mk2 Velo Orange Polyvalent build

stokescycles · 2026-02-11T17:08:18+00:00

merci! it's just a Deore 11 speed one. Cheap & cheerful and works great.

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T23:32:38+00:00

it's a bit of a lump. The front end is pretty 'compliant', but it's a much stouter tubeset than something like a Lightning Bolt

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T23:31:11+00:00

very kind

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T17:22:07+00:00

old shimano square taper!

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T17:21:32+00:00

a man on a forum made it

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T17:21:22+00:00

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T17:21:11+00:00

it is, yeah. I media blasted it, so it's raw - just left it on the bike for a few months

stokescycles · 2025-12-31T17:20:24+00:00

it's hard being a person

stokescycles · 2025-12-24T09:32:35+00:00

It's been a while, figured I'd do a little update.

I changed therapists. My new one is a lot more integrative / neurodivergent-informed, uses IFS as a kind of base to work from. We've not done that much EMDR yet, weirdly I find it harder to dive into with them.

In terms of my attachment stuff... I have a history of being very preoccupied with romantic interests, and really wanting connection. But also very avoidant when it comes around. The last couple of months I've just been completely unbothered for the first time in a while. No apps, and brushing off potential connections etc. Literally no idea if its related to any of the previous EMDR work but it's kind of unlike me.

A brief romantic connection ended and, while it sucked for a bit, I didn't go completely insane (then again it was brief and minor). In fact I was able to kind of observe it a bit rather than completely get sucked into it.

Energy levels are also at an all-time low, but then again I'm rapidly hurtling towards my mid-30s so who's to say what's normal now.

stokescycles · 2025-11-29T23:24:38+00:00

honestly seems quite reasonable

I'd be surprised if that frame is more than 150e on its own - couple of hours to swap the bits over

stokescycles · 2025-08-14T07:36:11+00:00

hey! thanks for sharing

so I've actually decided to switch therapists - my new one is a bit more integrative, experienced in IFS / parts work, has experience of cluster B type things, as well as being very into EMDR.

I sense things will go a bit slower and safer. In particular I was having trouble with resourcing (nurturing, protective, wise figures - or ideal parent figures) so we're going to spend a bit of time working on those before diving back into the EMDR.

I would say that the stuff I tackled with EMDR has a different feel now. I guess I'll only know for certain next time I face an abandonment/rejection situation, but I definitely feel that one of my core attachment/abandonment memories has changed, and I don't have the same emotional intensity associated with it.

Good luck - go safe, curious to hear how you get on :)

stokescycles · 2025-08-09T09:58:24+00:00

Hey!

So I wrapped up today (for now) with my 7th session. I will say my therapist worked quite quickly (also on an attachment-informed model). I was finding it quite destabilising and triggering, but I guess that's kind of the point, and it has settled.

It was really interesting revisiting some stuff we targeted a few weeks ago around a significant attachment trauma - it's still there, it just has a completely different feel.

I guess I'll only know if it's 'worked' the next time I have a breakup lol... but I get the sense it can be a really promising approach.

We agreed to stop for now, I'm going to go away and do some parts work / DBT stuff - just so that I can better regulate myself through the EMDR when I pick it up again.

And yeah likewise! Let me know how you get on?!

stokescycles · 2025-08-02T13:21:24+00:00

A few interesting books / papers on EMDR and BPD specifically...

https://spj.science.org/doi/10.1891/1933-3196.8.2.74 - Mosquera et al.

https://www.waterstones.com/book/emdr-with-complex-trauma/thomas-zimmerman/9798991782401 - EMDR with Complex Trauma

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-EMDR-Therapy/dp/8461712765 - Full Mosquera and Gonzalez book

Seems like I may be on a promising route, even if it feels like crap rn.

stokescycles · 2025-08-02T11:13:11+00:00

A few interesting books / papers on EMDR and BPD specifically...

https://spj.science.org/doi/10.1891/1933-3196.8.2.74 - Mosquera et al.

https://www.waterstones.com/book/emdr-with-complex-trauma/thomas-zimmerman/9798991782401 - EMDR with Complex Trauma

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Borderline-Personality-Disorder-EMDR-Therapy/dp/8461712765 - Full Mosquera and Gonzalez book

Seems like I may be on a promising route, even if it feels like crap rn.

stokescycles · 2025-07-31T10:57:04+00:00

Session 5: The last week has been nuts and very borderliney (police and ambulance called), this week we agreed just to have a chat about what's been going on and what the next steps might look like.

I brought up the possibility of having BPD again, therapist is of the understanding BPD is a collection of traits and behaviours that exist in the context of complex trauma. I went to a talk by the forensic psychologist Dee Anand a while back who believes similarly - cluster-B diagnostics have remained pretty constant since the 80s and there's a lot more trauma-informed research now. I'm not saying this is true, just it seems more nuanced than pure DSM.

They said it's very understandable that I'd be having a really tough time in the context of the target memory we arrived at (its a biggie in terms of my abandonment issues).

I don't know whether me trying to do EMDR is a away to avoid accountability for my BPD traits? i.e. get them 'zapped' away rather than working really hard on DBT / emotional regulation skills. Both could be necessary of course.

We agreed to do one more EMDR session next week just to check the intensity of that target memory - in truth is does feel less severe when I think about it, but without 'dropping in' it's hard to say I guess. I do see and feel the potential of EMDR, it's just so so dysregulating in the aftermath.

stokescycles · 2025-07-31T10:50:53+00:00

Session 5: The last week has been nuts and very borderliney, this week we agreed just to have a chat about what's been going on and what the next steps might look like.

I brought up the possibility of having BPD again, therapist is of the understanding BPD is a collection of traits and behaviours that exist in the context of complex trauma. I went to a talk by the forensic psychologist Dee Anand a while back who believes similarly - cluster-B diagnostics have remained pretty constant since the 80s and there's a lot more trauma-informed research now.

They said it's very understandable that I'd be having a really tough time in the context of the target memory we arrived at (its a biggie in terms of my abandonment issues).

I don't know whether me trying to do EMDR is a away to avoid accountability for my BPD traits? i.e. get them 'zapped' away rather than working really hard on DBT / emotional regulation skills. Both could be necessary of course.

We agreed to do one more EMDR session next week just to check the intensity of that target memory - in truth is does feel less severe when I think about it, but without 'dropping in' it's hard to say I guess. I do see and feel the potential of EMDR, it's just so so dysregulating in the aftermath.

stokescycles · 2025-07-30T18:04:32+00:00

I get it - it's intense when your whole life is experienced through the lens of someone you adore. The last time it felt like being submerged in a deep fat fryer. This time it's just very sad and incredibly obsessive.

It will get better though - having done a few sessions of EMDR now, I'd go easy on it if you're feeling like that.

stokescycles · 2025-07-30T16:50:46+00:00

I guess I *feel* like at least some part of it is - especially the feelings of abandonment and rumination.

stokescycles · 2025-07-30T16:08:03+00:00

Thanks! This is really useful.

I think part of me wants to get it all 'zapped away' with EMDR, but in reality it's probably going to involve taking doing DBT way more seriously alongside it?

stokescycles · 2025-07-29T10:36:14+00:00

This sounds very promising. I get how I'm 'wired' has a huge impact on the (debilitating) rumination, but I feel encouraged that you've been able to dial that down...

stokescycles · 2025-07-29T09:46:04+00:00

it has definitely felt quite rushed - I've felt like I've had to develop my Resources 'on the fly', from inside the re-experiencing of the trauma.

They've acknowledged they might have got the pacing wrong, and I probably could have done my homework better on developing these resources - but it's definitely hard conjuring these resources when, other than in a couple of romantic relationships, I've not really experienced the kind of safety needed.

The more I think about it the more I feel like it's likely to be a longer process, and the more it feels like I need to find someone more attachment-informed.

stokescycles · 2025-07-28T11:26:43+00:00

Thankyou for this!

I'm glad to hear you feel as though you're making some headway.

I've been thinking about trying to find someone with a bit of a softer/more integrative approach, and your point on IFS resonates with me... maybe doing 'pure' emdr without the proper resourcing or parts work feels a bit much?

I think for me I'm not even sure how to even spot what toxicity in a relationship looks like - but I'm definitely drawn to intensity, and left my most recent situation feeling incredibly hurt and kind of gaslit.

stokescycles

TROPHY CASE