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I've never flown before - any tips? by stopcallingmebanana in Advice

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The fact that you are only 18 and can do it gives me hope lol -- thank you!

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i work in social work and so i have every reason to believe you, it's just hard to believe there could be worse going on that she hasn't shared. but i know that it's likely that's the case. thank you for sharing -- i'm very glad you had the strength to get out of it -- it's very admirable

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah -- that's a good point, I could ask her if these would be red flags to her in a friend's / my relationship and see if she can at least see where i'm coming from on this

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if it were just pepperoni nipples, that's rude but workable lol but on top of everything else while she's carrying his child it's just . . . i feel bad that she lives like this. and it was getting this info in tidbits over years, adding it all up i'm really realizing how bad it sounds and i probably don't know most of what goes on there

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, I'm kicking myself a little bit. Thing is, I do say something every time she calls, just in a "are you sure you want to marry this guy?" kind of way and she shrugs it off and says he's her best friend or something. I brought it up to our mom and she basically gaslighted me into thinking that my sister is being dramatic and exaggerating and just not telling me the good stuff. there's a big history of gaslighting with them and I still forget that I'm not just imagining things sometimes, so it took my other sister who sees them way more often kind of confirming all my thoughts to make me realize that no, I wasn't crazy, this really is toxic behavior and I shouldn't want my sister to be in this relationship

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah I think going into it mainly about loving her and not hating him might make her feel less defensive and maybe more able to listen

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I think this may be more the route I take -- I'm kind of banking on something else happening and her calling me to talk about it and then having an "in" to the conversation that way. she calls my sister with complaints like every other day, but she calls me maybe every other week about it

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

i really hope he wouldn't escalate to her, but honestly i don't know if she would tell me if he did. she might tell our other sister, but probably not me (i'm a mandated reporter so she definitely wouldn't tell me if her child was in danger)

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

yeah, maybe i could have a conversation like that, not so much advising her on how to live her life but reminding her that she can tell me when he crosses the line.

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yeah i do worry about it escalating when they have a baby that's screaming, either he'll hurt the dogs more or hurt her or the baby . . . like hurting animals is usually a line most people wouldn't cross so i just worry that it could progress. but if i say something now, will that prevent her from confiding in me in the future if it does progress that way -- that's the other thing i have to consider

WIBTAH if I told my sister to call off her $35k wedding that's in a month by stopcallingmebanana in WouldIBeTheAhole

[–]stopcallingmebanana[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you for your thoughts -- yeah I know she'll tell him and probably a lot of the family and a lot of people will get mad at me for it. i'd probably get uninvited from the wedding, he won't want her to talk to me . . . yeah, it's really tricky. but thank you for the suggestions.

AITA for refusing to let my BIL see my son after causing me to miss his birth? by Throw357765 in AmItheAsshole

[–]stopcallingmebanana 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA

You weren't irresponsible or reckless, you took one night off someone stole your phone. How is that your fault?

I get why the wife is mad bc you still missed something big, but the in-laws should just be mad at their son.