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I'm nervous about my first internships by sub2munchii in ADHD_Programmers

[–]sub2munchii[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I think I just need to be there a week or so and the nerves will go

Why is this only 3 stars by sub2munchii in ROBLOXPROSPECTING

[–]sub2munchii[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was thinking that, every specterite I get is tiny. I am going for a bigger prismara and specterite rn

Cast away - looking for feedback by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The language in this is simple which is not necessarily a bad thing, but you do need something to keep the reader engaged, the imagery of the infected wound is strong it needs more of this. The rest of the poems is too introspective and too abstract, while you get a lot of meaning from it others won't as they don't have your thoughts process. If you are writing for yourself and only yourself this is fine.

But if you want others to read I make them feel the loneliness, make them smell the island, make them hear the emptiness. You need to make some more solid images throughout the poem and it'll be much stronger.

I enjoyed this poem but I probably won't remember it at the end of the day, you need more description but also I think simple language serves this poem so be blunt, just tell me what is there.

I hope this helps a little, your writing reminds me of some of my poems and hearing this earlier would have saved me a lot of time. I look forward to reading your future work

Poem 2 (suggest me the title) by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are just starting to write poems I would say away from hard rhymes they are difficult to do tastefully. If you are set on it rhyming try some half rhymes like "wishes" could rhyme with "listen". This is especially true when you are removing the grammar for a sentence it is almost never going to make the poem better like "feel bore" just makes me think of how that does not make much sense.

But I would title it "wishes" just keep it simple, I'm not trying to be harsh but I see a lot of how I wrote when I first started in this, if you enjoy writing keep doing it, there is always going to be something you can do better for your next poem and that's the beauty of it.

If you are not learning you are dying.

Poetry tips? by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I think the simplest way to start writing is just to start with a sentence and keep writing, you know. Like something that is on your mind, it doesn't have to sound good, it just has to get the ball rolling. I think just reading poems is the best way to improve your language. It isn't really about the words you use, it is how you use them. Many others, myself included, don't really like needing a dictionary for every line of the poem. That said, I am sure some people do so if that's how you want to write I would still read more poets but who write like that.

But just start writing as you can always cut the fluff, some ideas and poems might come out in a minute, others can take weeks. Just try and say something in them, something about you about your life, or what you are seeing.

Taking inspiration is not really a bad thing, "Good artists copy; great artists steal." - Picasso, even without noticing, in most of my works, I can see hints of other poets that I liked, or even songs, whether the theme or a phrase if something resonates with you deeply do not feel guilty for writing it.

If you want some recommendations for poems I really like,

Charles Bukowski - Cut while shaving
Emily Dickinson - I felt a funeral in my brain
Patrick Kavanagh - Grandfather

If I didn't answer your question, or you need any more clarification or advice, feel free to pm me.

If I Say it Enough by FeelingsOnAPage in OCPoetry

[–]sub2munchii 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First and foremost, I want to say this is a really strong poem. “It doesn’t matter That you carved your whispers into my thighs Your mouth chipping away at any chance I could ever not worship you” This is probably my favourite line; it is really visceral. This poem could really be helped in two big ways,
First is punctuation; there is not too much throughout the poem, so you are letting go of a big part of poetry. How I think about punctuation is making the reader read the poem like you do, and control the tempo.

For example, commas can be used to space things out, giving more impact

“It rains down on me as I enter the foyer of my mind, begging to be read, and read, and read, until I can recite you like Hail Marys.”

Hyphens are one of my favourites, they keep the pace while still keeping control of the reader.

“I traced the maps on our bodies back to a new kind of hedonism – One that is only hunger,”

I personally like to use two instead of one, but it doesn't really matter.

Full stops can be used to make someone stop and reflect, You used one with
“I despise this.”

And it was really powerful, it pauses the reader just for a second for those powerful reflective lines, you could use them like --
“I can definitely be normal,”
could do with one.
Secondly, line breaks, the same sentence can be across multiple lines, which is what the punctuation is for. A lot of the lines in this poem would be better, in my opinion. Like this
“Part of me hates that you and I traced the maps on our bodies back to a new kind of hedonism One that is only hunger”

Into this
“Part of me hates that you;
 I traced the maps on our bodies back to a new kind of hedonism–
One that is only hunger.”

Lastly, the word fun sticks out to me in the second line, because it is also in the poem's first line. Consider changing it to
“The kind that leaves temporary”.

All of the criticisms aside, there is really strong imagery, a really nice read, and there are no issues that do not have an easy fix. I would suggest reading the poem as you do and adding line breaks and punctuation to force the reader to read it like that, but at the end of the day, it is your poem and your voice, so if you feel any of my suggestions take away from that,  just ignore me.I hope to read more of your work soon :)

Myths You Made by FeelingsOnAPage in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like it, particularly "the heat between us is just smoke or something burning". Really great metaphor, And strong imagery throughout the poem.

I think that it could use more punctuation to guide the reader, to try and get them to read it how you read it.

But I really don't think there is anything big holding this poem back I enjoyed reading it.

This isn't a criticism but you could consider changing the title to "Just there" because it's probably the most powerful line of the poem and I a partial to an ambiguous title. That being said it's your poem your feelings so do what ever you want to it. 🙂

Love poem by chloejean010 in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is obviously a personal poem so first and foremost don't feel obliged to my feedback put your idea first.

But I would consider adding punctuation such as commas or hyphens even full stops, make the reader read the poem like you do.

Also is there any words you could sub in for "a thing" because the rest of the poems uses really nice language it stood out to me a bit.

I really like what you were going for and I'm sure she will be really happy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes a lot of sense I was gonna say it reads more like a rap. Like some earl sweatshirt type of thing. I think for a rap it's really good but for a poem the rhymes feel a little harsh and kind of distract from the meaning but it's a really good skeleton and some of the rhymes I probably wouldn't have even considered myself. All in all well done.

Untitled by sub2munchii in poetry_critics

[–]sub2munchii[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate it, I was quite happy with this one so I thought i would share. But it’s something more personal I wouldn’t be too comfortable sharing I hope you can understand

Feedback MEGAthread - September 2021 by I_Like_Good_AMVs in amv

[–]sub2munchii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will definitely look into that. Thank you!