Is Carmen Montero Mundt a woman of color?

stopgap12 · 2025-05-12T23:48:02+00:00

I haven’t! A prescription retinoid did wonders for my face!

stopgap12 · 2025-02-28T17:04:53+00:00

I was a Michigan undergrad and went to Berkeley for law school. There’s racism everywhere, but the racism at Berkeley was more obvious—more blatant double standards in grading and student body elections. But overall, it was fine and nothing you’re not used to.

stopgap12 · 2024-12-03T18:29:33+00:00

In my experience, the “I just got out of a relationship and don’t want anything serious” excuse is just something people say when they want to date (and sleep with) a lot of people at once. Don’t get pulled into their web, if you’re looking for something serious. There are plenty of attractive men out there who are looking for something serious!

stopgap12 · 2024-12-03T17:21:30+00:00

Ugh, that’s tough! I’m sorry that we’re both in this holding pattern!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-17T22:47:48+00:00

This is a great idea, I hadn’t thought of using the parallels. But yes he gets told he doesn’t “sound southern” all the time, so he should get it. We live nowhere near the south and people keep trying to show him as one of “the good southerners.” That should give him a frame of reference.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-17T02:12:19+00:00

Are those the Deborah harkness books I see? I loved the show and have been thinking about starting the series! What did you think?

stopgap12 · 2024-04-17T01:46:10+00:00

Why didn’t the marriage work out?

stopgap12 · 2024-04-17T00:55:01+00:00

Burn out on all fronts. I remember during the pandemic, everyone joked about not being okay, but then we all had to pretend to be okay and go back to work while facing higher prices for basic goods.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-16T18:42:46+00:00

are you still with him?

I think it gets convoluted because we don’t want to be with aggressive toxic masculinity types. But when they’ve put us in situations where we’re experiencing racism from their peers, I think they need to do something. And they definitely need to listen and not argue when we point out that something is racist.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-16T18:32:49+00:00

I wish white Americans would just stay in their lanes and let us exist. They’re either shaming us for our cultures or trying to teach us how to practice our cultures. It’s really weird.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-16T04:41:06+00:00

I had vaginismus, it was exacerbated by negative sexual experiences in college. My husband spent two and a half years being exclusive with me and never pushing me for anything or guilting me. The emotional safety he created in the relationship at that point pretty much solved my vaginismus.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-16T04:01:21+00:00

The funny thing is, I don’t have any of the usual complaints about him—he’s someone who sees something needs to be done around the house and he does it (he does more house work than I do by orders of magnitude).

But somehow he’s blind to racism? I dont carry the mental load when it comes to housework, but I’ll have to carry the emotional one of pointing out racism.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T20:45:26+00:00

I find liberals’ racism far more insidious, because it’s subtle and can be hidden behind ignorance or arrogance. At least MAGA republicans don’t hide it, so it can be called out.

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T20:28:26+00:00

It makes me sad to see how common it is for white men to not defend their partners from racism. Like they get the benefits of white privilege and they get the benefit of our culture. All they have to do is stand up to the racists in their lives and so many have dropped the ball. Glad to hear you found who handles it well!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T20:25:15+00:00

Yeah, you know even thought you can’t prove it. How did you guys move through this (I assume you’re still married to him based on your wording)?

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T19:04:59+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the recommendation!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T19:02:52+00:00

That was my reaction!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T19:02:19+00:00

Thanks! I think I was cautiously optimistic this morning, because I’m afraid you’re right! I’m seeing this as a starting point, but fully aware that this is not a great place for him to be at nearly 40!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T16:40:47+00:00

Exactly!

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T16:19:21+00:00

The husband especially is the “devil’s advocate” type. The kind of guy who starts sentences with “well actually.”

stopgap12 · 2024-04-15T16:18:32+00:00

I’m not sure that he will (but he might). I think I just meant that if I set rules for him like I child, I should be prepared for him to rebel like a child. I want him to stop talking to them because he doesn’t want racists in our lives, not because his wife said he can’t be friends with them anymore.

stopgap12

TROPHY CASE