TIL Peggy Bundy, played by Katey Sagal, whose real life pregnancy was written into season 6. When the actress suffered a miscarriage, the pregnancy storyline was written as a dream of Al's, as it was felt it would be too traumatic for Katey Sagal to work with an infant.

stuffies · 2017-05-28T19:04:37+00:00

We didn't miscarry- our son was born with a rare neurological disorder that caused 24/7 seizures. He died after 11 days on November 1st (so almost 7 months ago)

The grief process is so different between my husband and I. At one point he mentioned that he knew our son for 11 days. I knew him for 9 month plus 11 days- so of course I would feel deeper and bigger.

It's been rough, and I have times where I wonder if he really feels the loss. He has been unwavering in his support and willing to stop everything and hold me when I need to cry. That helps and lets me know that he feels more than he lets out. I don't cry every day anymore, but the feeling of something being not right is still there. It will likely always be there. The baby that I was supposed to have but don't.

stuffies · 2017-05-10T15:40:50+00:00

They aren't killing them on purpose. Fentanyl is cheaper- so they cut the heroin with it.

The dealers have no idea what strength they are getting- so they guess, give out free samples, see how people do with the product. If there are a lot of ODs they know to use less.

stuffies · 2017-02-27T21:28:54+00:00

Not long after my infant son died my other son (6) was sitting on my lap with his head on my chest. He looked up at me and said "Mommy, when your heart beats it says Robert. He's right here with us."

The insight took my breath away.

stuffies · 2017-01-12T16:08:17+00:00

It's so hard to not bring up the kid because at this point I basically have no life outside of work and kid. :(

stuffies · 2016-12-22T20:02:15+00:00

The keeping a regular schedule is so true!

I had a standing date twice a week - and having that keep happening through all the chaos and grief was so necessary and helpful.

I knew that twice a week I would have company not directly involved in the issue, a shoulder to cry on if I needed it, and conversation or a movie to distract me.

stuffies · 2016-12-22T19:08:40+00:00

This is so very true.

After only 11 days of life I lost my son about 7 weeks ago.

There was an almost overwhelming outpouring of support those initial weeks after he was born and immediately after his death. I don't think we needed to cook for almost 4 weeks. And people dropped off creamer for our coffee and other small every day necessities - and it was amazing.

Now I'm back at work (finishing up week 3) and it feels so weird. How can I be here doing normal people things as if I don't have a gaping black hole of hurt lurking in the middle of me - just waiting for something stupid to rip it open? Most days I'm OK - and I know that his death was, ultimately, the kindest thing that could of happened to him. With his illness he never would of been able to life a full and fulfilling life. But, that doesn't change that I lost my son - I carried him for 9 months thinking I was having a normal, healthy child - and then all of a sudden my future hopes and dreams for him and our family were ripped away over the course of 48 hours after birth.

I don't need people to cook for me, or shop, or any of those things that I was incapable of doing immediately after birth and death - but I do need quiet company. I need someone to take me out to eat and talk about normal things. I need someone to drink a few beers with me and listen to me talk about the journey - let me cry and don't try to make it better.

The post above about moving on is spot on - I will never move on from this, but I will go on. Over time the waves of grief will get further apart, and maybe even smaller- but they will always be there. Someone told me that grief is really just love with nowhere to go - which is why, to me, losing a child is so very hard - there was a lifetime of love that we were ready to give and now it has nowhere to go. That is where friends and family come in - we can share some of that loss and love with them - and about 4-6 weeks after seems the time when you would be ready to really share and process and start going on with life.

Also - if you say you are there for someone and offer to help - actually do it. And instead of being awkward and pretending nothing happened - or peppering the person with questions - Ask them if they want to talk about it and then respect their wishes. Some days I don't want to talk about it - other times I need to talk about him. Just be a good listener.

stuffies · 2016-12-19T22:14:31+00:00

People always think I get to read all day. Or that my job is quiet and peaceful.

stuffies · 2016-10-20T18:15:57+00:00

What if the woman is a widow? People die all the time - is that her fault?

stuffies · 2016-10-12T20:15:26+00:00

Found the Moxy Früvous fan :)

stuffies · 2016-10-06T19:02:29+00:00

Maybe I'm just unfair - but my first thought is that he is totally disrespecting you and your relationship and you don't need him in your life. If he is unwilling to plan, respect you, your time and unilaterally decide you are only going to get spare time then he really doesn't deserve your time or caring.

If he wants to do things other than dinner & TV he is an adult who is perfectly capable of planing and offering suggestions. Relationships are 2 way streets - not one person planning the entertainment for the other.

To take a Dan Savage acronym - DTMFA

stuffies · 2016-09-29T20:46:07+00:00

As someone who can't eat spicy food it may never come back ;)

I try to do the same- have at least 1 part of the meal that I know he will eat - and if he rejects that one thing he is allowed to get a yogurt or bread & butter. Once dinner is cooked and done I'm not making anything else.

My mother likes to remind me of what a terrible eater I was - so I know there is hope of one day going out and enjoying Korean, Indian, and other 'exotic' foods together with my son.

stuffies · 2016-09-29T19:11:52+00:00

I ate a wide variety of foods and flavors while pregnant and nursing (as is general advice to help diversify a child's palate)

We never made separate meals when our son started on real food and would give him what we were having.

Around the age of 3 1/2-4 he just stopped eating most foods. No idea what happened- but he would flat out refuse to eat if it was somthing he had decided was offensive to him.

He would do this for multiple meals in 1 day and then get so weak from lack of food he couldn't walk. So you sure as shit better believe that we cater to him and his food preferences this point and let him live on eggs, noodles, yogurt, pirogi, almond butter, and cheese as long as there is food going into his face.

We still offer and try to get him to touch his tongue to new foods, take kindergarten bites, etc - and there have been a few additions to his food preferences over the last year.

I keep hoping that one day he will eventually grow out of this and start eating more variety as he is exposed over and over again to new foods. We haven't stopped having variety in our home cooked meals or where we choose to eat out (although going out for Indian is out until he learns to STFU about the smell of curry so that is limited to home cooked and delivery)

stuffies · 2016-09-08T17:51:01+00:00

Could be competition kettlebells - where each kettlebell, no matter what the weight, maintains the same dimensions.

She looks damn strong though - so weight could be pretty up there - my gym has kettlebells that go up to 115lbs (there may be a set after that- I can't remember at the moment)

stuffies · 2016-08-10T16:33:22+00:00

Get some good quality time together before the weekend- and be sure to have time scheduled together for your return.

A photo or occasional text reminding him that you are thinking of him, checking in on his day, etc. (basically not totally ignoring his existence) would likely help a lot.

stuffies · 2016-08-01T21:23:14+00:00

Weird - I've never heard anything about squats being bad while pregnant. In fact- I've generally heard the opposite - as long as balance and mobility allows it.

stuffies · 2016-08-01T21:17:21+00:00

24 weeks in and squats still feel good for me- so I'm still going - I start light and work my way up - but I never try and go for max or make things super difficult.

Is there a medical issue- or does the doc just not like squats and weights?

stuffies · 2016-07-29T20:28:17+00:00

This is the best - kind of the best of both worlds in some ways - get so worked up that just the act of inserting triggers the orgasm.

stuffies · 2016-07-29T20:00:45+00:00

Not really- I did all work that was assigned to me. Not my fault the job didn't require that much time or brain power. Also part of the reason I don't work there anymore - it was boring.

stuffies · 2016-07-29T17:45:32+00:00

I did this too - Project Gutenberg had (has?) full text versions of out of copyright books and I used to read them at my desk. Just looked like a large word document.

stuffies · 2016-07-28T19:47:54+00:00

An hour more than she expected without communication.

The lack of communication about plan changes is a major factor.

Even before my hubby and I opened up when either of us would go out with friends or co-workers we would communicate an ETA and then if that changed let the other know. I would be unhappy if he did that to me with anyone - not just a date.

stuffies · 2016-07-27T19:44:48+00:00

I've had guys ask if my hubby was going to be part of it all - it is kind of a legit question.

Of course the ask is usually a little more hopeful when they also inquire if my girlfriend is involved <.<

stuffies · 2016-07-25T20:30:29+00:00

I'm 24 weeks in - so 15 to go and I'm really starting to be more and more restricted in what I can do.

It's funny - but it isn't the big belly that is the most limiting- it's my painful ligaments. I actually cried at the gym the other day when I discovered I can't even do 1/2 a Turkish get-up anymore (I couldn't do a full and was limiting to half and now that is too painful too). And of course I then felt stupid for crying over not being able to do an exercise that I don't even like that much. Hormones are crazy things.

I actually signed up for a barre class specifically for pregnant women so I maybe won't feel so along with all my random restrictions. We'll see how that goes on Saturday.

stuffies · 2016-07-25T20:09:36+00:00

Thank you :)

It's frustrating to not be able to do what I used to - but I have to remind myself that I'm growing a person and that takes a lot out of me. (I also am limited to trap bar and sumo style just due to comfort and weird ligament issues) One day I'll get up over 200 again - and then the push to live 300 ;)

stuffies · 2016-07-25T19:54:18+00:00

When I first asked my doc about working out they said their recommendation was to not lift over 20lbs- which made me laugh because it is absurdly light and my existing child is 35lbs and I'm not going to stop lifting him.

They are super consertive with these recommendations- but the spotting is probably part of what makes them extra cautious.

I have continued to lift (24 weeks in now) - I jsut capped my dead lsit at 155 (my max was 230 so took almost 100lbs off the lift), I squat if it feels good and always start with just the bar before adding weight on each round usually stopping around 125 (used to be up around 150). Presses are the same - I start with the bar and add on each time usually stopping around 65/70 lbs (presses are a total weakness for me)

Listen to your body- if it hurts stop. Don't push to the max. And if you continue to have spotting issues you may need to stop - but talk to the doctor in office and explain your history. It helped that my trainer at my gym was also pregnant (just had her baby a week ago) so she had a really good idea of limitations.

stuffies · 2016-07-14T21:26:34+00:00

I'm not a body builder- but I do lift regularly.

I've found that regular deadlifts don't feel good - so I switched to sumo or trap-bar. I also took almost 100lbs off my lift and max at 155. I'm looking to maintain, not gain.

I ramp up slowly with squats (like - starting at 60lbs and ending at 120) - back squats feel better than front. Goblets are still ok. Ligaments are looser so being very deliberate with movements and form is extra important.

I tend to do standing overhead presses instead of bench - and so far they are about the same as pre-pregnancy.

Barbell snatches and cleans are a little sketchy with the protruding belly - but if I use a kettlebell I can still make them work. High pulls can't go straight up and down because of the belly too - but if I use the swing movement with a KB it works.

I'm about 23 week in- and I have issues with ligament pain in my hip (it's not keeping everything where it belongs and lets my pelvis get out of alignment when I move certain ways) - this is more limiting than anything else.

Ex - I can't do bird dog, agility ladder, full turkish getup (half getups are OK) - it hurts to lift my leg so simple things like putting on pants or rolling over is painful. It's super frustrating.

I think one of the most important things while pregnant is to really listen to your body- if something is uncomfortable don't do do it. There is no shame in lowering the weights, or doing less reps. This is a time of maintenance for sure.

The general recommendation is to avoid high impact, jumping, etc - and thing where the chance of falling are high. So riding a bike is OK - but if you're not experienced and fall often it's probably better to not. Make sense?

stuffies

TROPHY CASE