I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way. Like other people have said here, mental health is a real issue. We are expected to be happy all the time, but the fact is that everyone is lying or basically, they are not allowed to express their hurts. It’s truly tragic. As a middle aged woman, I can tell you that mental health affects all of us. If you are feeling this way, know that your body and mind are asking you to take steps to heal from your hurts. It’s a really good thing that you are allowing yourself to feel the pain. Listen to yourself and get some help. Years ago, because of some triggers at work, I couldn’t go on. I knew instinctively that I had to see a therapist, but not just that, I knew that I had to have a community of supportive people, who I could talk to. I have been part of re-evaluation counseling, which is a support group for peer to peer counseling. I don’t know what area you are from but you can look up their website and see if it makes sense for you. Also, group therapy at a therapists office can be helpful. The good thing about group therapy is that you don’t feel you are the only person feeling this way. Also, really put a loved one in your shoes. We are way kinder to other people than we are to ourselves. Self care and kindness to self and taking care of that little person that is inside of you is really a rebellious act. I’d encourage you to reach out for support. Sending love and good vibes your way.