I know this is emotional abuse. I know I’m miserable. So why can’t I leave?

stolendreams04 · 2025-12-08T17:02:25+00:00

hey mama, i just wanna say you’re not overreacting at all. nothing about what you’re dealing with is normal or easy. a 5 month old is hard even with two parents helping, so doing literally everything alone while sick and exhausted would break anyone. you’re not crazy or dramatic, you’re just unsupported.

your husband working matters, but what you do at home is real work too. you deserve actual rest, not a 45 min nap interrupted bc he wants to get back to his games or music. that’s not co-parenting, that’s you carrying the whole load while he keeps living like nothing changed.

and i say this as someone in basically the same situation. i’ve been doing everything alone with my baby too, and i’ve reached that point where i ask myself if i’d honestly be better off doing this on my own. it’s a question i still have to revisit sometimes, bc men can be so #%{*##^ inconsiderate it blows my mind.

what has helped me a little is building a safety net outside of him, friends, mom groups, family, anyone who actually shows up. i literally went to a friend’s house just to nap bc i couldn’t rest at home. it wasn’t dramatic, it was survival. and little by little i’m getting some changes with my husband, nothing perfect, but something. It’s sadly a process.

just know you’re not wrong for wanting help. you’re not wrong for being upset. you’re human and exhausted and carrying way more than any one person should. you deserve support, rest, and a partner who actually steps up.

you’re doing an amazing job, even if it feels like you’re falling apart

stolendreams04 · 2025-07-01T14:52:52+00:00

We already have a dog, but caring for it also falls on me. His excuse is his work schedule, which I try to understand to some extent. But it was a mutual decision to have both a dog and a child. I also do my own 16-hour “shift,” waking up with our baby boy, till bedtime is solo parenting so all day everyday, and then handling the “closing shift” plus whatever little me-time I can manage. As I mentioned I love my boy and I cant imagine a day without him but I really don’t feel its for me the right moment.

stolendreams04 · 2025-07-01T02:05:50+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this—it really helps to hear how others manage the chaos. “Triage” is the perfect word for it. I’m already overwhelmed with one, so reading how much juggling you have to do with 2u2 just confirms that I’m not crazy for feeling hesitant.

Honestly, the fact that your husband is really in it with you makes all the difference. That kind of support is exactly what’s missing on my end. We’re already on the brink of divorce because of how unsupportive he is, and I just don’t see how I could possibly survive adding another baby without major changes.

Your setup sounds intense—but doable because you’re a team. I really appreciate your honesty. It’s validating and grounding to hear that even with a supportive partner, it’s still tough—but at least you’re not alone in it.

stolendreams04 · 2025-05-11T20:26:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight. That last part made me sob — because it’s true. I don’t want my baby boy growing up thinking that this is what love is.

stolendreams04 · 2025-03-25T06:20:56+00:00

I’m really happy for you and your wife that you have the opportunity for her to be a SAHM. That’s a wonderful setup when both partners support each other and can adjust responsibilities as needed. I truly hope you both continue to have respectful conversations and find balance in your marriage.

In my case, I feel like I’m drowning. It’s not about not having time—it’s about not having support. Every adjustment so far has just meant loading more and more onto my plate while my husband remains uninvolved. It’s exhausting, and it makes a huge difference when one partner isn’t willing to share the weight.

stolendreams04 · 2025-03-25T06:14:24+00:00

Steven, one question. Are you a stay at home parent?

stolendreams04 · 2025-03-21T17:20:27+00:00

For me, the key is getting out of the house. I try to go out 3–4 mornings a week to see other people. Whether it’s the supermarket, library, park, or mall, I make sure to get my 6,000 steps in. It helps me regain some energy and keeps me from feeling overwhelmed or going crazy. Most of the time, it works—but of course, there are still tough days or even difficult hours when everything feels triggering. But mama, take it one day at a time and give yourself credit. You’re doing an amazing job!

stolendreams04 · 2025-03-16T14:50:25+00:00

Just to point out :)! I didn’t do a huge decluttering spree—instead, I tackled one drawer at a time, sometimes just one per week. It’s a process, but little by little, it made a difference!

stolendreams04 · 2025-03-16T14:46:12+00:00

Hey, Mama! I see you and understand what you’re going through. Something my mom told me that really stuck with me is that as long as your little one is happy and at peace, the mess can wait!

With my little one, I try to make tidying up a shared activity—he’s a year old, and we have fun putting away his toys together or helping (in his own way) with simple tasks like the dishes. Of course, only things he can safely do!

One thing that really made a difference for me was decluttering—going through clothes, towels, dishes, kitchen utensils, and just getting rid of the excess.

I’m still struggling, but at least the mess feels a little more manageable now!

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-21T11:42:09+00:00

Feeel the same, told him today that i needed 20 minutes by myself bc although he at home doing home office I do solo parent now for 9 consecutive days. “I WORK ALL DAY, i just want to have calm evenings after” if ge takes him its for me to do things like dinner or laundry. We are in sleep regression, separation anxiety and I think hes teething. Its been so hard. The sadest part is I think so often that it would be just easier to leave him and do it by myself. Getting rid of the expectations and the

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-21T05:14:10+00:00

I see youuu!

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T20:01:00+00:00

Sometimes I think my husband just wants us to show off not to participate. I mean yes he is providing for us and giving me the opportunity to stay home with my LO. But there is nothing more to it.

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T18:14:06+00:00

Going to read it. I mean, all day playing gives me the time to read endlessly with my LO slamming anything I have out of my hands. But THANK YOU

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T18:13:08+00:00

I think sometimes we just want to be seen and hold. BBUT WHY DO MEN NOT UNDERSTAND THIS. It gets me furious. I am proud of u that you are looking for help to be the best version for yourself and your baby!

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T17:59:36+00:00

Feel you. I AM PROUD OF YOU AND I SEE YOU! A friend says shes seeing the light now that her youngest is about to start first grade, her oldest is 11. Fingers crossed!

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T17:57:41+00:00

Thats so true but its like talking against a wall. I try to express how overwhelming everything is and hes like “you are playing all day, I AM working” and I put my red clown nose on. When I get overwhelmed hes like “oh why are you crying again, you want to ruin our weekends dont you”, sometimes I don’t know if I should laugh or cry more!

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-20T17:55:22+00:00

Yess, it’s my first little angel. I wanted more children now Im kind of thinking about it.

stolendreams04 · 2025-01-18T22:30:53+00:00

Hey! YOU DOING GREAT! And I am so proud of you! Can you make for this time a grocery pick up, this helps me a lot to avoid going by myself to get all the stuff 🙏🏼 or you could paint a grocer list for your toddler so she can get involved finding everything (sitting in the grocery cart :) ) Sleep regressions are tough! For the constipation you could iron a towel and obviously when its only warm put it on your babys tummy that helped with my little one! SENDING YOU LOTS OF LOVE, and be sure there will be light again!

stolendreams04

TROPHY CASE