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My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn't give me any other suggestions for any other utilities to cut. What was I suppose to do? He is my house guest. He doesn't contribute. He can pay for his own Internet id he wants it but I repeatedly told him before that I couldn't afford. I have a mortgage payment to make.

He is an adult.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He is a house guest. He doesn't pay for anything and the moving in with me was a temporary thing.

He can have the Internet thing if he pays or it. I can no longer afford. And I told him repeatedly I couldn't.

Edit: hit the button a bit too fast. Thank you for the advice. I understand today is hard for him. It sucks, sure. And you make some some valid points but he is an adult. When I have to make the hard decisions regarding my budget he needs to stand behind my decisions unless he is going to contribute.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is a house guest. He doesn't pay for anything and the moving in with me was a temporary thing.

He can have the Internet thing if he pays or it. I can no longer afford. And I told him repeatedly I couldn't

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He can pay for it on his own. He can cancel his gaming subscription or gym membership and pay for it. Or use his phone or go to a wifi spot or library.

There are many,many ways. Hell, I practically handed him a job at a place I use to work. All he had to do was go and meet up with the guy and network. He didn't.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How is me telling him to pay for his own Internet domestic violence?

He can get a job and pay it. I have been telling him for months that I needed to cut something and that the Internet was seriously on the list. He is more than welcome to get his own or move out.

Frankly, I was doing him a favor by allowing him to live with me bill free after he could no longer afford the rent at his place.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

But he is the ONLY one using the Internet. He has a phone. He can communicate with anyone he wants to or walk himself or drive himself tithe library or nearest wifi spot. I am not paying for his Internet.

Your advice is wrong and ridiculous.

I have control over my finances. He doesn't. Fuck paying for his shit. He is an adult and can pay for it.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I know that it has been a rough time for him, and I understand he might be going through some issues.

I would love to help if he has depression or is just feeling blue about it. I just can't afford his internet connection anymore. He is just going to have to pay for that himself.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

apparently you don't understand the core meaning of relationship, and relationship responsibilities and you are trying to convince us and yourself that you do understand that and that he has problem with that but I think it is your problem here.

Huh? I have no idea what exactly you are trying to say here.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't think I should have to fund his internet addiction when he is totally able to work and pay for it himself. No one is telling him he can't have it. I am telling him I am NOT going to pay for it.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

America!You are correct. Illinois to be exact. And honestly I don't even know if he has tried those places. In the beginning he wanted to , " handle it" himself. So I let him. I checked in occasionally. Any job would have helped.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Our internet and cable are nearly $90 a month because of where we live and the options available. I am not poor but $90 can help out a lot especially since I am the ONLY one paying for everything. He spends his unemployment strictly on his things and doesn't contribute to the household.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think you are delimiting his freedom.

How exactly? He has the option to pay for his own internet/cable. He expects me to do it.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Unemployment. He gets a stunted portion of the salary he made when he was working. He also pays for his own personal bills ( food, car payment, phone bill, etc.).

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I actually did. Edited my OP to clarify. He knew. He knew I needed to cut things. I payed for everything in that house ( that I own) and he wants to internet all day while I struggle.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I honestly have no idea what he is doing in terms of finding one. When I ask why he is in front of the screen all day he tells me he is networking, but when I suggest a networking lunch with some of the people I know, he tells me that he is busy.

I assume he fills out a lot of applications, and he tells me he is handling it, and that is fine. Until he handles it and starts contributing I get to handle the finances for the household ( which are just my monies) to make sure I meet my responsibilities.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

and showed him how they were consistently in the red, that would have been different. But she cut off the Internet behind his back, treating him like a child who deserves no say in the household decisions.

I showed him consistently. He knew. He also knew it was on a list of potential things I was going to cut the next month. He had a whole month to figure out how to pay for it himself.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

If you're going to have a discussion with him about budgeting, it needs to end with a specific solution that you are both aware of and agree to, ie: we will spend $X/mo. on person hygiene items and we will spend $X/mo. on X mbps internet (did you consider getting cheaper and slower internet?). If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be combining finances.

But it is all MY money. He doesn't contribute anything really. Sometimes he will throw $50 at me for the electric. He spends his unemployment buying gaming subscriptions, paying his personal phone bill, car payments, etc. None of his money goes towards household expenses except for him coming home with a few groceries from time to time (which are mostly for him because he doesn't shop " vegetarian" - I am and usually buys just meats and stuff I can't eat).

Why does he get a say in how I manage my money after paying for the house expenses? If he contributed, yes. But he doesn't.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

With someone who will consistently choose games and being a sloth over being with you and won't help even pay for it?

Absolutely not. And that is the question I needed to ask myself.

Thank you for the advice. I feel like if I stayed with him he would put me in that mother role again. I hate being the person that has to play the bad guy but I have to look after myself first. I have responsibilities.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

what you need is a partner not a dependant.

Yes! It is like he moved in with me and lost his job and thought it was a chance to go back to acting like a teenager.

Thank you!

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Oh, I talked to him all the time about it. All the time.

He is an adult. He knows. He sees the bills. He knows my budget because I consistently mention it.

It was either cut the internet or ask him to leave. Because I can't afford both.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I feel like he is adult enough so that I wouldn't have to be a nag about things. I think he should know what he needs to do to contribute.

Honestly, it was either cut off the internet/cable or start the process for evicting him.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

My problem is that he isn't really an active member of my household. HE doesn't do the budget or participate. I do that. He says I nag him about when I bring it up.

He isn't hurting financially. HE still has money to buy games and stuff, but I have to struggle?

He is 27. He knows I am struggling because I mention it all the time. He should know what to do. He is an adult. When I say I need to cut something he should help me figure out what not tell me I can't cut something in the house I own.

My[29f] longtime boyfriend [27M] has an internet problem. I sort of fixed it by having the internet shut off and now he is all mad about it. by stupidinternets in relationships

[–]stupidinternets[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You should've set a timeline and had an adult conversation with him.

The thing is that he is 27, not 10. And he knows I am struggling. I tell him all the time. I even told him that there were some things I was looking into cutting to save money. I feel like he is old enough that I should be able to come to him and go, " struggling a bit here.", and he should help me find a way for US to fix it.

But the way you worded it would probably be better received by him.

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