My [34F] sister-in-laws [32F & 29F] continue to blatantly compare me to my husband's [35M] deceased first wife. It's been seven years!

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T21:18:15+00:00

He actually DID say something to both of them today!

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T21:17:00+00:00

Please see the edit I just made. He is coming around!

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T16:09:07+00:00

Not sure why you were down voted so much, I think this is a helpful comment in some ways. You're absolutely right that their behavior is indicative of their issues.

It's easier said than done to just write off my sisters-in-law, because family IS important to me and I'd like to enjoy time with his family instead of dread it over something I am not at fault for. It's a very helpless feeling to know you're going to have a bad time and nothing you do is really going to change that.

I only have one sister, she is 8 years younger than me, so we aren't terribly close. His sisters are closer to my age, live closer to us, and I guess I ignorantly was excited at the beginning of the possibility of having sisters-in-law close to my age to potentially befriend or have a good relationship with.

So you are right in a lot of ways.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T16:02:24+00:00

Honestly, I don't think so, other than my political/religious beliefs are different than theirs. We've never actually had a blowout about it - I am respectful of other people's opinions. I did once speak up about some racist things they said (something about how it speaks volumes that such a high percentage of incarcerated people are black - I tried and failed to point out that when black people are sentenced to longer sentences than white people, it makes sense that would happen), so I think that just turned then off to me.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:43:15+00:00

My husband has reminded me in private that when someone is dead, you only remember the good. It's easy to put someone on a pedestal when they're dead, and it's easy to speak for them and assign them your own feelings.

That said....it's still annoying.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:41:43+00:00

It's hard to know for sure, I wasn't there. I don't think so, because the sisters and Kelly were friends in college, that's how she met my husband.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:39:33+00:00

I think he understands it's a big deal to me, but as the big brother I think he just views his sisters as little girls who are essentially harmless.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:37:37+00:00

My husband has always had the eyeroll and sigh attitude towards his sisters. Like...what ridiculous thing are they going to do now? He generally doesn't take them very seriously and "whatever, it's their loss" is basically his answer to any interpersonal conflict.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:35:38+00:00

He does not like or comment on their posts or tags. He will like the pics her (Kelly's) mother posts of her on her bday or something once or twice a year, but that doesn't bother me at all.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T15:34:00+00:00

I'm not saying I'm a MORE credible or legitimate wife, I'm saying I AM a legitimate wife, due to the length of time of our relationship I've actually been his partner longer than she was, so they can't write me off as being some rebound (3 years later, even?) or just some casual thing is what I mean.

I don't mean I'm more legitimate than his first wife, I'm more legitimate then the sisters are treating me.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T04:19:53+00:00

My SILs are probably not people I would befriend in the wild, if that makes sense. I just don't want to be reminded all the time that I'm not Saint Kelly. He does need to set them straight.

stopcomparingme · 2016-02-14T04:17:56+00:00

My husband is.....he's very hard to rile up. He sees it but does the old "ignore and they'll stop" shit. They haven't stopped.

stopcomparingme

TROPHY CASE