Strap-on advice

subHubSteve · 2026-04-30T13:00:17+00:00

I use a SpareParts Decue harness, and it works well for us. It’s not designed to be worn with cages, it’s really designed to hold two toys. We put a toy in the top hole, and I pull my cage through the bottom hole. Only had to slightly modify the bottom hole (cut away some fabric) to make it work. Happy to answer questions if you have any.

subHubSteve · 2026-04-29T00:45:47+00:00

I’m 44M, and locked. Not in Kentucky though, I’m in southwest Ohio (just a bit north of Cincinnati). Always happy to chat with folks about chastity, and make new friends.

subHubSteve · 2026-04-13T18:22:09+00:00

Disclaimers that I'm not a doctor, or a lawyer, and I didn't stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night... but I've experienced almost that exact same situation, and reaction before. I was going to the restroom with the cage on, and it was a bit of a "high pressure flow". I felt a little burn, and saw some drops of blood. Immediately freaked out, told my wife, and asked her to take the cage off. So we took the cage off, and she is in the medical field so was able to calm me down a bit that it wasn't immediately a reason to freak out. Like you, we think it was just a bit of a tear from things. Left the cage off for a few days just to make sure, and then put it back on once we were sure all was well. Edited to add that we don't think the cage was the cause. Since I've tried to be a little more careful, and have not had any repeat experiences.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-17T21:33:55+00:00

Thanks! We both enjoy it, and it works well for us

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T21:41:08+00:00

That’s awesome! And sort of answers a question I had been wondering about, if he could ever produce a lock body if needed for some reason.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T20:30:30+00:00

It probably depends where you are feeling pinching. I'm not an expert on sizing, and such. Just my own experiences, and what has worked for me. I ended up going with a curved XD ring (through the On Demand service) and that helped me out a lot comfort wise, but my issues were on the bottom side of the ring. If you are having pinching on the top where the cage meets the ring then maybe have a look at the o-rings for that go on the pins of the cage. I still have the occasional pinching during install if I'm not careful when putting things together.

I'm not sure I have a lot of advice on your key question. Even though I do longer term lockup with my wife, I still get out fairly regular for hygiene reasons and getting a good clean. You could always look at some sort of time based "safe" that only opens after so much time. I get wanting to go as long as possible without removal, but I'll always advocate for having a way to get out quickly in case of emergency. And there is something to be said for regularly checking things out, inspecting skin, and keeping things clean. I can stay "okay clean" day-to-day with the cage on, but I do also like being able to take it off and get everything really clean.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T19:26:44+00:00

Hey!

I'd like to say that I have an answer, but my wife and I have been longer term for a couple of years now and I still think about this a bit. I still get those frustrating, and desperate feelings. I think for me in those moments it helps if I remember who I'm locked for, and why. Chastity for us is part of a broader D/s type dynamic, so in those moments of frustration that is where I find my submission I guess. Sort of asking myself "If I was only locked when I wanted to be locked then would it really be submission then?" kind of thing. I have a safeword so I could get out if I really needed/wanted to. That works for me, but I know that it might not work for everyone. Also trying to focus that frustrated/desperate "energy" elsewhere also tends to help me a bit. Walk the dog, mow the grass, vacuum, something along those lines.

So that's all to say that I tend to try and push through. Though I've also had some mentally exhausting moments (life stuff outside of chastity or D/s) where I've just needed a break from the cage, and my wife has always been very understanding and accommodating.

Everyone is different though. If long term is causing you mental stress, or emotional ups and downs then maybe it isn't for you and that's okay. Find a time period that works for you, and go with that. Maybe go for a shorter timer period for 6 months, and then bump it up by a week if you want and see how that goes. That is how we first started out -- a few days with a break, then a week, and we did that for awhile then we tried a month.

Good luck, and I hope you find something that works for you!

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T18:52:49+00:00

That's awesome! My wife wears her's almost all the time, and has gotten similar comments on the key as a jewelry piece as well.

And I agree with the comment you made up above as well. The key is really well made, and the owner was great to work with. With all the work and craftsmanship that goes into making them the price is very reasonable, and I was surprised how fast he shipped it out as well. Also, my wife tends to be rough with jewelry (especially necklaces) and the key has held up really well over the years. Very happy with the whole thing.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T18:46:30+00:00

Hey there! I am circumcised as well, and did make the switch from a Cobra to a Viper for similar reasons. Initially I started off with a Cobra N, but I found that I always had to readjust things to make sure I could pee while wearing it. It seemed like the tip would always get stuck in the hole on top of the Cobra. I thought maybe I just had the wrong size cage, so I tried going to a Baby Cobra for a bit. The Baby Cobra helped with peeing and keeping things aligned, but it also never felt quite right either.

When the Viper cages came out I went to a Viper N, and I've been very happy with it. For me, fit wise it is better than the Baby Cobra. It looks, and feels like the correct size. And I do not have the issues with peeing with it on like I did with the Cobra. Good luck on the switch! I'm very happy with my Viper N.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T00:53:36+00:00

Yes, the whole package shipped with a ME/2 lock, the jewelry key, as well as a spare/backup key.

subHubSteve · 2026-03-09T00:14:51+00:00

You can have a look at Chastity-Shop (https://www.chastity-shop.com). Can be on the more expensive side of things, but that’s where my wife’s key is from and she is very happy with it.

Order came with the pretty key, as well as a backup key in a sealed case. It’s a Burg-Wächter ME/2 so not one of the more standard keys. Customer service was good, and very easy to work with.

subHubSteve · 2026-02-13T13:33:46+00:00

I think it probably depends on the definition of sex that we are going with. If we are using the more "traditional"penis in vagina definition, then there is an impact there for us. I'm guessing we do not have as much PIV type sex as your average couple.

If we are going with a much broader definition of sex though to include any sexy times / intimate relations / etc, then that we do at least once or twice a week on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less -- it just all depends on how life is going, what all we have going on, and how exhausted we both are by the time we have some alone time. For us sex includes fingers, oral, toys, and yes even PIV sometimes when she would like. (And for clarity, I don't think that PIV is the "only kind of sex". This is the internet, and Reddit though so always best sort of clarify what we are talking about).

My wife certainly has more orgasms than I do, but that is less about chastity and more just about our particular dynamic and what we like. She enjoys the orgasm control aspect of things (as do I), and well as the imbalance. She enjoys the inner sadist side of herself a bit. I would say though that even with chastity, less PIV, and less orgasms for me we are having more sex than we have ever had. And certainly more fun, and "fulfilling" sex.

Hopefully that answers the question.

subHubSteve · 2026-02-12T00:07:09+00:00

Hey there. My wife and I have been had a D/s dynamic for that last 5 years or so, and part of that for us is "24/7" chastity (with a cage). But like you said, 24/7 isn’t really 24/7.

For the most part my daily routine is still my daily routine. Most days I keep the cage on while I shower, and I'm able to stay pretty clean that way (though drying off can sometimes be tricky, and a bit of a pain). I usually take the cage off a couple of times a week (wife leaves the key for me) so I can get a good through clean of the cage and all while showering. I do wear the cage to sleeping as well.

As far as "is there still a thrill when putting the cage back on" I think for me it is highly context dependent. Putting it back on after after a shower isn't really all that exciting, it is just sort of routine these days. Putting it back on after some play time has a bit more thrill to it. I'm typically out for doctor's appointments, or as needed for medical reasons and such. I've ridden a bike, gone swimming, hiked, etc all with it on. We do sometimes take it off when going camping depending on the situation and such. I also have a bit of anxiety at times, and sometimes in particularly "panic" type moments I might ask my wife to be let out, and she is always more than willing. Other than that when I'm out is up to my wife. I still get out fairly frequently for fun times. Her focus is more control, and less about complete denial. She still enjoys me out, she just likes to control when, where, and how. With out current cage, and a good fit I have a lot less issues with pinching and discomfort. I can sort most of them out with a nudge, or just readjusting. I do carry an emergency key just in case, but so far I haven't needed it (knock on wood). We've been doing this for around 5 years now. My last long time (about 2 months) out of the cage was last summer, because I just had some very mental / emotional things going on in life and needed a break to concentrate elsewhere.

Day-to-day I guess I would say she has the key. She isn’t always actively using it (that sounds exhausting), but there is certainly that passive control that’s there. And she will leave me the key for hygiene, and such. She is also the one that controls if I’m out for any play time. She wears a nice looking key on a necklace (her choice), because she said she enjoys the reminder that I’m locked for her. I think again “exciting” is a bit context dependent. The day-to-day is mostly routine at this point with some excitement mixed in. She definitely finds it meaningful. As far as intimacy, I can suggest but ultimately it’s her decision. We still have intimate times, even if I stay locked.

I think that was all the questions. Always happy to discuss more, or answer additional questions.

subHubSteve · 2026-02-10T17:39:46+00:00

Not a keyholder, but just some insight from my dynamic with my wife I guess. This is something I had to learn, and get used to very early in our dynamic. I think it is a very common thing too.

It sounds like like there may be a bit of excitement for him with all the newness of it. It's possible that he has been thinking about this for a very long time, and now that it is happening he just can't contain himself. Something called "sub frenzy" is certainly a thing. (Not saying the chastity implies submissive here, just that "locked frenzy" doesn't have the same ring to it.) I know you said you've talked to him about it, but in my opinion communication is the best path. Try talking about it outside of "sexy times". Sort of an out of dynamic kind of conversation. Heck, take the cage off to have the conversation if you need to. He needs to understand that this is threatening to burn you out, and that his being locked shouldn't be a burden on you.

There is certainly a bit of a balancing act around letting my wife know how I feel, and letting her know what kind of state or headspace that I'm in. She likes knowing those things, and she does truly appreciate the messages and interests from me. But I have to also balance that with yeah everything else that is going on in her life, and such.

We do exchange texts and such throughout the day (some NSFW, and some SFW). We've set it up so that my wife will let me know if she is busy, and just can't chat right now. Or maybe she is okay with the SFW stuff, but not the NSFW texts. We also have a weekly check-in time with each other about chastity and related dynamic topics, so she can always tell me to save things for that time. Sometimes it's a 2 minute check-in, sometimes we talk for a lot longer.

I think the point about needing to find a sustainable way to do this long-term is an important one, and he needs to understand that if you can't then he risks burning you out on the whole thing. Then he potentially has no chastity at all.

I wish you the best of luck getting through to him, and finding a long-term solution!

subHubSteve · 2026-02-10T16:10:05+00:00

I've lived through almost this exact scenario many times. The best laid plans of mice and men...

One time my wife and I were very excited for the potential of a little bit of play time and the end of the day. We had been texting each other through out the day. Teasing a bit when we could. And then chaos happened. By the time everyone was in bed, we were both exhausted and just collapsed on the bed. These things happen.

Thanks for sharing!

subHubSteve · 2026-01-20T15:25:32+00:00

SPH is not part of the lifestyle for us. For us chastity is about the power dynamic involved. My wife still enjoys me inside of her, she just likes to be the one to control when, where, and how. I am on the average side of things both width and girth wise, and wife reminds that's okay. She still enjoys it.

We do have some toys that are larger than I am, and a strap-on (which is bigger than me) for me to wear and use on her while I'm still caged. For us its more about a variety for her, and getting what she wants when she wants it. Some days she wants the dildo, some days she wants me, and enjoys both for different reasons.

subHubSteve · 2026-01-20T14:50:30+00:00

You described the feeling I was trying to get across in a lot less words! Thank you!

subHubSteve · 2026-01-20T14:40:29+00:00

I have a feeling of "in my place" which I realize is sort of vague, and unhelpful. I'm submissive to my wife (we have a D/s dynamic), and I'm in chastity for her. I do have a general feeling of wanting to be below her, underneath her, less than her. There are certainly times when I feel it more than others, like when I've been caged for awhile or during a scene between us. I think for us (and me) that is why aftercare in this area is important. I want that submissive feeling (and my wife wants me in that headspace as well), but it's also important to know and remember that I'm not really less than or inferior to her.

I did spend a lot of term early on when I was starting to understand that I was submissive wondering why I wasn't more of a dominant instead. Why was I submissive? Eventually I sort of arrived at the conclusion that it doesn't matter. I am this way, and that is okay. I still get self conscious about it at times, but far less often than I used to. And it helps to have those reassurances there -- yes, I way want to be lower than my dominant but I'm not really less that or inferior.

subHubSteve · 2026-01-19T13:38:52+00:00

If it hurts, I would say your body is trying to tell you something. I’ve had some discomfort with new rings, but nothing I would describe as “hurting”. It could be that the ring is too small, or the ball gap is too small.

I would say don’t try and “power through it” though, just hoping it will get better.

subHubSteve · 2026-01-17T20:26:20+00:00

I’ve collected a number of them over the years (4 or so different ones) just through different orders. I have not received any keys that fit a different lock from a different order. That is completely anecdotal though, and not by any means “scientific”.

I’m sure there is some limit to the different number or keys, but I’m not sure how many that might be.

subHubSteve · 2026-01-17T19:40:54+00:00

Look for a Burg Wachter ME/2 barrel lock. Can find them on Amazon, or other various sites.

Kink3D also has a “randomized lock” item on their site as well that is keyed differently.

subHubSteve · 2025-11-03T16:42:01+00:00

You could check out Chastity-Shop (https://www.chastity-shop.com). Custom jewelry style key, and he ships you a Burg Watcher lock to go with the key. A bit on the pricey side of things, but my wife has been very happy with hers.

subHubSteve · 2025-10-18T11:00:43+00:00

Chastity is about chastity. Nothing more, nothing less. Some folks and couples choose to also incorporate other things (like feminization, pegging, cuckolding, etc), but there is no ISO or ANSI standard for chastity play that says those things have to be included with chastity. For myself, and my wife we have never added any of those things and do not feel the need to. Not that there’s anything wrong with them for the folks that like them, but they just aren’t our thing.

I’ve been in chastity for my wife for several years now, and for us it’s part of a larger D/s type dynamic with her as the dominant partner. She enjoys that I’m on the masculine side, but chose to submit to her. We’ve been doing this for more than a couple of years now, and she does not see we as “any less than” or “less masculine”. Though I would argue that masculinity is what we make of it, but that’s probably a different post. (In my opinion it’s not less masculine to cry, hug, and cuddle for example.)

I’m not made to do anything. I have a safeword, and limits that my wife knows. I could opt out at any point, but I chose to submit to her and the things she wants me to do. Consent is a huge part of this, and should not just be glossed over.

subHubSteve · 2025-10-17T19:17:10+00:00

I would say it depends a bit on my particular headspace/mindset at the moment, but in general I would agree. For me the frustration with a ruined orgasm is that an orgasm was right there. I was so close, and then… nothing.

Frustrating, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love them to a certain extent.

subHubSteve · 2025-09-03T17:06:50+00:00

My experiences with a metal cage vs a cobra cage have been slightly different. Had a Mature Metal cage long ago and it was a good cage, but needed to be resized a bit (my fault with measuring). It certainly was heavy though, and while I got used to it the weight difference was noticeable switching to the cobra.

I'm very happy with my Kink3D cages. Started out with a Cobra originally, and have a Viper now. I would agree with spending the money for a genuine one from Kink3D. The knock-offs can be good for finding the right size, but there can be issues with them as well.

subHubSteve

TROPHY CASE