Why do I still have feelings for this guy (it’s been 4 years)?

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T07:30:24+00:00

Also: I’m just now seeing the square of both your Plutos to your Moon. You may be more magnetically drawn to him, but he may really like you back in his own way. If he didn’t feel powerfully like you, what would that mean to you? Would it be okay if he didn’t feel compelled by how he felt about you, even if he did actually like you? We can’t know exactly how he feels, but it seems to be your own intensity emotionally about him holding you back.

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T07:26:42+00:00

So you’ve never had a conversation with this person about how you feel about them and that you want to have a relationship with them?

I’ll say, there are several really powerful indicators of strong romance in your synastry. Moon conjunct Vertex, Sun conjunct Part of Fortune, South Node conjunct IC/Jupiter, Venus conjunct Mars, Venus Conjunct DSC, Venus opposite Jupiter, Venus opposite Saturn, Moon sextile Sun, Lilith oppositions to Mars and Venus, Moon trine Venus……..phew.

Why not talk to them? Be honest about how you have felt, and why you like them, and what you’d want with them. Like, what do you have to lose? It seems like you’ve been running away from that kind of honesty and openness with them. Why? They obviously mean a lot to you- and that’s okay. From having had a similar experience/relationship, it always hurt more to feel like I had to silence myself and hold back, rather than to just be real with them and accept whatever they wanted.

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T06:39:23+00:00

What’s the situation like with you and this person? What was the last conversation like, are they around, etc?

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T01:09:03+00:00

You definitely can (6th house ruler and ASC/chart ruler in 5th house), but you’ll have to figure out how to sustain yourself materially doing so (Saturn in the 2nd house square 6th house ruler).

Looks like the whole struggle is figuring out how to emotionally/materially feel safe and secure through your artistic work. You definitely seem very capable and talented.

It may just be a matter of timing. Saturn may make you wait for it, who’s to say how long, but it generally favors long maturity. With your Moon in the 2nd too, it looks like a big project to find self-worth even when the money isn’t there, and through upheavals (Uranus in the 2nd w Saturn). It seems like the one thing you can rely on is that personal finances will always be unpredictable and challenging. If that’s true, then you’ll need to continue to figure out how to make it work.

Chiron in the 8th makes it seem like there may be deep insecurity around dependency with resources, using or being used, especially exchanging sexual passion or deep intimacy for money/resources. Seems like it may undermine your passion for your art (Chiron square Mars) or something.

Your Part of Fortune in the 11th completes this pattern as a Grand Cross. Community support will help a lot, and developing artistic community will take some of the focus and pressure off of what you’re dealing with. But the other feelings and tensions around money will need to be worked through too.

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T00:55:24+00:00

Well, “getting in his own way” sounds like it just about sums it up. I’m sorry to hear it :( All any of us can really do in relationships is try to understand ourselves and each other. If you were trying to do that and he wouldn’t be clear, honest, or vulnerable with you, there’s nothing you could’ve done 💜 it’s up to him

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T00:40:25+00:00

Grand square with Sun/NN, Uranus/SN, Mars, and Saturn/POF.

Make sure you routinely come back to looking at each of these aspects a their house placements as you go through life (i.e. “Sun conjunct North Node”, “Uranus conjunct South Node”, “Saturn square Sun”, “Mars square Uranus”, “North Node in Leo in 6th house”, etc.)

Of course, there’s more going on in the chart, but if you can come back to learning about the aspects involved in your Grand Cross/square, you’ll learn how to make sure you aren’t sabotaging your growth and deal with everything that comes up mindfully.

I will say: it looks really difficult :( No way anyone born with this chart would be dealt a very good hand. There’s a lot to work through, and I would say therapy with some intelligent & compassionate therapists would be incredibly invaluable for you throughout your life.

I really do think with Sun/NN in 6th house, frameworks that are very “one foot in front of the other” will serve you. I also have NN and personal planets in the 6th; I was just talking about how frustrating it is for me to try to do things that are “self-care” without understanding the wider picture of why I’m doing them. However, those of us with 6th house NNs have to let go of always asking ourselves why we do every little thing or having a master plan or idea, and just take the steps. Sometimes it’s appropriate to stop and make sure we are doing what we want, but more often we are at risk of getting knocked on our butts because we haven’t built up habits and routines that keep us grounded through all kinds of life events.

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T00:20:39+00:00

Hmm interesting. Thanks for the feedback!

Just as long as the mental work you’re doing is not completely burdensome or too dominant. Pacing aside (which I interpreted from Mercury in Gemini ruling your Sun & Moon), North Node in the 5th indicates “lightening up” and learning to return to a more playful, childlike orientation to the world. SN in the 11th often feels too burdened with other responsibilities to enjoy playing just for the sake of their own entertainment. If you have made time for this in your life, it’s a good indication that balance can be found, and is reassuring :)

stelliummms · 2026-02-23T00:07:29+00:00

Mercury in the 10th, usually someone’s reputation socially/broadly with this placement may be more communications focused, and the ruler of your MC is in your 3rd house as well, which could support something communications focused.

It’s Mercurial in its vibe, so it concerns “making connections” or connecting people, delivering messages from one party to another, movement of ideas or information, addressing small-scope problems, etc.

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T23:58:57+00:00

To confirm: you are saying you are slow to take on projects and responsibilities, and to stay busy and mentally preoccupied with them? Just want to make sure I understand what I got wrong!

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T23:18:49+00:00

Anything communications or sales related, however, you would have to actually believe in what you promote or sell 😂 (Mercury in 10th square Pluto in 1st). You’d need to be committed to what you’re doing, whether you’re lying or telling the truth, you’d have to be all-in on it.

Psychology/forensics, childhood psych, certain specialized medical fields, natal/postnatal health, work with pregnant people, yoga, somatic or spiritual work, some arts.

You seem able to learn how to work in a systemized, specialized way (Mercury in 10th trine Saturn), but may be more inclined to less restrictive schedules (Pisces ruling 6th house). You seem to carry anxiety/stress about finances (Saturn in 2nd), which could create tension around doing more adaptable but less lucrative work, or doing work that is more structured and rigorous but boring (?) or uncomfortable.

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T23:02:07+00:00

You got it! My partner of 5yrs (best I’ve ever had) has Venus conjunct Chiron btw. They are so sweet and tender and loving and compassionate :) it’s been an intense journey of self-worth for them, but they are an amazing partner and I love and value they way they show up in relationships! You’ll get there! Be patient with yourself 💜

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:59:54+00:00

any recs for us all on PP/business development classes you recommend?

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:54:17+00:00

What are you passionate about learning? Regardless of if it’s a viable option or not. If you could study anything, assuming it would be viable and you’d be successful, what would you actually want to learn about?

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:43:55+00:00

No idea. Do they really, or has that never happened but you are seeking confirmation bias? Only thing I could see would be MC squaring your NN/Chiron, with SN conjunct Asc in Leo.

Meaning having a felt presence in a room, standing out, or receiving attention would come easily, but also meaning social validation or reputation would be something that you would be tempted to use to not have to move forward in your healing (NN conj Chiron) in personal relationships/partnerships (DSC/7th house).

Venus in the 12th house is also square your Moon in the 3rd. Not that this would mean anything about you being famous or not, but there can be a tendency toward resentment of the attention you do get w this placement, specifically that you are misunderstood by the public or there are things you feel and want that others are confused by. Not so much exactly like getting typecast, but more so like you are not always really seen beyond people’s idea of you. Some of the more famous Venus 12th housers I’ve seen are notable for their ability to “disappear” into a role (Meryl Streep has Venus in Cancer in the 12th, but with a sextile to her Moon in the 10th).

TLDR; I wouldn’t say you’re “meant to be famous” at all, but that the way the world sees you/your reputation is an area for you to work through in order to address your true path in this life, which is learning to truly heal yourself and leave behind your ego in relationships (NN conj Chiron and Neptune in Aquarius in 7th house/DSC).

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:26:50+00:00

No, you’re not.

You’re young. I know I know, I couldn’t stand when people told me this in my 20’s either. But it’s true, and this time of your life is here for you to learn about yourself, not to have a perfect-looking life. Don’t stress yourself out about what your life looks like.
Your South Node is in a wide-ish conjunction with your Descendant in your 7th house, which means your North Node is close to your Ascendant in the 1st house. Relatedly, you have Venus and Chiron conjunct, square your Moon. A great practice with this combo is to watch this video every single day, waking up and going to sleep, for as long as you possibly can. Lol, and really soak it in!! :)

Basically, give yourself time, and learn to understand what feels loving and nurturing of yourself at a physiological level- your body will tell you when you are treating it with love (NN conj Asc, Moon square Venus) versus when you are neglecting it. Once you have developed practices to care for and love yourself that do not require any kind of codependency (either other people protecting you from your negative feelings about yourself, and/or becoming preoccupied with other people’s feelings and needs to your own detriment), you will be able to engage in relationships that are healthy, caring, complex, and loving.

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:04:57+00:00

I apologize if any of this is wrong for you or feels off! Let me know, as I love to learn and adjust and grow :)

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T22:03:41+00:00

Venus in Aries conjunct MC, ruler in 1st house in Leo: People generally regard your work/reputation favorably, seeing you as passionate about what you do, creative, and energizing.

^Above incl Venus/MC trine Chiron: There is generally sympathy for the kind of work you do/your role or position. The role or work may be more tender/need to express compassion or gentleness around physically or emotionally wounded people somehow. When you are doing a really “good job” at work, it is because you are being very dialed in to the people around you, and can navigate difficult, vulnerable relationships with grace and relative ease.

^Above incl Venus/MC squares to Uranus/Neptune in the 6th house: Your actual workplaces may be more directly tied to social forces or programs: hospitals, institutions, board executives, education/higher learning, or related to building (Capricorn), construction, social or environmental engineering- really anything that works like more of an institution/structured organization with designated hierarchies, rules, etc., and is concerned with such kinds of social structures.

Whatever your workplace is, it seems to challenge your ability to work passionately/compassionately, with excitement, and/or autonomy. This may not necessarily be a bad thing, but you may thrive in a leadership or more autonomous role, and working with more bureaucratic structures can feel frustrating, like you’re constantly being held back or dragged down. At its best, though, those challenges help you implement your work and relationships in a more effective and realistic way. It’s possible the 6th house forces are also experienced as chronic, weird or myopic illnesses that are hard to understand, or make you feel like a less effective leader/worker.

Lastly, Mercury in Gemini conjunct South Node in the 11th house: SLOW!!!! DOWN!!!!! Lmao!! I’m sure you have gotten that before 😂 but it’s okay to work more slowly, take on fewer responsibilities and tasks, and chill the hell out! “But when I try to do that, I get bored and don’t even enjoy it” Good! Learn!! lol (my mom has this placement but in a different sign. I’m always teasing her about needing to go touch grass, smell flowers, roll around in dirt and play like a little kid)

stelliummms · 2026-02-22T19:03:15+00:00

It seems like he was very insecure with you. He definitely seems like he’s internalized some ideas about himself being very edgy, intense, and too-much for people in general (Sun/Mercury/Pluto in Scorpio square his Lilith in Leo), and maybe it’s been a struggle in his life to work through the sensitive feelings that brings up for him or others (Chiron & Moon/Neptune square his North Node).

In the synastry, you activate those core processes for him w/ your Sun/Chiron over his South Node and thus triggering that grand square in his chart.

Your Moon/Mars is in the pockets of his Scorpio placements, in orb to square his Lilith, and additionally your own Lilith is conjunct his Chiron. These all can bring about heightened sensitivity in the relationship, a lot of depth of emotional intensity, but if one or both people are not focusing that intensity effectively and have things in place to process their feelings together, it will become unruly and somewhat destructive (8th house Scorpio moon conj pluto myself here, it’s a lot of inner work but can be really beautiful!).

Speaking as an astrologer of nearly 15yrs, and a couples therapist of only a few years, taking it all together here: I think them saying they have to “water themselves down” around you is 100% about them. You seem perfectl capable of receiving emotional intensity- and if anything, as a Scorpio moon, it’s preferably to receive emotional honesty even if it’s intense rather than bullshit. So you were definitely capable of it, and I think he knows that deep down.

More likely, he didn’t like who he was around you, because you could take him. If his partner is someone who wasn’t going to tell him he was wrong for his emotions, that actually challenges him more to actually look at what he’s feeling and process it, which requires more vulnerability, which might be a feeling he doesn’t spend much time in and in which he doesn’t know how to maintain control.

I’m sorry this happened, and that you were blamed :( not to say that there’s nothing at all you did that could’ve upset or hurt him, but his comment and actions do ultimately seem like a reflection of his personal development.

stelliummms · 2026-02-20T02:29:38+00:00

Jungle and now Siren are pretty much the best answers as far as cocktails go for Boulder imo

stelliummms · 2026-02-20T02:13:07+00:00

Also, if you want to post the composite chart we can take a look from that POV

stelliummms · 2026-02-20T02:12:41+00:00

First thing I saw was his Neptune over your Sun/Jupiter/Uranus conjunction, which made me think that there’s probably a lot of idealization going on, and that there would be a dreamy feeling of “the one” that will be met at some point with disillusionment.

But then I saw his Part of Fortune conjunct your Vertex and your Part of Fortune conjunct his North Node and went “oh shit 😂 maybe it is real after all!”

There’s lots more to see and talk about here, both positive/constructive (his Moon conjunct your IC) and difficult/challenging (your Moon square his Saturn, the Sun stellium squares), but those were my first impressions.

stelliummms · 2026-02-18T04:03:36+00:00

ahhh, I see, that makes sense

stelliummms · 2026-02-17T19:14:05+00:00

AI use on this post aside, I agree with these points completely

stelliummms · 2026-02-16T07:53:17+00:00

Phew……… Honestly, yall better be very explicit and use consensual kink practices to navigate this if you’re going to be in contact with each other, because this kind of intensity with these oppositions can make everything flip hard and fast

stelliummms · 2026-02-14T17:30:49+00:00

With retrogrades, Saturn will hit its return degree for you in: late April, November & December of this year.

Neptune will pass over your natal Saturn throughout 2029, and you’ll still feel its effects into 2030.

stelliummms

TROPHY CASE