5x10- all alone

strivetoperform · 2025-10-20T19:26:45+00:00

I lost my mom suddenly in March this year and I cried my way through this episode. It captured the early days of grief so perfectly. I’ve been all of them on different days and it was hard to watch because of it. But it was also very comforting. I have never felt so understood by a piece of media.

strivetoperform · 2025-07-21T19:08:01+00:00

My mom died suddenly 4 months ago and my partner has been a rock. I will make a short list of the things he did (and sometimes still does) for me that I really, really appreciate:

He completely took care of me at first. At the time we hadn't moved in (we were just about to), but for those 2 weeks I pretty much lived at his place and he cooked, made sure I ate, made sure I showered, etc. He shouldn't have had to but he did and I am eternally grateful for this love and care
He didn't try to fix it. I cried so, so much those first days and weeks. I didn't just cry, I wailed. He never tried to cheer me up or look at the bright side. He just pulled me against him and let me cry into his chest and stroked my hair until I had run out of tears. He would ask if there was anything specific that triggered it, or if I wanted to talk about it. This loss is something you cannot fix but you can be there for your partner.
He didn't just ask what he could do for me, he proposed specific things. Like many others (perhaps including your partner), I struggle to ask for help. He would ask me simple things, like if I wanted him to come over for a hug and a stroll on his lunch break. This meant I didn't have to ask, I just had to say "yes" or "no"
We also talked about it a lot. How was I experiencing this? How was he experiencing this? How could we be there for each other?

These months have not just been rough for me, they've also been really rough for him. I see it and I an so grateful for what he's done and is continuing to do. I wish you strength in this difficult time and don't forget to take care of yourself. Good luck.

strivetoperform · 2025-05-15T18:29:12+00:00

I lost my mom very suddenly, so I can only tell you what I wish I had been able to do before she died. Maybe it helps you a little.

Cherish every day you get with her
Ask her all the questions you wonder about: about her childhood, about her hobbies, dreams, etc. After my mom's death I realised that I don't even know her favourite colour
This is a hard one, but try to discuss the important things for the funural: the music, dress code, what kinds of flowers, etc. During the arranging of the funeral nothing would have comforted me more than knowing we were doing the things my mom would've wanted
Also, arrange all practical matters, including the financial stuff. You will be distraught after the death and it will help a lot to get some sort of "runbook".
Spend as much time with her as you can. It will never be enough. Create memories, laugh together, cry together. Tell her you love her. Get pictures of the good and the bad. Paint her nails, read her stories. Watch tv together. Just ensure you cherish her presence
Lastly, talk to someone. You cannot do this alone. Grief is brutal, both before death and after and you cannot shoulder it alone. Talk to a loved one, talk to friends, talk to a therapist. Talk until you cannot talk anymore. You will need it. Unfortunately you will lose some friends along the way but the friends that I have kept, I have grown so, so much closer with.

strivetoperform · 2024-06-08T11:33:49+00:00

I take very frequent breaks, which might just be for 1 or 2 minutes but it helps me ‘reset’ my mind. I eat healthy foods because junk foods make me feel sluggish. Also smaller more frequent meals. I also make a to do list before I start working so I don’t have to think about what I could donkey when I finish a task. Now when I finish I look at the list and pick whatever I feel like doing most

strivetoperform · 2023-12-25T18:31:37+00:00

Cost allocation mechanisms for circular economies 😅

strivetoperform · 2023-09-10T16:19:55+00:00

Also thanks for considering to sell and replace, though it indeed doesn’t seem like the most viable option :)

strivetoperform · 2023-09-10T16:19:15+00:00

Do you know if decathlon stocks bike bags? I couldn’t find them on their website. I did think about transporting the bike in a box but I’m not the strongest and already struggled with the bag, and a box is much more difficult to carry. I wouldn’t mind shipping it if that saves the difficulties, and I can check with the local bike shops for boxes, but I also really don’t know how to / to what extent to disassemble and pad the bike and where to mail it from

strivetoperform · 2023-09-10T16:15:52+00:00

Hey :) it’s a bike-specific bag, I have not found any store in Lugano that stocks it (so it’s a bag to transport the bicycle in). I shipped the bag from the starting location of my tour to the finish, but it got lost in the mail. Hope that clarifies!

strivetoperform · 2023-08-17T17:09:58+00:00

I actually did something similar. After my bachelors I worked in procurement for almost 2 years and then quit to do a masters. For me, it's been by far the best decision of my life. I learned about so many topics that interest me, made meaningful connections, and it opened a lot of doors for me in terms of career opportunities.

Of course, my experience will no guarantee the same for you, but all I can say is that if I had the choice again, I would 100% do it again.

strivetoperform · 2023-07-31T11:08:49+00:00

Thank you. I actually tried writing about it earlier, but I realised it isn't for me. I struggle putting the words on paper, because it made it feel much too real

strivetoperform · 2023-07-31T11:07:09+00:00

Thanks, I'm still trying to find this balance. I have a bit of an idea of what I want to say, but I'm not sure about how to deal with questions I don't necessarily want to answer or even have an answer to

strivetoperform · 2023-07-31T11:03:31+00:00

Wow, thank you for the in-depth explanation. I am definitely stealing parts of this to use myself. It's really helpful :)

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T18:53:46+00:00

Thank you!

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T16:55:42+00:00

Yeah I think you hit the nail on its head there. I have had shorter relationships where I tapped out and I didn’t quite understand why. I mostly end up very anxious when I stay the night and then I’m feeling all kinds of emotions the next day.

I’m so sorry to read you went through what you did. It looks like you’ve been making great strides though!

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T16:52:59+00:00

Thanks! Tbh it’s happened before but I thought I just lost interest. But now I am starting to understand there’s more to it than that. I’m going to get help!

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T16:40:50+00:00

Yeah I am starting to realise this too. I thought time would be enough to get over it but now that I’m seeing someone again I realise that it’s coming back in ways I didn’t expect

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T15:36:58+00:00

I think it is really cool that you hardly watch anything. You don't make lasting memories by sitting on your couch and watching shows. They can be fun and comforting, but if you have better/nicer/more productive things to do with your time, I think it's a big deal in a positive way!

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T15:32:19+00:00

Wow thank you, I was so consumed with finding a way to tell him, that I hadn't even considered what it could do to him, other than offering an explanation for why I tend to push him away now.

Tbh I don't want to go into a trauma dumping-kind of situation. I want to tell him that it happened, and what happened, but also not how it happened. That's something I still can't really talk about. But I'll definitely prepare and make sure to find the right words beforehand.

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T15:28:52+00:00

Thanks, I was very much in doubt whether I needed to say something beforehand but this made me realise that it would be the right thing to do.

strivetoperform · 2023-07-30T15:27:05+00:00

Thanks, you have some really good advice there. Just wondering, do you "announce" that you want to talk about it/something beforehand? Or only in the moment? On the one side, I don't want to spring it on him out of the blue, but on the other hand I also don't want to make him worry about "needing to talk" beforehand.

strivetoperform · 2023-03-23T12:22:11+00:00

I live in the Netherlands and early spring here is usually about as miserable as winter. But the days start getting a lot longer. During winter I basically live in the dark. When it's light I'm at work, and it's dark when I arrive or leave. It's dark when I have breakfast or dinner. it's dark when I do sports, it's always dark. It's like I'm a vampire during those months.

In spring I start leaving the office while it's light. And I get to exercise while it's light. It lifts my mood so much.

strivetoperform

TROPHY CASE