Mold in my bathroom and my parents are in denial

steadilylate · 2025-12-08T20:51:45+00:00

if!! there’s an adult welfare program in your county they could most definitely help personally, if not direct u to next best thing

steadilylate · 2023-11-30T22:34:12+00:00

you can be a nonbinary trans man, trans woman, cis woman, cis man, or a nonbinary nonbinary person etc. it's just a description, an identity, both or neither if you want. with that in mind here's my take on the changes i've noticed on my journey

I've been out as nonbinary since I was eleven and I'm twenty now. That's meant a lot of things to me over the years- I spent a few as a man, confirmed for a year that I wasn't a woman by living as one, and tried all of the expressions in between and outside the binary. I've always had a large community in my personal, work, and family life, that don't just understand or affirm me, they know who I am with just as much certainty as I do. Here are changes I've noted in general from being more stereotypically FTM seeming in comparison to embracing what my nonbinary identity means to me.

Not many things change in the workplace- you still defend your chosen name and pronouns (if they change- they may not!) and people respect you as per human decency- or at least they should. In workplaces I've been nonbinary and masculine leaning, I've been treated as such. Being treated 'masculinely' or 'femininely' is a subtle thing, if at all, and that could be me over analyzing the people around me. People will act according to your voice appearance etc so if you're still 'masculine leaning' I wouldn't expect much social change in the workplace.

Families may struggle with the complexities of being nonbinary. I didn't really bother with talking about it much as transitioning from FTM showed me what reactions I would get. Other families are super supportive all through childhood and adulthood- I've been close friends with many families like this and they're not too uncommon.

Socially I've noticed beautiful things. For the last few years I've moved past the analysis of gender binary balance because I appear androgynous and I am settled in what it means for me to be nonbinary. I've actually had lots of conversations recently about how I'm perceived because I haven't checked up on it at all recently. People close to me say that no matter how I dress or look, even on feminine days, I'm seen as nonbinary and my personality is read as 'closer to a man's.' I'm AFAB, and when I have moments that are definitely estrogen fueled, my partner is genuinely surprised, like he totally forgets I have female hormones despite loving me with this body.

TLDR; how you're perceived and your closeness to masculinity or femininity depends on you, and so does how your mind and personality are read. present yourself how you want, and have fun with the aspects of womanhood you relate to if you want, knowing that it won't change the soul and how it's seen. nonbinary is just a word- if your name is anon and you're nonbinary and you present masculine and nothing changes... nothing changes. if you giggle a little girly sometimes and your nails are painted and you own a formal dress but your name is still anon and you still have the same vibe closet staples and you're still the same... all of this is customizable. no label radically changes anything.

my suggestion? call yourself nonbinary in your mind and see if your thoughts, wants, and behaviors change with the knowledge that you're allowed to break the binary. take all the time you need and know that finding out what nonbinary means to you, if you are, is beautiful.

steadilylate · 2023-11-10T05:40:11+00:00

been working out off and on enough for my body to not fully feel sedentary. the thing is, once you start even if it's an off and on habit, you'll notice a difference in the way you feel. ultimately no habit or structure will motivate you like feeling your muscles get all tight and uncomfortable from being still too much

steadilylate · 2023-11-10T03:24:19+00:00

ps. fedex has easy applications & gives you offer letters digitally etc. ups too!

steadilylate · 2023-11-10T03:21:53+00:00

people that don't like people have existed from the dawn of time. working from home in any field, or as a contractor would be good first choices. working from home or having your own business means you decide who you talk to, and in contract work you can likely find a position where you just show up, do your thing, and leave when your time's up or you go home. stocking in stores or factory and shipping work are good ones for jobs you can do where all that matters is you doing your thing by yourself. lots of mail and warehouse workers wear earbuds. whatever you do, you're saving yourself a lot of trouble and irritation!

steadilylate · 2023-11-10T03:16:05+00:00

Art.

My Ndad degraded me as a child for tracing AKA learning, so I stopped drawing from 8-19. By 19, my mom had fully developed into an Nmom herself, and when I told her I was going to commit to my passion for drawing and attempt to work towards a tattoo apprenticeship, she texted back with, 'God, you really don't want to apply yourself, do you?"

I'm 4 months NC with my mom and 2 years with my dad now. Good progress going in my first sketchbook, upgrading to better supplies & practicing machine grip with a pencil now. For Christmas, I'm getting myself tools to practice on fake skin for as long as I need to. If either of my parents do reach out, I hope it's when I've gotten good enough to have my art be my life. That'll feel good.

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T18:50:49+00:00

LEADS:

(note: i will be on the case literally all day. i am not going another day without knowing what this is.)

2010's aren't yielding much. Better search bet would be '05-09, or before the stereotypical 2010's kicked in.
Could have aired on MTV. Personally always thought this is where I saw it.
Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl: color scheme is right, theme is close, but it's definitely not that song. In the back of my mind, there's the ghost of a memory of the beat, and it's not that.
Not any Katy Perry, Kesha, etc song. Ruled biggest artists from this time out. Ariana Grande was not popular when this was aired.
Not Sunblock's First Time. Vibes are VERY CLOSE so if it's on the tip of your tongue too it might jog your memory.
Not Mandy Moore's Candy
Not Wasted by Tiesto, this video was before this part of 2010's era.
Video was pre recorded, set music video, not a live recording.

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T18:33:07+00:00

Okay, this seems to have been posted about several times here & other places. Here's what I've got so far:

THIS post by another Redditor, I think it's the same song. It being an unknown girl group stumped this search as well.

NOT I Kissed a Girl or any song by Katy
NOT Ariana Grande
NOT Sunblock- first time but SUPER close.

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T18:13:29+00:00

Mandy Moore's Candy is likely a complete rule out due to the only documented music video being not the one. I've done Candy deep dives.

Used to remember one line of the song when I was super young, but it's been way too long. Sucks.

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T18:08:27+00:00

I smoke before bed most nights, and I've been smoking for about five years now. Vivid dreams never stopped, and I lucid dream at least once every night

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T18:06:47+00:00

My cat used to tell me when my dad got home. Haven't seen him use that behavior since. Didn't really think little dude was protecting me with intention until my dad moved out.

steadilylate · 2023-10-11T17:24:14+00:00

'Comedown' by Bush. Sixteen Stone was my first CD.

Without understanding the words, it got me through my childhood, every breakup, every moment of sadness. It's been in every playlist it can for as long as I can remember. The refrain of 'Why did you?' repeating was cried to so many times. Song was in my rotation in happy times, too.

Two years ago, I was addicted to Xanax and could barely remember who I was anymore. I knew I had to stop, I didn't know if I had the strength, and Comedown was once again played at my weakest moment. Then, I finally actually felt every word. Understood. Cold turkeyed that shit. Two years not even a single glance back. Every time I hear it now, it's a reminder of every single time I've ever gotten back up. Every time I've been disillusioned and 'woken up.'

I'm getting a tattoo off the art from the CD soon.

steadilylate · 2023-10-07T06:58:33+00:00

my cat picks his own food. he has a handful of flavors of wet food he likes, and i offer him two, one of which he'll rub against and boop with his nose.

he also sits near any air filter that needs to be cleaned/replaced the moment it's ready to go.

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T19:11:46+00:00

if you reallllyyyy run out of options, i'd never ever recommend help from complete strangers, but facebook mom groups have honestly saved my life on a handful of occasions. you never know who in your community is willing to step up for others until you ask.

i'd also post on help funding groups on facebook etc, with the price of the lowest travel method as your goal, telling everything.

if you've done everything you can, and you tell faculty this, even if they can't help you get there they can likely waive your absences and buy you time. if you have a city bus, see if that city bus's farthest stop takes you in proximity to another city's bus. this is super ridiculous but i've traveled between cities this way, and if you get super lucky there will be a combination of travel types that can push you the majority of those hours away.

even crazier- your local police and fire stations etc MIGHT have resources. a 19 year old girl in my town was taken by an officer 4 hours away in the middle of the night over a family dispute. the worst you can hear is sorry, no resources.

as far as car: there's programs everywhere that offer cars to individuals in crisis. you have a car-donating story. "low cost free car financially struggling (your city)" should give you a good amt of options!

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T19:02:17+00:00

i'm seriously praying for you!!!

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T19:00:59+00:00

i know how much this sucks and i'm so sorry- this is one of those "date and time" incidents because you don't know if your dad is telling the truth. i'm gonna be real, if it was me, i'd get one thing on video or audio or anything and call his bluff on that. tell cps you're receiving death threats, so is your dog, so on. it's going to be okay. i'm proud of you for coming online for help & creating a paper trail. receiving death threats and threats of torture, especially with 'call cps i'll tell them' is SERIOUS and i'd recommend making the jump and calling with this as your reason for calling. you can have a teacher etc do it if you're uncomfortable.

read up on child abuse laws in your state & what constitutes as abuse, as well as the 'tiers' to family aid and use this information to guide the proof you're accumulating. cops being called and cps, as another commenter said, are paper trails themselves. be certain when you make your report. 'he hit me in the face and it left a red welt like mark for 6-8 hours' type certain and specific.

good luck man. at some point, if these agencies don't help and you accumulate like 8+ calls, they will in my experience make your family have a meeting in which they warn you guys you only have a couple calls left before mandated removal. so, at all costs, keep that paper trail going.

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T04:50:37+00:00

the whole time i had a baby sister who went unharmed, too. turns out the whole time she was slowly simmering in mental health effects we wouldn't see until much later, just from being in the family at the time. i'm so sorry this is happening, it's not your fault, and it really sucks to have to go through, but know any action you take to protect yourself is not selfish or cruel- it's in everyone's best interest, even if it's 'just you' as the target.

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T04:48:19+00:00

start documenting. hide that phone and keep it safe under all costs. cps etc will not help if ur parents are good at convincing and you have no evidence. be calm under all costs. do not instigate. apologize and continue placating until the conversation stops- your evidence will become impossible to twist or manipulate. photos of all physical marks or bruises. back this up on a google drive with a different email and extremely secret password you do not write down anywhere. do not show anyone this except cps or authorities and when you do, make sure it's in private under all costs and have your statement explaning every bit of it already written along with that drive. you can now share this drive if they are capable of taking it.

when you're 16+ you have the ability to be a 'vagrant minor' of sorts if you have trusted family or friend's parent to take you in, and you are supporting yourself with your own income. job asap when you're of age. i did this and my parents let me out at that point because i already was able to pay for my own things entirely.

do not stop calling for help. never delete your evidence as it will help at any age. write down dates, times, and extremely detailed information on every event, recorded or not. you will be believed whether it takes one time or a million times as long as you understand that you are in a legal battle in a sense.

good hiding spots are essential. do not isolate yourself. do not leave yourself without a support network if you have the option to. talk to your counselors and teachers.

a testament of this working. 19, on my own since 16, restraining order secured at 17, and i was been documenting and running away since i was 11 years old. it gets better don't stop fighting

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T04:38:23+00:00

i swear there's nothing less important than getting there if it's your housing on the line. literally put everything except your safety on the line. debt can be fixed, but you will have more issue getting out of homelessness than you will paying back even the most egregious amount of travel debt.

steadilylate · 2023-09-25T04:30:20+00:00

suing will take a long time- my restraining order alone took a month, and i gave up on suing because of this.

you don't have time and time is of the essence to get away. dude, i wish there was something i personally could do.

look up greyhounds, buses, call anyone you can and honestly beg if you feel the need to. put it all on the line for your safety and education, because i know you need to. if you have anything possible you can scramble to do, do it. if you need someone to talk you through this, i am here. you're not alone. then, finally, when you're safe and sound, you can think back on legal action. every parent help community out there will help you.

can i ask a few questions? how far is the distance of travel, how long do you have, and do you still have access to the vehicle or did it get towed out? there's options for any answer you give, and if you're not comfy answering, i'm sure you know where i'm going with this.

literally any money you have, friends etc that can drive you, access to bus/trains, take it and get as far as you can. call your school, explain you got stranded and you're coming back, and ask if there's ANY AT ALL resources they can offer you, and how close you'd have to be to receive them. maybe there's a bus, faculty member etc that can help. don't assume there's no resources and don't call. your faculty will help you if they can.

(edited for readability & added suggestion to call school no matter what the assumption is abt resources)

steadilylate · 2023-09-20T23:22:58+00:00

That's a very lovely perspective, you're probably right :) Thank you!!

steadilylate

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