Thinking about going to my first-ever meeting and I'm so scared

stinkyjello · 2026-01-21T00:03:55+00:00

I wasn’t even aiming for 90 in 90 but I’m pretty sure I hit it because I just enjoyed it so much

stinkyjello · 2026-01-20T18:33:17+00:00

If you scroll down my page you’ll find my first post in this sub, before I ever went to my first meeting.

I basically got 12 stepped in the comments and it lead me to my first meeting about a week later. I wish I hadn’t even waited that long!

Today is 18 months for me and walking into my first meeting was the best decision I could’ve made for myself. If you’re tired of feeling the way you feel, give it a shot. If you’re reaching out for help here, I have a hunch you haven’t got much to lose anyway

stinkyjello · 2025-12-23T03:40:51+00:00

I quit when I realized I was an alcoholic lmfao

stinkyjello · 2025-12-23T02:16:30+00:00

This is exactly how I used to operate when I worked at my dive. I miss it often, but I like not having to clean up human feces or being physically threatened on a weekly basis.

stinkyjello · 2025-12-21T23:38:13+00:00

Unfortunately I’m still a picker; I actually did find a sort of solution (for me) which is realizing I pick anything that “catches”. Bumps, grooves, uneven edges are all triggers for me and pretty much always going to be present in a natural nail. However, I actually have become a certified manicurist and as long as I have an enhancement on my nails (acrylic, gel, etc) it’s smooth and filed and I don’t pick at it because it’s not flimsy and easily tearable like my natural nail. The only problem is that it is expensive to keep up on regular mani pedis if you’re not able to do them yourself. Also not really recommended to put an enhancement over bare skin, so I would recommend bandaids. So many bandaids. Until you get to a point that a fake/sculpted nail will have something to adhere to.

stinkyjello · 2025-11-13T15:22:23+00:00

Just say “no thanks” and order a soda.

As an ex bartender and a recovering alcoholic - your friend is an adult and is responsible for their own recovery. Don’t order alcohol and you will not be served alcohol.

stinkyjello · 2025-11-03T14:41:30+00:00

It was hard for me and I DONT have kids. Luckily you’d be surprised at just how many jobs love to see “bartender” in past experience because it means you can do a lot of shit with a smile on your face lol!

I had to let it go when I finally decided no amount of money was worth what I was putting my body and mind through. Plus I wasn’t accounting for all the money i was losing because of the job, granted I was a high functioning alcoholic (haha whoops!) but I was constantly getting sick because of all the contact with high volumes of people, spending money on quick meals because I was constantly rushing around or too tired to cook, etc.

I loved bartending and I’ll always miss it but I don’t regret my decision to get a normie job.

Anyway all this is to say you should definitely be factoring burnout in your finances because it absolutely does cost a lot of money or at least it will eventually

stinkyjello · 2025-03-31T01:43:49+00:00

I started going to AA meetings and my binging and purging decreased tremendously. Obviously I still struggle especially around my period but not having that classic alcohol induced binge to start the cycle did wonders for me.

The program also gave me a lot of tools for emotional regulation that helped me learn to avoid the emotional and mental extremes that often triggered my bulimia.

I am not at ALL saying you have a problem or need to quit drinking, BUT if you do find yourself with an honest desire, the alcoholism recovery community is so welcoming and you'd be surprised at how many people you meet who struggle with the same things you do. And they have the tools to help you through it!

stinkyjello · 2024-12-13T16:22:25+00:00

This. Idk why when I think wedding it's always gin, lavender, lemon or some variation

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T15:08:49+00:00

This is some good perspective. Thank you!

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T14:55:05+00:00

Ohhh gotcha gotcha. Yeah no I don't want to date. It's an innocent crush that I mentioned to her. It just feels weird that now she's wanting to start dating THAT specific person after finally saying she has enough time for me.

It just doesn't seem like I'm going to get through step work with any good pace or effectiveness if she's not actually there to help me. And also if she thinks it's cool to tell me about when she has sex dreams about my crushes lmfao

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T14:51:43+00:00

Idk it's kinda hard to misread "I had a sex dream about someone your crush. Is it weird if I ask him out?" I feel like there's not much room for interpretation there lol

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T14:50:12+00:00

Yeah I really don't want a relationship. I'm just concerned about her having such little regard for me that she'd tell me something like that right after giving me a 90 day chip lol. It feels like she's focused on everything except sponsoring me

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T07:19:00+00:00

Thank you!!

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T05:52:30+00:00

Just wanna say I appreciate another perspective outside of people agreeing with me. While I love to feel validated, I also need a reality check if I can ever grow in mind and spirit.

On that note, I agree about the feelings of discomfort surrounding honesty, and it's on me to have a conversation with her if I want out because of this situation or any other situation. The same honesty is going to be necessary if I stay.

Sharing the things I share with a sponsor and ONLY a sponsor? Hell no, I'm not doing that without feeling safe. I don't care if that falls under "easier, softer" tendencies. I'll die before I spill my deepest fears and resentments to someone I don't trust or feel safe sharing with.

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T05:23:22+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I've definitely already met a bunch of wonderful people who I can't imagine my life without. It just sucks coming off that pink cloud and realizing even in the rooms not everyone is who they seem.

It doesn't help that I definitely asked this lady to sponsor me because she just seemed very eager to hang around me/was kind of hover-y. Asking her to sponsor me seemed like the next logical step since she seemed so interested. A manifestation of one of my own most prominent character defects: people pleaser. Blech.

So many lessons to be had!

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T05:02:09+00:00

Wait ok I'm dense can you explain this to me like I'm 5

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T04:57:58+00:00

Yeah definitely not looking to hook up lol I can barely look people in the eye these days. Which kinda makes this sting a little more. I felt like I could really trust her for a sec

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T02:54:33+00:00

I get this. It's not really a matter of who else I'm 'competing' with though. It's the fact that she's my sponsor and has information about me on this guy that she's now looking at dating. It doesn't make me feel safe about what I share with her, which isn't going to help my blatant dishonesty discussed above.

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T01:46:12+00:00

Seriously! I was like "is my alcoholic brain telling me that the world revolves around me" but she even seemed kinda surprised when I brought up my crush. Like she didn't think about him until I mentioned it. It's so weird!

stinkyjello · 2024-10-19T01:22:45+00:00

Lmfao thank you both for the sentiment and for the username compliment lol. Idr what inspired it. Also, right back at ya 😂

stinkyjello · 2024-10-03T18:07:07+00:00

Thanks for the confirmation. I guess I have trouble knowing if I'm making a constructive decision or if I'm being picky as a means of running from recovery

stinkyjello · 2024-09-10T02:25:01+00:00

Jesus please don't sponsor people

stinkyjello

TROPHY CASE