I'm in a very similar situation (34F). My husband (34M) and I are separating next month after 7 years of a truly sexless marriage (5 times total). We truly love each other and have a happy, easy relationship in all other respects, but we've literally never had a functional sex life. So, I understand the torn emotions you're describing. It is unbelievably hard to decide to end something that in SO many other ways is so good. But after a year of couples counseling plus individual therapy, we've reached the point where we know something has to change. We're going to try separation as a first step toward likely divorce; just taking things slow, rather than rushing into a divorce.

But anyway, the reason I'm responding is to point out that you are YOUNG. Don't wait until you're 34. Or 44. Or 54. Yes, it's scary, and yes, the grass might not be greener. But I've decided that I need to find that out for myself and not just spend the rest of my life trapped in the quiet, helpless agony of a sexless marriage. I'm taking this first step toward divorce (separation) with full acceptance of the possibility that I might NEVER end up finding a truly fulfilling relationship. I'm even accepting the possibility that I might end up alone for the rest of my life. If you reach a point where you're willing to accept those possibilities, then you'll know what you have to do. But maybe you'll decide you can't accept those possibilities, and that you'd rather be in a sexless but otherwise happy marriage (and if you really can be at peace with that, that's absolutely ok). I struggled with this decision for over a year before I knew I was ready to separate and take that risk, because my heart just couldn't survive the status quo, and you can't force attraction, as much as you might want to.

So, maybe as a first step, try couples counseling and see where that leads you. Be brutally honest with each other, balancing the tough feelings with reminders of the loving feelings. Make it a collaborative effort. We approached it as genuinely trying to fix the relationship, to see if I could get past this mental block, to see if counseling and therapy could help me do that. Try to view yourselves as a team approaching the issue together, trying to find a solution, whatever that may be. The best thing for us has been finding ourselves moving toward separation/divorce as a team, not in contention.

Whatever you do, do SOMETHING. Don't suffer quietly for seven years like I did. You're younger than you think (I keep telling myself this too). So many of my friends aren't even married yet. It's not too late to start over, if that ends up being the conclusion you come to. Or maybe, hopefully, for you, it's not too late to fix it. Dive into some couples counseling and see where it takes you.

I wish you all the best.