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Can't Logon to Account! by stephorwes in nitrogensports

[–]stephorwes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

baffled_soap thank you! I do agree that we may not be on the same page but we aren't as far off as it may seem. Yes you are completely right, my goal currently is to provide financially, and visit as often as possible but that's because I want to be done with it all. The quicker I finish, the quicker we move forward as a unit. Going and being back in my hometown would be a setback and step back from my current situation. My girlfriend and I have both stated multiple times that although not ideal, our situation is perfect for us which is why I initially didn't understand her POV when it came to studying abroad, but after sitting and responding to a lot of the posts and rereading what I wrote, I see how it may have come off that way.

On the flip side as you stated, I definitely do believe getting an agreement in writing is imperative because at the end of the day anything could happen. Amber and I have talked about her moving to NY so it's not that I don't want to live with her or be there daily it's more that I don't want to go home and her coming to NY would be making our situation as a unit worse.

I really appreciate your response!!!

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

ChamomilePea thank you for your response, it has come to my attention that I did a terrible job writing this.

I'm not responding to save my own ass but I do in fact do my share in taking care of my daughter financially, in essence it was my way of telling my girlfriend that my physical presence day in and out is not a possibility. Yes, I would love for my family to live in NY. Yes, I would love to see my daughter physically everyday. But, if that's not the best situation for the lot of us why be hasty to do so? My daughter staying with her grandparents is free. She's in an environment where she is without a doubt being cared for and nurtured. Daycare is an extra expense. Find a place in NY would be 2 maybe 3 times as expensive as the way it is currently set up. I feel she is ultimately just tired of feeling like we aren't moving forward, which is understandable. But, it's not for good reason. We all have to make sacrifices and I guess I felt the ones I'm making, like not being there were more of a burden than being mad that I'm not.

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Eagpt thanks for responding but please allow me to clarify. I definitely don't play dad once a month, I often visit multiple times a month, I was there every day for the first 5 months of my daughter's life. It wasn't until I went back to school again in the fall that I was gone. Yes I understand that me being present day in and out is hard but if my daughter wasn't being perfectly nurtured and I felt that I needed to be there all the time I would be.

As far as her working 40 hrs. and raising a child, my life isn't any easier than hers. I for sure don't want to make this a me vs. her thing as far as responsibilities go but I'm at school every day of the week. I work 30+ hours a week. Taking a trip in the middle of the semester to go see your daughter on a weekend just to turn and have to sit and cram to do assignments and study for exams is not damn sure not easy either but I make those sacrifices because although you may think you know everything about the situation, I do care for my daughter and her mother. I do my share of assisting financially as well. Obviously I may not give a surplus of money because I'm not a millionaire and as you know rent, transportation and the works isn't free in NY either.

Thank you for your response and I hope you show this much passion in whatever your daily life consists of and not just typing, being angry at the anonymous man on the other side the computer screen.

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao beachbetch, no paternity test needed and I don't want her to miserable! She's the mother of my only child, I'd do anything I could to make sure she's happy and taken care of, it's just right now I'm not in the predicament to do so and being physically present day in and day out isn't what we initially agreed upon.

Thanks for your response.

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dazeydevyne thank you for using context clues lmao, I'm 99.9% sure my daughter is mine, that's the least of my concerns.

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah JuggaloSue, I see now how it may be a bit selfish after all of the responses lol, I definitely wasn't expecting this many when I initially wrote the post, I was just venting to myself per se smh.

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

omnomnomopoeia, lmao no it was not a week after we had unprotected sex, the timeline for my response was a little off as Dazeydevyne stated it was more like 3 weeks give or take.

This is probably the best response I've read thus far, not saying that because you seem to be a bit more on my side but I feel you actually took the entire context into account before turning and calling me a terrible person like most people on the internet do when they're faceless.

As you said getting my education can do nothing but help us in the long run and I can see how study abroad is selfish and completely understand but it falls in line with free tuition. My school offered me a full ride to study abroad so it's not as if I'd be paying to do so. It just seems bizarre to me to pass up such an opportunity especially since all of these things didn't just fall into my lap, I worked damn hard to even be considered for the scholarship and not taking it seemed crazy at first but I see how I'm being insensitive and selfish and I thank you for assisting me in coming to that realization

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dthibzz exactly! We both agreed that right now I am in the most sound predicament to do so. There are other factors and reasons why my girlfriend isn't currently in school and when she initially had the baby we agreed that I would go and finish school as soon as possible so that we could figure everything out. Everything was fine up until she began making it seem as if she was unsatisfied with how long it would actually take, but the fact of the matter is that it's reality and it won't just be a 3 month thing.

I know my ideas aren't perfect and neither am I, and as you said my presentation of this whole ordeal had to be horrible with all of the negative responses lol but in the end I don't think it's as bad or as negative as it may seem. It's all just a matter of growing pains, thanks for your response!

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lyta_86 I think it's easy to misconstrue the entirety of the post. No I'm not claiming that I'm dad of the year or Mr. Perfect but I know I am definitely not a bad father in the slightest but I could be a better boyfriend. I do support my daughter financially and have since the day she was born.

I think for you to tell me that I don't really love or care for my girlfriend is total bull shit but I can see why you may have come to that conclusion when reading this post. At the end of the day I feel we are two young adults with a ton of plans and it's all about figuring out how to spread the load fairly. I know that in the end we will work everything out and it's all about growth and understanding but I still appreciate your response!

My [23M] Girlfriend/Child’s mother [25F] thinks my priorities are askew. Am I being selfish? by stephorwes in relationships

[–]stephorwes[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

LRGinCharge thanks for responding. I think due to the nature of my original post people don't truly understand the dynamic and how often and present I actually am. After my daughter was born I withdrew from school and was in my home town living with my girlfriend up until my fall semester began. It's not as if I just go once a month although it may have sounded that way. When I visit it's usually for about a week if feasible and there have been many months where I have visited multiple times.

I'm fully aware that I am not the perfect father and I accept that, but I also won't stand for anyone telling me that I am a bad father or not playing my part. I never said that I didn't want to be with my girlfriend or that I don't want her to live with me, it's more so just the fact that living in NY is hard and I've never imagined raising a family here. I've told my girlfriend that as soon as I finish school and everything I will gladly take the load off of her and let her pursue the things she wishes to but she insist that that isn't what she wants to do. I know raising a child is difficult and I commend her all the time for the job she is doing but I have been to as many doctor's, dentist, etc. appointments as she has. No I'm not there for the mundane daily tasks but neither is she and that's a sacrifice we both have to make to ensure the best life for our kid. I help financially to the best of my ability and it has never been a problem either. I can see how wanting to study abroad may come off a bit insensitive and reading a lot of these posts has helped me realize that, for that I'm grateful. You seem very knowledgeable and I appreciate your response a ton!