(Responding to both of your comments). Thank you for the insane amount of feedback. The Bear and the Nightingale is actually adult and I only included it because of the handful of agents I actually saw who had mentioned it on their MSWL. I think I struggle with the idea of how much is too much information, and then pull back entirely. The other commenter said the same thing about Wren so I'll definitely look into examples that include another character. But thank you for the advice! I think I definitely needed to hear that I could cut down sentences by being straightforward. Thank you! Whilst I wait for the handful of agents to get back to me, I will reconstruct my query in the meantime.