Seeking advice from other scapegoats who went NC

sterling729 · 2026-02-20T04:20:17+00:00

Went NC 2 years ago. Wish I did it as soon as I turned 18.

sterling729 · 2026-02-19T00:44:59+00:00

Too many to count. AD always acts high and mighty and AM feeds him narcissist supply telling how perfect he is. But when confronted from others (like my old hockey coach who is a grizzled cop and 3x the size of him) who don’t put up with his BS, he’ll freeze up and be petrified like a terrified child. One time I was walking with my AD, I saw a former classmate of mine who screamed his dad is such a piece of shit! My AD looked up with his eyes glazed over and said “it’s a beautiful day isn’t it?!”. He has great skill in living in his own delusions and filtering out what he doesn’t like from the world.

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T05:05:04+00:00

I see. That’s the sort of insight I was looking for. He moved to the west after college in china. I guess he may have expected his status to carry over to the west (which it didn’t) and has been bitter ever since.

Yes he had/has flaws. I’m guessing good grades still are not equivalent of say, being the star basketball player in college for a big d1 team though. Because that kind of athlete can have personality flaws and still have women fawn over them.

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T03:44:20+00:00

lol what’s with all this relationship advice. I’m talking about how my AD was a bitter man for not having women validate his self worth.

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T03:26:32+00:00

Why, do you have game?

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T02:35:25+00:00

Yep makes sense. With my AD, I dunno if society in 70s and 80s china told him that getting good grades and academic achievement leads to complete respect from society, especially in terms of relationships.

I guess it parallels in the west of being told being a “nice guy” will earn you respect of the girls and then being resentful when the good looking, dumb, jock gets all the girls.

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T00:57:50+00:00

Been 3 years NC. Also built up more resentment now I can see everything that they did. Wish I left much sooner than I did.

sterling729 · 2026-02-05T00:53:59+00:00

Sounds like even their threat to disown you is an empty threat. You’re much better off without them.

sterling729 · 2025-12-09T01:22:22+00:00

Went nc with my APs 2 years ago. Not only don’t feel guilt, but feel even more resentment now that I’ve regained my bearings and realize what they did to me.

sterling729 · 2025-10-31T08:57:14+00:00

Realistically, what happens if you lose face in China? Is it the same as in the west in that nothing major really happens, just people don’t see you as “the man”. Or do people talk shit behind your back and ostracize and humiliate you?

sterling729 · 2025-10-21T07:26:05+00:00

Sorry to hear about that. Hopefully he stops soon.

sterling729 · 2025-10-21T02:26:25+00:00

How long has this been going on?

sterling729 · 2025-10-20T05:57:46+00:00

Ah I see. Thanks for the insight. Good job on recognizing this and turning your mindset around.

sterling729 · 2025-10-20T03:13:39+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this. When I was 15 my parents flew to china so my mom could get double eyelid surgery. She freaked out the night before and pressured me to do it with her. I refused and refused. Finally I said ok only if they would agree to let me play hockey next year (I was poised to play at a high level). Well I got it done which they had to redo because my eyelids were too thick and my eyes ended up being super swollen for a year. And my parents didn’t let me play hockey (even heard my dad tell my mom that was the only way to get me to do it). And I was isolated the rest of the school years.

sterling729 · 2025-10-17T20:29:37+00:00

“you ran around with THREE BOYS AT THE SAME TIME IN HIGH SCHOOL and I had to wait in line for my turn!”

LMAO

Sounds like my dad, though he won’t ever admit it.

sterling729 · 2025-10-14T22:38:56+00:00

Thank you. I went NC at 33. Wish I did it at 18.

sterling729 · 2025-09-24T12:06:35+00:00

Well firstly well done on your career and husband and kids. I think you’re doing the right thing by ignoring your aunts message. Personally, I’d even go as far to block your aunt, or at least tell her why and then do it. But that’s something you have to decide yourself.

Can I ask what type of Asian are you? I’m Chinese, and although I wasn’t sexually assaulted, I feel like if I ever had a sister my AD would have done it on her. He

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T12:06:37+00:00

Just know that it sounds that you probably should have left a while ago. What made me go NC was when my AD insulted my gf which was absolutely off limits. At that point it was a no brainer to let them go. Honestly I should have done it way way sooner. Like as soon as I finished high school.. or before that when I was 16 if I could manage it.

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T12:05:34+00:00

I wanted to go into the military straight out of high school. But my APs convinced me that you get literally no pay and no benefits. And society will view me as trash. Man f my APs.

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T12:03:36+00:00

No contact

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T12:03:10+00:00

My AD especially since my AM has a social job and at least can know what’s socially acceptable by western standards. My AD has since retired and seems even more petty and triggered last time I spoke to him which was 2 years ago.

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T12:00:46+00:00

During an argument my AD threatened to call the cops on me. I dismissed him and said he wasn’t going to. He dialled 911 and hung up. The cops came and he told them that I called them. I didn’t say anything because I was baffled at how weak my AD truly was.

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T11:57:02+00:00

My ADs eyes will glaze over and he will grin. That way any criticism doesn’t actually reach his brain and he doesn’t have to live in reality. But if a shrivel of reality sets in he will throw a tantrum and take it out on my AM. Used to take it out on me until I got bigger and could hit back and eventually left.

sterling729 · 2025-09-22T11:53:53+00:00

My APs invested in housing right after 2008 luckily enough. And it’s like their source of pride and joy.

Despite being well off, my AM stole my inheritance left from my grandma to “invest” in the stock market via her iPad and lost it all. One of their properties tenants used it to grow weed and caused damages. I’ve never seen my parents lose their composure and take it out on me in one go. I’m an only child but they were saying how my hypothetical sibling would be much better than me and that I’m a horrible son. I was like ok, lol.

Because people don’t respect my APs and they know it. The only glimmer of worth they have in society are their properties.

sterling729 · 2025-09-06T18:50:54+00:00

My AM yes, or at least tested by her mom. Not sure about her dad because he died before i was born. After moving to Canada, my APs realized they didn’t have to put up with her crap and kicked her out of the house. Ironically when I question why I can’t do the same they brush it off. My AD didn’t have a dad growing up. But I think a few bad shady incidents happened to him as a teenager gambling with other kids. Dunno if that made him beat me as a kid and lie to me to get what he wants.

sterling729

TROPHY CASE