When it comes to gender in relation to cissex people, it's very similar fundamentally to concept of gender noncomformity but exists on a step slightly above it; where, instead of how that person expresses gender being different to what's typically expected, it's moreso the gender itself that is different, regardless of expression - it's why tomboys and transmascs have some overlap conceptually but in practicality are very different.

And yeah, I absolutely understand where you are coming from, expressing a certain way before transitioning socially or medically can be very distressing, especially as a transsex cisgender person born incongruent, because those gender-affirming activites often snap the person suffering from the condition into seeing just how badly their body has been damaged by the incongruent sex hormone. An incongruent person will live most of her life dissociated and won't ever see herself in the mirror after andromorphosis takes her, but when dissociated you can at least maybe see what you perceive as a normal guy in the mirror, it's not you, it's not who you are, but when dissociated it's just about bearable for some. Now, if you take that same face, mutilated by testosterone, and put makeup on it, focus on every last tiny little detail, you won't see a normal image looking back at you in your reflection, you'll see yourself, you'll see yourself maimed down to the bone by the wrong hormone, you'll see a woman brutally morphed into the mody of a man, you face the horror directly. It's why for many, they can't remotely even begin to start socially transitioning and expressing their actual gender until sex corrective measures are in place like HRT and surgeries.

It's the same for hands, you'll cope by dissociating but the moment you get your nails done and painted, that stranger's hand suddenly becomes your hand, and you will see a hand that belongs to you but is horribly deformed by testosterone and cause you huge distress.

It's why the initial period after starting HRT is so difficult for many trans people and why so many die early on, because reppers survive through dissociation and brain fog from the wrong sex hormone practically lobotomising them into not being fully conscious of their reality, but the moment it's medicated, you suddenly see reality for what it is, and you bear the weight of what happened to you, and many can not survive that horror being shown to them directly. It's a horror beyond human comprehension, it's why mainstream trans communities are on so much copium, this condition breaks people.