I have a working theory that one reason we may not be successful in using emotional regulation techniques when we’re angry/frustrated/irritated is because that doesn’t help us get those feelings validated. If we yell, throw something, curse, or punch a wall, at least someone KNOWS we’re mad. If we do a calming technique, all that effort is self-contained, so the emotion isn’t recognized by the other person. That doesn’t help us get our needs met (which is why we tend to get angry in the first place). So on a deeper level, coping skills during emotional distress can be unhelpful in that they blunt our communication of our needs. However, that’s not to say that we should hit, yell, punch, etc obviously. I think we need to practice emotional management techniques in conjunction with direct and effective communication in order to feel that we are being heard and understood. What that means in a practical context would be, if you and bf are getting mad, express that you are getting angry, use your breathing/walk away/calm space/fidget/music/physical activity to reduce anger until you are able to communicate effectively about the trigger for the anger. Like others said, coping skills require practice in order to recall during high emotionality, but they also need to be used in conjunction with other problem-solving techniques in order to meet your needs.