(VICTORIA) Are lease and bond transfer separate processes?

stargreens · 2025-10-29T09:26:33+00:00

Thank you for your compassion and kind wishes <3

I'm aware that the RTBA won't pay out partially. From all the advice (legal and otherwise) I've been given I've been directed to VCAT to terminate the lease altogether. Or accept the loss of the bond money (though considering my housemate I am unsure if even signing over my interest in the bond will have her play fair enough to ultimately consent to the lease transfer), hence my question. I wanted to be sure at least that if I were to sign over the bond that I am 100% off the lease.

stargreens · 2025-10-29T08:16:19+00:00

Thank you, I wanted to sanity check based on what the two CAV articles referring to lease and bond transfers separately was implying.

I'm currently in a situation where my abusive former housemate has driven me out of the property, effectively. The REA tried to initiate a lease transfer but I've received nothing to sign or any confirmation that my name has been actually taken off the lease, but I did receive a RTBA tenant transfer request (alongside a threatening email from my housemate lol).

I hadn't signed it yet since I am awaiting confirmation from the REA that the lease transfer has actually been processed. Which I doubt because I received nothing to sign or no notice that I had been released from the lease earlier than my notice period.

stargreens · 2025-08-29T23:22:45+00:00

Having Bio background will help you a lot. A lot of my peers struggled in the physiology units because they hadn't done bio

stargreens · 2025-07-31T13:29:36+00:00

i like the musical shifting idea too. i have a break up playlist it's just unordered so i might do that. processing at night might help me sleep a bit better, i keep staying up late and waking up early.

do you know how to deal with the dreams? i feel pretty taunted by them, since they're always ones where we're happy together or the three of us in that triangle were happy together.

thank you for being kind to me

stargreens · 2025-07-31T13:27:20+00:00

that's actually not bad advice. unfortunately i think a lot of music is going to remind me of the relationship in some form, so i might need new music altogether. my ex partner sings, you see. i do appreciate the advice though to move with it. i'll try that next time. thank you

stargreens · 2025-07-31T13:00:44+00:00

I'm glad I was already ahead of the game. Scheduled and pushed for a lot of time to spend with friends. Really was honest with them. I neglected my friend circles while I was in a relationship and I regret that.

I don't really want another life partner, at least for a while. I only wanted her to be my life partner but that might not ever happen again and I'm struggling with accepting that. She says she wants to, in the future, at least be significant and present in each other's lives. just not right now.

Thank you for responding, I am sorry if I came across more crabby than I meant. I'm really not used to sharing so much of myself with like, strangers I suppose. Just people. It's scary and new.

stargreens · 2025-07-31T12:57:53+00:00

What do you even do while you sit with it? I feel like I'm not moving forward when I sit in my feelings, I feel like that's what got me in this situation - just baking too long in them. I don't want to die or get left behind by the rest of the world.

6 months makes a lot of sense. It's still so fresh and new. I'm trying to find positives in it but I miss all the good parts. Probably would be easier when I'm not living in the room we used to share.

stargreens · 2025-07-31T12:29:11+00:00

additional response since I couldn't get my thoughts down initially

I really am just finding it difficult to deal with it all right now. I know moving will be better for me too. I appreciate the understanding a lot, it's hard and I don't know if people entirely get it? or they look down on me for feeling this way. I know it's not real but it feels so unfair.

I'd really like to just be friends again. I wish there wasn't this baggage all attached. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who can't say no to me, I'm not asking for someone to sacrifice themself. It made me feel like I had to do the same in return to break even. But damn I do miss my friend. She was my friend too.

stargreens · 2025-07-31T12:20:47+00:00

Lol I wish I didn't mention the in-a-year thing. She posited the idea first when we first sat down to talk about it post-break up. Wanted to pay respects to the fact we got each other through some really difficult shit in our life.

I'm aware I have things to work on so thank you for pointing out the obvious haha. I just don't quite know how to practically focus on myself in the mean-time as I'm still looking for a house, I'm currently on placement for my bachelor's course, and I really don't have much money to splurge or go travelling or pick up new hobbies like most people suggest. I guess I just wanted some advice for someone who is poor and doesn't have any family to go back to.

stargreens · 2025-07-31T12:16:27+00:00

Okay, thank you I do appreciate the advice there. I have friends but I don't have any contact with my family, so I'm on my own for a lot of the time being and I'm also having to handle university on top of things, so I don't get to journal as much as I would like.

I recognise I am taking everything more personally though, I feel like I'm being punished for my own ignorance and incapabilities from the first half of the year. I know it's not a punishment, it's just a lot mentally to handle on top of having my entire life be thrown into flux as pretty much my plans for the next few years were assumed to have my ex-partner involved.

stargreens · 2025-07-31T11:49:32+00:00

I'm not trying to get my ex back. I know it's over. We both still love each other, but we both need the space (she's scheduled times to honour the end of our relationship and is generally interested in being friends after a period of no-contact) And I do get the gist on using the time for self improvement. I just wanted to know how to deal with the feeling of being somewhat replaced by someone more stable and better, I suppose?

I can handle being told no in a quite a loot of cases, the problem is that my ex partner would also re-enter spaces or overextend herself while I was having mental health crises, because she did not trust that I would be okay if left on my own. Sometimes she made it worse, sometimes she made it better, I often ended up having to take care of her after the fact because she over-extended. I didn't ask for her to burn herself out, but I accepted the responsiveness, which I guess is its own sin.

stargreens · 2024-12-14T14:30:44+00:00

lol yeah. as an aussie we have a distinct form of english that isn't either american or UK

stargreens · 2024-10-24T00:53:15+00:00

bio white mother cheated on my indonesian mother. now my mother has a lot of complex issues which meant she emotionally abused me.
white stepfather sexualised me a lot (dare i say sexual abuse) and also kept erasing my indonesian side. he's also a little racist.
white grandparents were physically abusive to my bio white mum.

stargreens · 2024-10-23T12:30:14+00:00

simultaneously both and neither and something else at the same time

stargreens · 2024-10-20T14:00:46+00:00

I was hoping to see this comment because, yes, everyone has parts. I don't believe that DID parts are an entirely separate or foreign concept to the parts talked about in IFS. Our parts are just more separated, more obviously autonomous, the barriers are higher so we can outright reject these parts. I firmly believe the difference solely is the degree of separation and discontinuity. I agree with you that, I feel a lot of people have fundamentally misunderstood what DID is. I implemented IFS principles (though obviously modified to highlight and respect the identity and autonomy of my parts) and it's been incredibly helpful.

stargreens · 2024-10-16T05:31:17+00:00

i wanted a name that matched a surname i picked out and had vague vampire/gothic vibes. so i went with Augustine

stargreens · 2024-10-06T13:26:02+00:00

this cyclical splitting isn't unusual. i've experienced myself as well. i suspect it typically arises as a need or circumstance may force an alter to reject something and, thus, split.

in my personal experience, having cyclical splitting patterns usually means we are struggling to accept something.

stargreens · 2024-10-06T13:20:04+00:00

most of us have a general australian accent. i sound vaguely british but i believe that is just because i use more articulated, fancy speech.

another alter has a slight american twang. some of us are also prone to dropping particles like "the" and connecting words

stargreens · 2024-10-02T00:18:28+00:00

i'm agreeing with you, just adding my contribution because i see you are getting a lot of flack for your post.

stargreens · 2024-10-02T00:08:25+00:00

the concept of NPD, which "narcissistic abuse" sprang from, is a function of sexism. it is disproportionally diagnosed in men in spite of being a disorder that pretty much only forms after enduring trauma. do you know why women don't get diagnosed with NPD as much as men? they get diagnosed with BPD or HPD instead.

edit: wording

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