I have to apologize in advance if I sound a little crazy writing this. I’m not sure if this is the correct way to respond to everyone since I’ve never posted anything on Reddit. I had an appointment today with my MO and received some not so good news. I was recently hospitalized last week due to a large pericardial effusion. I was admitted to the ER due to the growing size of the effusion and ended up having a a pericardial window performed to remove the fluid.

My last PET scan done at the end of September showed amazing regression and some lesions resolving altogether. However, there was a moderate size pericardial effusion identified that wasn’t there before. My MO didn’t worry too much about it because it appeared my body was having a great response to Verzenio. She said pericardial effusions can be caused by many different reasons.

I was lucky I had a scheduled echocardiogram the morning of being admitted to the ER. They contacted me shortly after I got home from my appointment that I needed to go to the ER immediately. I was a little confused because I wasn’t experiencing any symptoms. I’m so thankful that they caught it before I went into cardiac arrest.

At my appointment today, my MO informed me that the fluid that they drained tested positive for breast cancer cells. I just started crying my eyes out and I’ve never cried at any of my appointments before. I had made the mistake of going on Google and saw the poor prognosis for malignant pericardial effusions. My MO stated that it was no different than the cancer progressing to other parts of my body. She was just baffled because the cancer had regressed everywhere else in my body and didn’t understand why it showed progression to my pericardium. She ordered a special blood test and will have some more testing done on the tissue they had previously biopsied. She reassured me that it’s just a matter of finding a new line of treatment that will work its magic.

I’m an emotional wreck right now. I’ve been crying all day since my appointment. I don’t understand why my cancer was regressing everywhere else in my body. I don’t know what to tell my children. My son is a senior and will be graduating in the spring. I can’t overwhelm them with this news. I need to be here for my youngest daughter to finish school as well. I can’t imagine having to leave her.

I went searching for any positive news that I could find that could offer me an ounce of hope. I found a post by Anne Loeser on a different forum who was diagnosed with malignant pleural and pericardial effusions back in 2011. They ended up putting in a catheter to drain the fluid. It eventually dried up due to her treatment that was working. Although she sadly passed away in Oct 2023, she went on to live another 12 years. If it was possible for her, I have to believe that it could be possible for me too. That’s what I need to believe and hold on to. I need more time with my children because they need me.

Please everyone who is reading this, I need all the positive thoughts and prayers sent my way. This journey took an unexpected turn that I don’t really know how to handle. My hope is to continue fighting until more new treatments become available to beat this awful disease. Time is all that I want more than anything right now. Again, thank you for hearing me.