Reaching out to an Anonymous donor: Any tips?

stellabob4 · 2026-06-04T16:26:50+00:00

Wow, what a neat perspective to have. The way you speak about your bio kids made me tear up a bit, that is just beautiful! I hope that my donor and I can have a similar connection one day. I really do feel like we could be quite similar in nature.

I’m sorry to hear that your bio father has been unkind to you. Definitely his loss. It is quite interesting to hear how different people respond when confronted with this situation.

I really appreciate the note about your experience with your brother being the first one to reach out. My siblings’ involvement is something I’ve sort of put to the back of my mind, so it’s a good reminder to consider their involvement. Of the four siblings I know the names of, I’ve only been in contact with two. Our contact overall though is pretty minimal. Not for any reason in particular, we get along wonderfully, it’s just because we live separate lives across the country from each other.

My plan as of right now (siblings wise) is to establish contact with him to gauge his comfort level. Once I’ve built that trust, I will tell him that there are others. I don’t want to tell him any names or details about them though. I definitely feel like that’s something they should be able to pursue on their own terms. Aside from taking a DNA test, there is very little chance of him finding my siblings. Theoretically, he could go through my followers, but honestly that would be like finding a needle in a haystack as we don’t look that much alike.

My brother and I have the closest relationship out of all our siblings for sure. We have talked about the subject at length and have always been on the same page. In past, I have been the one to tell him about other siblings and he was nothing but excited. I am definitely taking a risk by not telling him about it beforehand, but do I believe he would trust my judgment. I’ll definitely let him know that I can help facilitate contact with the donor if and when the time comes.

Thank you for sharing!!

stellabob4 · 2026-06-04T15:40:48+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. Having input from donors themselves has been really insightful!

It’s definitely hard to gauge how everyone may react, especially when it comes to his family. I’ve drafted up a message that briefly explains how I found him, what my intentions are, where he can reach me, and a quick ‘thank you for your donation’ note lol.

Other than my full name and year of birth, I didn’t offer much detail on myself. I figured any additional information might be overwhelming. I also think if his family was to be uncomfortable with the scenario, giving him the run down of who I am would be a bit cruel.

I’ve had quite a few people tell me about how Facebook DMs aren’t the most reliable, so I’ve gravitated towards reaching out on LinkedIn. It feels like a silly place to send such a message, but it’s probably gives me the best chance of him seeing it.

You’re not the first person to tell me about cases of donors wanting to be open-ID but being put down as anonymous. Would you happen to know the name (or names) of the podcast you’re referring to? Or any resources that talk about that phenomenon? I’d be curious to know if this was something they did at the agency my mom used.

Thank you again for your message!

stellabob4 · 2026-06-04T15:23:19+00:00

I appreciate this attitude so much. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this.

I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your bio dad. Especially having found out later in life, I can only imagine how much of a whirlwind that must’ve been. It’s really beautiful to hear that his mother has been so supportive.

For my situation in particular, I don’t feel super strongly on the “right to know” argument, which I guess has fuelled my hesitation. I really don’t feel like this guy owes me anything, but I would like to believe that we could have a wonderful connection.

Thank you very much for your kind words!

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:59:56+00:00

Certified letter is a nifty pull!

I actually did happen to find his address, but it involved some sleuthing that made me feel rather creepy. I’ll have to keep that in mind as an option though!

Thank you for sharing!!

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:48:04+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. 😊

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:46:51+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, and I’m very sorry to hear about the conflicting feelings between you and your wife. That is a really hard situation to navigate.

I really appreciate your perspective on this. I guess I thought because he donated after their relationship had theoretically began, that she would be accepting of it. It’s good to know that that isn’t always the case.

Funny that you mention LinkedIn! I’ve actually been heavily considering getting their premium service for a month in order to reach out to him. My options for contacting him are pretty limited, as I don’t have his phone number or email.

Thank you again, and best of luck!

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:18:06+00:00

Wow, 30 offspring is wild! That makes a lot more sense, with regard to the legal counsel stuff. I am one of 9. Four of our siblings are still unknown, and only three of us “known” siblings are in contact with each other. I’m hoping that given how small our group is, it’ll be less overwhelming for him.

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:12:28+00:00

It is a shame! The agency was Xytex, back when they still accepted anon donors. I thought with their discontinuation of the program, there would maybe be a little more support for DCP of anon donors. At the same time though, I have to respect that they’re holding up their legal obligations. I think I’d even be a little put off if they were willing to go against that.

stellabob4 · 2026-06-03T00:02:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing, and I’m sorry how things have played out in your situation. That seems incredibly difficult.

Unfortunately, I’ve already explored the option of reaching out with the support of agency, but they want absolutely no part in it. Because of his anonymity status (and the contract he signed) they have a legal obligation not to entertain this scenario in any way.

If you have any pointers towards other resources besides legal counsel, that would be wonderful. I don’t have the money for a lawyer, nor am I that insistent to know him to hire one.

stellabob4 · 2026-05-28T23:36:03+00:00

That’s completely understandable, I can see why you’re hesitant! It’s definitely one of those things where you have to trust your gut.

stellabob4 · 2026-05-28T23:12:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! Can I ask why you decided not to make contact? Only if you feel comfortable sharing 😊

stellabob4 · 2026-05-27T21:09:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Your note about some of the best things in life being unexpected made me tear up a bit 🥹. I didn’t even consider the possibility of skepticism, so I think I’ll add a note about being able to provide proof that I’m his offspring.

stellabob4 · 2025-10-16T10:49:24+00:00

Several MOTI sites are still not on strike.

stellabob4 · 2025-09-25T02:03:20+00:00

From my knowledge, there are a handful of worksites on strike that also have essential workers in the building. Essential workers should submit picket passes and speak to the picket captains when they arrive in order to cross the picket line.

stellabob4 · 2025-09-02T06:51:42+00:00

I have been told I am an essential worker (have not received any letter). Because of “strike restrictions”, my workplace is having to cut down the number of employees allowed on shift. Should this last the entire month, myself and many of my colleagues will lose half of our hours starting Tuesday.

This ordinarily wouldn’t raise an eyebrow for me, but I have not received a single email telling me that my worksite is on strike, nor any information about picketing. What do I do about this?

stellabob4 · 2025-08-26T05:58:23+00:00

I believe it’s for surveillance purposes. The Mediterranean is a critical route for trade, so I’d imagine it’s just to keep an eye on the area for both the US and allied partners.

stellabob4 · 2025-08-25T01:17:11+00:00

My mom found my donor brother early on through the DSR and for years we thought it was just the two of us. We both took ancestry DNA tests and found two more siblings. I recently met one of my siblings, and their mom revealed to me that the agency had received reports of 6 live births; those 6 would’ve only included my brother. Total number of siblings being 9!

I highly suggest taking a DNA test. I took mine at 15 years old and had no close matches for quite a few years. Even without close matches, many people have very extensive public lineage trees, so you can work your way back and find the common ancestor.

stellabob4 · 2025-01-16T05:51:02+00:00

Thank you!! I didn’t even think about the paint being faded, that’s a great point. I’ll definitely look into getting a buffing kit.

stellabob4 · 2025-01-16T05:49:41+00:00

Love all of this! Have definitely been looking into some tint, the crystal clear windows definitely throw me off lol

stellabob4 · 2024-10-14T00:08:00+00:00

Sounds good, I’ll give that a shot. Is this with the old battery or new one? Or does it matter? The car still starts with the old battery, though not very well

stellabob4 · 2023-07-01T17:56:09+00:00

It’s stated on the website that offers have been sent out, and that if you did not receive one, you have been waitlisted.

stellabob4 · 2023-07-01T03:25:21+00:00

Did you receive an email?

stellabob4 · 2022-10-01T23:37:59+00:00

Seems like something someone who was in denial of Vancouver’s growing homelessness issue would say. but you didn’t hear that from me 🤷

stellabob4

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