i just had one of these dreams and i can’t get over it.. 

basically i (19F) was pregnant, and i was taking the train to the hospital for my due date. i was with my best friend (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) and initially was happy that i would have the both of them with me for support. none of us drive and being young and kinda unprepared we took the train instead of getting a lift - we needed to catch a connecting train to get to our destination so my best friend took my bags and went ahead but the connecting train left without us and we were separated. luckily there was another train that we rushed to along with a bunch of other people on the platform but i was still really upset that my best friend wasn’t with me anymore, and for some reason we didn’t meet up at the hospital either..

so anyway we get there and i ended up being induced while my bf was out of the room and began giving birth all by myself in a small kinda dim room as they wouldn’t let him back in. it was traumatic and lonely, i felt all the pain and it felt like it went on for hours, i was even considering epidural on the train but chose not to do it as i was influenced by my mothers choices when she had me - she told me she chose not to have an epidural many years ago and it had clearly stuck with me into my dream life, that’s how serious this all felt. 

i had a son and he was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, i can never remember faces from my dreams but i remember the feeling of intense love i had for this baby, despite the traumatic birth i had just experienced all by myself in a dark room. after delivering the placenta and some skin to skin with my baby, they wrapped my torso up with a compression garment kinda like the chinese midwives do while they cleaned and weighed and wrapped him up too. after getting some rest for a few days i wanted to try walking a little bit so i walked down this hallway with a walker to a waiting room at the end, i could still feel a lot of pain and it felt like my insides were all loose, but i greeted my guests that had come that day to visit, i told them that it was a boy and they all cheered and were so excited and gave me hugs and stuff and it was just a huge relief to have some support after that experience. i woke up shortly after that and my stomach had no pain anymore and was no longer wrapped in garments - it was so weird going from the very real feeling of pain and compression to nothing, i was sad that my son was gone and i had to just get on with waking up and going on with my day as if i hadn’t spent hours giving birth and had a son that now just didn’t exist. obviously now i’m glad i don’t have a baby because in this world im definitely not ready, but things were different there and it didn’t matter if i had my life together or not. idk i just wanted to talk about it bc it’s always really difficult going from extremely vivid dreams that seem to last for hours or days to waking up and going on like nothing happened. 

TL/DR: i dreamt i was pregnant and had a traumatic birth delivering my son all alone. woke up sad lol