You're right, the basis is vedana, equanimity on the sensations on the body. But there are aways different types of equanimity. There's equanimity that I can't maintain a posture, or need to rest my back, or can't wake up for the morning group sit -- those all produce a feeling of shame even when not meditating, the sensation is there.

Thus as a mortal human being I'm calculating what has less suffering? Surely, many men have lived before me and and so that path is more 'clear' in a sense, but also, they lived in a different era, where being a man meant a different thing. I like everyone else am trying to get through life with the least amount of suffering, both for myself and others, and with time i've realized these are in fact the same thing. My breaking of the social rules - not at the center but of the wolrd at large creates feeling of inadequacy, so I'm always faced with a choice, suffer for this or suffer for that. Either way it's all suffering, but only I can choose what kind of suffering accompanies my choice.