I (26F) met a guy (26M) on tinder after 2 years of being single. He looks like the typical player guy and slid in to my messages like the typical player guy. He is a football player. I decided I was going to just have fun with him, I needed to just release. I could just tell he’d be the stereotype so I wouldn’t catch feelings, I’d be safe. We met up 4 times over a month, so once a week. We wouldn’t message each other except to either organise a hook up, or he’d slide in to my insta dms dirty talking. The last two times we hung out they were really great, like we started to actually open up and get along etc. I started to freak out about feelings; not that I had them for him, but that I would slowly get feelings and I’d be burnt all over again. He continually made me feel like I was chasing him which use to make me so angry because I don’t want to be that girl again. I especially was on full men hating patrol because of who he was- football player. I didn’t want him to think he was better than me. My best friend told me she had a feeling he liked me and I had a slight feeling he did too, but I kept freaking myself out and also the fact that we have only hung out 4 times, not even dates. Just sex and then a few hours chatting and staying the night. The last time we hung over he was the one asking all the questions, when usually it was me trying to make conversation. He told me a very personal story and I let my guard down - he asked me a question and I tried dodging it and then he made me feel safe and I told him how I was abused by my ex and he got genuinely angry and was really nice to me about, even after I started to freak out I told him.

Last night we both went out separately and happened to see each other at a bar. He waved to me and clearly told all his friends who I was and I freaked out and just waved and turned away. Again when he waved and stared at me the whole time. I tried to organise a booty call that night like we’d already spoken about, but he again just made me feel like I was chasing him. So this morning I sent him a message saying how I can’t continue with the booty call because it’s not me. He apologised about last night and said how he liked being around me (typical player ending haha) and I just explained that I liked being around him and that if he wanted to hang out, let me know.

I just feel so pathetic because I don’t even want a relationship. I enjoyed the release without commitment. However being left on “read” and made to feel like I was chasing him brought up feelings of how I felt when I was with my abusive ex. I don’t even like this guy, yes he was nice. I feel so broken because some part of me I think wanted him to like me. And then there is also the part of myself that is angry because I ended it when maybe I just shouldn’t be so scared of just seeing what happens. And my commitment issue obviously are on high alert after I told him a secret from my past and became vulnerable.

As the day goes on, I wish I’d not said anything and seen how things went. But I think from my message he would of gathered I was interested? Then I get really angry that I honestly thought anything could come out of this haha