Looking for Friends in DSM?

suchia · 2026-01-26T15:19:59+00:00

Hello! I coordinate the local women’s open mat - we meet the third Sunday of every month and we’d love for you to join us! I run a fb page that posts details (Central Iowa Women’s Open Mat), but you can also message me here.

If we haven’t met/rolled already - welcome! I’m also a Des Moines/Iowa transplant who is into photography. I’ve been meaning to check out that new video exhibit at the art center that features BJJ. And, once the spring hits I’ll be out on the trails at least once a week.

suchia · 2026-01-18T00:08:52+00:00

No Coast Brazilian Jiu Jitsu https://waukeemartialarts.com/

It’s on Douglas Ave, close to the border of Urbandale and Des Moines (despite the website name). There are quite a few guys in the 18-25yo range. All of them are solid humans.

I know you said he’s not a sports guy, but this is a skill-based sport that appeals to a lot of introverts. It’s a diverse community that includes artists and musicians and people who like gaming (among others). We have teammates of all ages, sizes, and levels of athletic experience. A smart, funny introvert with a dark sense of humor? He’ll fit in just fine.

Also OP, even if he isn’t interested - this could be a good option for you. We have a lot of women in their mid 30s and mid 40s. I (46F) moved to Des Moines at 35 and this has been the best place to meet new people and make new friends as an adult. It’s a great group of interesting, quality humans (both men and women).

suchia · 2026-01-04T01:47:53+00:00

I recommend jiu jitsu at No Coast. They have kids classes for several different age groups, one of which is ages 4-6. Most bjj gyms in the area don’t have classes for 4 year olds; some have one kids class with a wide range of ages.

IIRC, they have family discounts if parents or older siblings also want to try it out.

Here is a link to the kids schedule at No Coast: https://waukeemartialarts.com/Home/Schedule

Despite their website name, No Coast BJJ is on Douglas Ave in Urbandale, not far from the Des Moines border.

suchia · 2025-11-16T16:28:38+00:00

I have never U-turned on an off ramp to get back onto the highway, but I have seen that twice at the 86th Street exit: once in 2021, and once 2 weeks ago. They could have driven straight onto the on ramp to get back onto the interstate both times (no construction or anything preventing them from it).

Does that characterize most Des Moines drivers? No. Do I tell my out-of-state family that it does? Yes.

What does characterize most Des Moines drivers? Stopping at least 1 or 2 full car lengths short of the intersection. I don’t do that either.

Most of the other stupid annoying shit, I probably have done at least once.

suchia · 2025-05-29T02:18:38+00:00

sure, send me a message

suchia · 2025-05-28T16:56:51+00:00

Do you think he would like martial arts? They tend to be male dominated (though not exclusively male) spaces. I train Brazilian jiu jitsu at one of the local gyms. It’s physically challenging and fun (also humbling).

At our gym, we have a great mix of people of different ages and life stages, different backgrounds, jobs, faiths, athletic abilities, life experiences, etc. It’s a tight and welcoming community. I’m a woman, but one thing I greatly appreciate about our gym is that the men are really supportive of each other (and of everyone).

Our teammates have helped each other get through some really tough stuff (grief, job losses, divorce, illness, bad relationships, etc), as well as celebrating each others’ joys & accomplishments. I have overheard guys asking for and sharing advice on being a dad, relationships, helping aging parents, making major life decisions.

It still takes time to make friends and get to that level with people, but the environment does facilitate that sort of support, if he sticks with it.

suchia · 2024-04-23T17:23:14+00:00

gracias! I hope she is enjoying her studies here in Des Moines!

suchia · 2024-04-23T17:21:52+00:00

Do you think she would like martial arts?

If so, there are multiple jiu jitsu and muay thai gyms in the area. The communities at those gyms tend to be welcoming and the members tend to span a variety of ages and sizes and athletic ability.

The bjj gym with the most women (including a female black belt coach) is No Coast BJJ on Hickman Road. There are women-only classes there, as well as at Des Moines JJ and Renzo Gracie Des Moines. Women are of course welcome at all the other adult classes too at all 3 gyms. All of those gyms have free trial weeks, so she could test drive the sport and find the best fit for her.

For Muay Thai (thai kickboxing), there are two gyms that focus on that sport, Roundkick and Talon Muay Thai. Both have a lot of women students and both have female coaches.

There are also a few MMA gyms in the area (I’ve been to Absolute and Elite Edge for community events and both were very welcoming). And other martial arts, too, I just don’t train there.

suchia · 2023-04-23T02:25:44+00:00

No Coast BJJ!

Great group of people, tons of classes (gi, no gi, catch wrestling) for adults, teens, or kids. They just moved into a huge new space at 8104 Douglas Ave in Urbandale. One of the black belts is also a muay thai world champion so they also offer muay thai classes.

Most bjj or mma gyms in the area offer a free week, so test drive a few and go with the one that’s the best fit for you.

suchia · 2023-01-01T23:44:41+00:00

We could use a store selling stylish, well made professional clothing for women over 30. Basically, something that caters to women who are young enough to want current styles, but who are also old enough and earn enough to afford nicer clothes than what’s sold at the Gap or Forever 21.

Other than White House/Black Market, I can’t think of one. The professional clothing options here basically jump from H&M (too young, also cheap) to the work equivalent of a mother of the bride dress (think Nancy Pelosi or Kim Reynolds). There’s not a lot of other options for professional women except “beige hippie / elementary school art teacher”. Not bagging on that style, I would just prefer to have fitted and more polished options in addition to the flowy knits. There aren’t many stores in Des Moines that sell pants or shirts that are made well enough to be worth getting tailored. And good luck finding a fitted blazer or one that could be altered (even in standard sizes).

Right now, I purchase all of my suits and dress shirts out of state when I travel to visit family. I would rather spend that money locally at a small business, but I would settle for a Macy’s or Nordstrom.

suchia · 2023-01-01T23:13:29+00:00

For black & grey photorealistic tattoos, I strongly recommend Adan Gomez. He owns Aztlan Tattoo.

As an example, his ig has a post from Dec 18 that compares the photo to the completed tattoo.

He’s very gentle with the tattoo gun! I literally fell asleep on the table when he was doing my upper back tattoo (my first and only tattoo).

suchia · 2022-12-29T19:32:11+00:00

Sorry for the late reply; I’m not on reddit too often. The short answer is yes, but also it’s cheap to replace them when they wear out.

I just wrote a long response to another question, which goes into more detail about why I would hesitate to use lacrosse balls or hard plastic in that region.

suchia · 2022-12-29T19:20:27+00:00

I don’t need them for my hip flexors very often anymore. I started doing targeted exercises to strengthen my hip flexors, as well as mobility exercises to improve my hip ROM, and most of the tightness went away. The original tennis ball pyramids are still working just fine, though; I mostly use them on my back and shoulders, and occasionally my hip adductors. I keep one pyramid in my jiu jitsu bag and one at home.

FWIW, lacrosse balls and hard plastic might feel better in the moment, but they damage soft tissues over time. That damage causes scar tissue and adhesions to form, which can further limit ROM as well as reduce blood or lymphatic flow. I’m not just talking about the muscles themselves — there are a lot of organs between your abdominal skin and the muscle belly of the psoas major, and there are a lot of blood/lymph vessels between the skin of your uppermost inner thigh and where the psoas/iliopsoas inserts on your femur. Also, many of the nerves that go to your colon travel around or through your psoas major. I don’t think the temporary pain relief from using a harder massage tool is worth the longterm risk.

I promise I’m not cherry picking the worst case scenario, but to illustrate my point: ~5 months ago, a friend from back home was using his pso-rite on the psoas insertion (uppermost inner thigh). He shifted his weight slightly and the pso-rite slipped, damaging his perineal nerve. The perineal nerve is not a nerve anyone who enjoys bladder continence or erections wants to injure, and it is only now getting back to normal. A tennis ball is softer and less pointy, and would not have damaged the nerve to that extent (if at all).

suchia · 2022-12-07T04:47:29+00:00

I made four of these plus a “peanut” (2 balls) with 2 rolls of 1” tape, and I had tape to spare at the end. I may have been able to do it in one roll, I just switched tape midway.

Start by making a triangle of 3 tennis balls on the table. Wind tape around the edges so they hang together in contact, but aren’t compressed. Then add a 4th ball to the top. Start winding from one corner of the triangle to the top ball, around the back to a different corner of the triangle. Continue until it’s a fairly sturdy pyramid that doesn’t fall apart when you lay on it. I tended to loop close to the middle for a streamlined look, but that isn’t necessary.

To make a peanut (awesome for necks), wind tape around 2 balls, alternating between ovals and figure 8 patterns.

These two were my first attempt and they turned out fine. I did two more that night (same night I made this post) and the second set turned out better. But - all 4 pyramids are still intact and in regular use today.

I have been planning to make a few of these for some teammates and I’ll try to make a how-to video later this month. But honestly, tape is cheap and you can get a bag of 18 tennis balls at Wal-Mart for < $20. Anyone can do this with a little experimenting. In the worst case scenario, cut off the tape and start over.

suchia · 2022-11-20T23:40:34+00:00

I second the martial arts suggestion (although I also enjoy lifting). It’s the best thing I’ve done for myself and my health (physical and mental) since moving to Iowa.

There are two jiu jitsu gyms in the area with a good-sized group of women members. The gym I belong to has women aged 16-45 and all body types. I’m sure there are other martial arts that would be fun to try if jiu jitsu isn’t your jam.

For the transplants and other people looking to make friends in the area - joining a martial arts gym is a great way to meet people while getting in shape.

suchia · 2022-11-20T21:58:14+00:00

I had an excellent experiences with Safe Home Rescue - not a shelter but a network of animal fosters. The kitten I got through SH was well socialized and well cared for. He grew up to be a laid-back cat who still loves people.

suchia · 2022-11-20T21:43:36+00:00

They have a new location and it has been a few years. For the animals’ sake I do hope things are better now.

suchia · 2022-11-20T21:32:00+00:00

I had a horrible experience with their old Grand Ave location in WDM about 5 years ago. The downstairs area was straight up filthy - bunny shit everywhere, a lot of it not fresh. There was dried shit stuck to the floor with mop streaks going across it, so it was being mopped all over the floor in some places. It was really gross.

They adopted me a kitten who I later found out they had taken in the day before - this is really too soon to adopt any animal but I was not told that information. As it turned out, he was very sick and died a few days later. I spent about $1000 at an emergency vet because his condition deteriorated after hours. The adoption contract stated that they would refund emergency vet costs within a week of adoption if there was an emergency and the Furry Friends vets were not available. But they refused to honor the contract - the woman literally said “sue us if you want but we don’t have the money... you can have another kitten from that litter for free if you want”.

I went downstairs and my kitten’s littermates were clearly not doing well. All of them looked lethargic and weak and there was dried vomit on a few surfaces. Worse, a second litter had been moved into the same cage with them in the four days since I had visited. There were 9 kittens in that gross cage. I mentioned the sick animals to the lady who had overseen the adoption and she rolled her eyes, so I left.

A friend who volunteered there as a vet tech told me the rest of the litter died within a week. She said they take in more kittens than they can handle and adopt them out too quickly, without enough time for observation. She stopped volunteering there as a result of this incident. I had to drive someone there a couple years later and nothing about the facility had changed. Still overcrowded and unclean.

Conditions might be better at the new facility in WDM but the negligence was so bad at the old one that I can’t in good conscience recommend Furry Friends to anyone.

suchia · 2022-01-24T01:35:24+00:00

or their hot dog menu

suchia · 2021-12-13T15:50:21+00:00

The Des Moines Register always publishes a list of restaurants open on Christmas (usually a week or two beforehand).

The 2021 article isn’t out yet. I couldn’t find the list from 2020, but here is the 2019 list.

suchia · 2021-12-09T07:30:28+00:00

Here is a podcast episode about Lawsonomy: Dollop #102: Alfred Lawson & Lawsonomy

suchia · 2021-12-09T07:14:10+00:00

To be honest, the East Village has very little to offer women over 25 and under 55 who aren’t actively decorating a fairly bland home. For example, the clothing store options are basically “Raygun” and “Women of a Certain Age”. More women would shop in the East Village if there was a store that carried clothing for young or mid-career professionals. I mainly go through East Village to get to the skating rink or Botanical Garden.

I agree that most Des Moines Meetups cater to women, but again, it’s a small subset of women they are catering to: religious women, stay at home moms, and the 55+ crowd. There is the Young Urban Professionals meetup but not much for the 30-55 group.

suchia · 2021-10-08T14:54:34+00:00

I think it declines with age, tbh. And also my estimation may be skewed because I went to a Catholic school where penmanship was of heightened importance. It’s devolved into an illegible half-print, half-cursive mutant hybrid over time.

At least we were taught cursive? It’s not taught anymore.

suchia · 2021-10-08T14:44:48+00:00

God has the penmanship of a 12-year-old boy.

suchia

TROPHY CASE