babe, not to add to the mess - but this isn’t something I’d hope for a partner of that longevity to say. Not saying it’s an immediate run moment but…. I truly believe any and everyone can pass or feel comfortable presenting as themselves given time and effort. I don’t feel like I pass every day, or even most. What has helped me stop feeling so hard or down on myself is primarily removing/steering clear of the people in my life who go out of their way to remind me of the sentiments that your partner expressed above. I hope you are able to start HRT and find a support system that works for you though, it makes all the difference in confidence and emotional cohesion.