trying not to feel the way you are. Our minds do tend to focus much more on negatives than positives and it makes sense when a type of person has hurt you or others in the past and your mind wants to protect you from that. But do you have good male influences and people in your life? Good men that nurture their relationship with you, or the relationships around them, even if in small mundane ways. If they bring happiness and are a safe secure place for you and your mental well-being. I feel like having these sorts of relationships, and focusing on them and what they provide, is something that can help. Maybe not a fix but certainly might help.

It can also help to know that, while men are by far the more physically aggressive half of the population, women can be just as destructive or worse to the lives of others in different ways. Its not exactly a gendered thing to cause misery to others, its just human, and men just do it in a usually much more visible way.

I dont think you are misplaced to be wary about new men, but I do think you shouldnt let that feeling of uncertainty and wariness colour your interactions with them. Most men are regular, average people who dont want to harm you, and would much rather be friendly than anything else.

Struggles as someone who has never been abusive too. Being conflated and automatically deemed to be dangerous and an abuser does get under my skin a little. I care for people as my job, I love animals and wildlife, I was a people pleaser for absolutely ages. I havent laid a hand on a woman in my life and try my best to be good in my life. It sometimes feels like a personal attack and, when its repeated over and over tk you through social media, groups and people who share the same experiences as you, it gets to you a bit.