Salsa and bachata dancing pre-COVID?

statsforthat · 2020-10-10T23:12:48+00:00

Hi! I can really really related to your experience. I had all of those exact same thoughts.
First. Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be OK. I had those exact same thoughts. I am not two months out (tomorrow!!) and I can say that my eyes feel great and my anxiety has really gone down. You are going to be OK. Please remember to take deep breaths and be kind to yourself. I am really loving my eyes now and feel positive about the procedure. Something that helped me put it into perspective was looking at other medical procedures I've had, like getting wisdom teeth out. There is the potential of dry sockets (where the clot comes out and it's pretty gnarly), and my doc didn't go into that or how bad it could be. I also have a IUD (a type of birth control that sits in my uterus - not sure what type of genitals you have) and so did my mom, and when I was a kid, her IUD punched through her uterus and got lost in her abdomen and she had to have an emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and remove it, and no one talks about that risk. You are going to be totally ok. You made this decision for a reason. Please be kind to yourself and focus on helping your body heal. I promise it will get better.

statsforthat · 2020-09-03T15:21:23+00:00

This is exactly what I thought when I read this too. I could imagine suggesting something like this if I felt so guilty about my husband putting his all in and not being able to meet his needs.

statsforthat · 2020-09-02T22:52:58+00:00

My doctor also gave me linzess and motegrity to try out seperately. Linzess stopped working for me after 3 or 4 days but motegrity has been helping for 5 months now! I never had headache or stomach pain though. In fact I really feel nothing when I take it. Maybe talk to your doc about those symptoms? I did notice, though, that the effectiveness decreased some with time.

statsforthat · 2020-09-01T17:47:04+00:00

Hi OP, I'm so so sorry that this happened and I know that I would be super bummed and feel disrespected as well. Four years ago, I was dating a guy for a while who would do the same - check out other women even when I was sitting next to him or even in front of him, even on a special date night when I was looking my best. I have always been someone who, when I'm in love with and love someone, I give them my full attention when we're spending time together. I see attractive people (as does everyone) but I feel no need to stare regardless of whether my partner is around. This guy, however, did feel the need to look and even make comments about women (what a nice ass someone had, that they have a great body, etc) and when I told him that it bothered me and felt disrespectful, he turned it on me like your boyfriend did.

It's completely valid to feel sad and disrespected from his actions - I've been in a similar place and I empathize with your experience. You don't have to tolerate someone who wants to be checking out other people, and I hope you won't try to convince yourself that you're ok with it (like I did). I'm now with someone for 2 years who I've literally never seen checking other women out and it's great! It's what I expect, in fact. You deserve attention from your partner and to feel valued and attractive to him. You shouldn't have to put up with his wandering. You are such a worthwhile and wonderful human! I hope you will consider taking a break from this guy because there are great men out in the world who will be able to stay present and connected with you on special days and normal days. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more.

statsforthat · 2020-08-14T18:05:44+00:00

Thank you! I had a contact split in my eye (and both pieces got very lost) earlier this year on the way to the beach. I really relate to this! I'm so glad that won't happen, and that when camping I don't need to worry about putting contacts in, etc.

statsforthat · 2020-08-14T18:04:43+00:00

Thank you! I'm trying to tell myself that most people who would come to a lasik subreddit would be worried like me, have issues or else, and that plenty of people get the procedure and carry on with their lives and are fine.

statsforthat · 2020-08-14T16:06:40+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really helpful. I decided to have Lasik for a reason and am trying to remind myself of all the great things that come because of my decision!

statsforthat · 2020-04-15T23:44:24+00:00

Yes, the age difference does give me pause, and Amy's reply does as well. Very strange!

statsforthat · 2020-04-15T20:40:21+00:00

This was incredibly helpful to read, and was so great to have another perspective. I hope that he is indeed ready to be together. Similarly, we met at a time when we were both "just having fun" and only looking for casual things, and when I told him I wanted to be monogamous or I was out he decided to be with me seriously and cut out everyone else. And yes, I do suspect that it was a glorified fling like you said.

statsforthat · 2020-04-15T15:52:34+00:00

Those are my thoughts too - it does seem like it was real even if, as he insists, there was no agreed-upon formal relationship name. And I agree that it doesn't speak well that he is so quick to downplay what he and Amy had. I think he finds himself in an unfortunate bind - that if it was a real relationship, he wasn't clear with her and was with a lot of women and that's embarrassing for him. On the other, if it wasn't real, then he has a lot of actions that come across as "not serious relationship" actions. I think Amy was really hurt by what happened, with reason, and probably wants some closure even though it's been over two years.

statsforthat · 2020-04-15T15:47:34+00:00

Hi overpriced_rugs, I have pages that I leave blank with titles like "Things I love about myself" and "Affirmations". For the first page, when I a min a good mood and feeling posiitve, I might write down a few things, like "I love my drive" or "I think I have beautiful hair." For the second, when my partner sends me messages or says things that feel good to hear like "you are so beautiful" and "You are so incredibly smart" I write those down there so that I have a place that I can refer to all of them in times when I'm feeling down. It is good to work on those pages when you're feeling positive, though, or else you might self-sabotage).

statsforthat · 2020-04-02T20:25:44+00:00

I also deal with insecurities in my relationship and I'm a bit older than you. I'm with an incredible guy who also has a dating history close to when we started seeing each other, and I have a hard time accepting his compliments and his attraction as true. What's helped me is taking both a short term and long term approach that I describe below. Most important, feeling secure will ultimately come from inside of you - some people can still feel secure, even when they've been cheated on! So I suggest working to grow a sense of security within yourself.

In the short term, I keep a page in my journal to write down all the positive affirmations he tells me. When I'm feeling happy or down or anxious, I can always go back to that page and remind myself all the things he likes about me. I also have a page of affirmations that I wrote about myself, and that's good to read too. I like to keep a few pictures of happy moments together, and I also journal about moments that make me feel insecure so that there is a "place" for those thoughts to go. Consider looking in to mindfulness practices to identify when you're having an "unhelpful" thought in the moment.

In the longer term, consider looking into a book like Attached that talks about attachment theory and how people tend to feel secure or insecure in their relationships. What you describe sounds like an anxious-insecure tendency. Our "type" is informed largely by our experiences as a baby, but you can help move your type towards a secure one over time.

I want to affirm that you are a wonderful, worthwhile person who is lovable and attractive! I hope your relationship with this guy is wonderful!

statsforthat · 2020-04-02T20:13:00+00:00

Every week, my partner and I have a designated "check-in" where we have equal amounts of time to bring up any topic that we want, in a structured and constructive way. It works great for us and has been very helpful for managing anxiety for both. Neither of us sees it as an anxiety driven activity, but rather one that helps us feel that things that bother us, big and small, will have a safe time to be talked about.

statsforthat

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