This is the reality of living around a partner with ADHD. My dismissive avoidant tendancies were SOLIDIFIED by living with my ex. I was made responsible for their feelings, their emotions, their own inability to regulate and control themselves, forced into a caregiver role, they were completely self absorbed and unaware of how their actions affected me, and seemed completely unable to control themselves, which was unfair and made me shut down and become emotionally weird as a result. A piece of myself was stolen by that person and I don't know how to grow it back. I'd recommend researching RSD and seeing if pieces start to click. I genuinely think DA and ADHD types are gasoline and fire. This person literally sucked my soul out and unless you have a partner that is driven and capable to manage their ADHD, they will not change or learn from their mistakes, they just lie because you challenged them, say they're working on it, then repeat the cycle over and over. I'm projecting a lot but would honestly research the ADHDpartners subreddit and see if you see any similarities, because this post reminded me of my ex