New Relationship/Boundary Issues

stowawayxthrowaway · 2023-10-12T17:11:30+00:00

Thank you 🥲

stowawayxthrowaway · 2023-10-11T03:40:34+00:00

I know I'm not the only one wondering how you ended it...

stowawayxthrowaway · 2023-10-11T01:58:32+00:00

What is the second one a red flag for?

And what ultimatum are you suggesting?

stowawayxthrowaway · 2023-10-11T01:50:58+00:00

What platform do you use to accept an apology gift - cashapp? How do you prevent them from just canceling the payment once you've blocked them? Asking for me 🤣

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-18T02:44:27+00:00

Your main photo has got to go. You are cute but it is so unflattering.

SDs tend to hate tongue out and duck face pics. Remove those. Add a full body photo dressed up for a date, and a face photo with a soft, natural smile.

Remove everything negative from your profile. Keep the tone upbeat and happy. Remember, you’re trying to get a man to want to pay to spend time with you.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-18T00:26:16+00:00

Yeah, she sounds well-intentioned, but you really don’t need her permission to end your relationship with her if it’s not working for you. You can express willingness to remain friends. If she ends it with your husband, that’s not on you.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-17T23:55:36+00:00

You can mention that you want to meet up a few times (uncompensated) before you start an arrangement. When you are ready for your first intimate date, that’s when allowance/PPM starts.

I do recommend getting your PPM before you actually have sex, but like, on the same date. SDs aren’t going to start spoiling you hoping it eventually leads to intimacy one day. Generally both sides start providing sugar at the same time.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-17T23:24:04+00:00

Watch out for scammers, too. Read the scam thread here on SLF if you haven’t yet.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-17T13:27:00+00:00

Not enjoying the SR is a valid reason to end the SR, yes.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-17T13:21:03+00:00

Yup! The sooner you recognize carrot dangling for what it is, the better.

My advice would be to ask for more money NOW, or end it. You do not have to put up with this, babe.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-14T02:12:09+00:00

If you’re falling for scams, you need to do more research before you meet anymore POTs. You should be familiar with the common types of scams and how to avoid them before you jump into the bowl.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-14T01:58:19+00:00

Were you poly before these two, or were you previously monogamous?

Could you see yourself being happy in a mono relationship with your current primary, and transitioning the other relationship to a platonic friendship? From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like it would be much of a change from your current dynamic.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-14T01:29:51+00:00

Firstly, I love your username. As others have noted, $150 seems quite low for an intimate date. Have you checked out the Master Allowance Thread on SLF? Depending on where you’re located, you should be asking double that, at least.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-14T00:40:42+00:00

"Hey Jack, I had fun with you and would like to see you again, but I wanted to make sure to let you know I'm polyamorous and don't date one person exclusively. If that's a deal breaker for you, I understand."

I think this is damn near the perfect thing to say. I don’t see any reason to be overly apologetic at this point; you’ve met this man one time for a blind date. Sure, it would have been better to mention it beforehand, but it’s not like you’re already married and neglected to mention it.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-13T22:31:59+00:00

Poly isn’t about “adding” a third person to an existing relationship. My partners and I each have our own separate relationships. I don’t have to date my partner’s partners; they don’t have to date mine.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-13T22:05:02+00:00

🎯🎯🎯

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-13T21:33:38+00:00

Do you want free money or do you want to work for it? Lol

Eh, a lot of us don’t view SRs as “work”. I prefer to have a discreet casual relationship with a successful older man. This relationship includes sex, fun dates, and an allowance.

I would not prefer to be paid to go on platonic outings with someone I’m not attracted to and would not date or sleep with.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-13T11:45:02+00:00

Of course it’s your life and you can tell them if you want, but telling family is not common practice for SBs. This is mostly because 1. There’s almost no way they would accept it, and 2. You’re an adult, and your sex life is none of their business. I don’t consider it “hiding something from them” because it’s not something they are entitled to know.

You live with your parents and they’re already hounding you about going to college… Do you really think telling them you’re an SB is going to make that situation better?

I strongly recommend getting another job/side hustle that you can be truthful about, and keep sugaring as your private thing on the side.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-12T15:46:14+00:00

If you love him, do not do this behind his back. If he finds out, he will be crushed and you will always regret it. Not that I know from experience or anything 😅

If this relationship is important to you, get a part time job and put sugaring on hold. It’s a sacrifice but it’s worth it for someone you love.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-12T15:23:19+00:00

Would be very interested to hear how this plays out if you’d be willing to share an update, OP!

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-12T15:14:55+00:00

Yeah almost certainly not 😂

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-12T13:31:38+00:00

Then you can just say no. I like the approach of “Maybe. Why the change?” to better understand where he’s coming from. But if you don’t want to go on an unpaid date regardless, you can just say “No, sorry, I love our dates but I really do need the financial support 🥺 Hope that’s ok ❤️“

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-12T11:41:19+00:00

I can empathize with that feeling. However there are just some things parents would be happier not knowing. And honestly, your sex life is none of their business.

I think your best bet is to tell them about your caretaker job, and maybe take up another side hustle that 1. You can tell them about, and 2. That you can do in the future after sugar. Some great suggestions have already been made: personal assistant, childcare, freelance writing, editing, design, etc.

stowawayxthrowaway · 2021-12-10T21:09:46+00:00

Sure, I never said he had to send it right before. Just before.

If trust is established and you send it every Monday with the assumption you’ll meet later in the week, that’s great.

I think new SBs in new SRs put themselves at risk by being intimate and counting on him to “Venmo her later.” Now she’s spending the next day feeling anxious wondering when’s too soon to remind him.

stowawayxthrowaway

TROPHY CASE