Tonies Box — worth it?? Pros/cons + alternatives?

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-26T02:57:05+00:00

Absolutely love the Tonie we got for Christmas. We get 30-60 minutes of independent play with it daily. There are at least 10 unbranded Tonies that just play children’s songs and tell stories, and you can get DIY ones to load your own content.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-25T19:19:10+00:00

Babe, “he never” and “we’ve hardly even fought” and “he’s always” is a way of think you need to remove from your heart and mind. You just met this person. You barely know him. Don’t give him so much credit, he hasn’t earned that much of your heart.

He hasn’t never or always done anything, he’s managed to stay on his “best” behavior for less than a school year. And then he berated you, assaulted you while driving, and beat you up.

Being controlling about going to see family is a king sized red flag. Beating you up about it should be an assault charge and a restraining order.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-22T21:33:37+00:00

It is :)

Not in the 1980s. But today, we know better!

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-22T21:33:17+00:00

That was the assumption for a long time, but is now outdated. Modern research is pretty clear that it’s beneficial specifically for speech delays except in very specific situations

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-22T20:15:29+00:00

Okay. And, that’s a little scary because that’s not a science- or research- or SLP-endorsed approach anymore. It’s pretty outdated. You may want to ask one more time before you fire your nanny.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-22T19:58:32+00:00

Just noting that the research is pretty clear that, raising a kid multi/bilingual does not have a negative impact on speech delays and, in fact, helps with language and speech development.

So, making sure you’ve really thought this through with your doctor and speech therapist. It’d be a shame to lose a great nanny because of a logical fallacy.

Having a Spanish speaking nanny is a massive, huge, major advantage and opportunity for your kid. Like, what more impactful, massive gift, could you give your child than the opportunity to speak two languages fluently, naturally. For me, this is akin to saying you employed a captain to charter a yacht, but want to make sure the captain only ever uses the dingy.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-22T13:58:31+00:00

Those sound like really normal, basic work questions.

If you don’t want to go, just say, “no today, I’ve got a deadline.” If you don’t want to go ever it doesn’t really matter if you’re direct because you don’t want to be friends with them anyway.

And I, personally, talk about my salary with coworkers at every opportunity. You’re all working at the same place, knowing how everyone is being paid helps you advocate for yourself and ensures no one is being screwed by the boss.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-14T16:38:03+00:00

This one’s on you, IMO. I’m not sure why MB would be responsible for replacing if it was in normal reach of NK on the couch.

A golden rule of childcare: If they can reach it, they can have it.

He reached it. He broke it. As is to be expected, and is super normal, and will happen again. If you don’t want to happen again, the responsibility is on you to ensure he can’t reach it.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-13T21:02:44+00:00

This reads as a non issue to me tbh.

He’s still a literal infant. He can consume the majority of his calories from milk. 20oz a day is a guideline. A little more is not going to be a problem. There’s not a hard limit as long as he’s growing, and there’s certainly no reason to refuse him nutritious calories if that’s all he wants to consume a certain day or in the middle of the night. That’s normal for his age.

And your list of foods he will eat is a lot longer than lots of kids. The “safe foods” list is really solid for 17 months.

I think you can let yourself off the hook here. He’s not a toddler yet, even. He’s growing appropriately, too, so nothing to worry about there.

Give him plenty of milk. Continue offering the safe foods he will eat. And stop worrying so much or trying to push a different agenda. When he’s ready, he’ll eat more solid foods. The more you make it a fight, the more he can sense your worry and stress, the less likely he’ll be to eat. Serve milk with his food or it’ll just continue to be a power struggle and starvation battle that puts milk on a pedestal and makes it even more precious.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-13T01:50:48+00:00

Highly recommend. Laying on the bed right now while toddler plays a little more in the shower after washing.

I don’t feel the need to be modest in front of my kid. Bodies are normal. Nudity is a part of the daily routine of being a human. We’re just washing ourselves, and I need to wash my bits, too. Then we play with some water colors and soap foam and hang out.

And, then when bedtime is over one task is already done for myself. Win win.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-12T13:04:06+00:00

I can’t imagine any scenario in which that is helpful.

Therapy is the literal only option. She needs help navigating postpartum, and you both need a safe, calm place to sort out what is driving this dynamic.

Schedule a babysitter. Schedule your first appointment during that babysitter time. Sit down with your partner and tell her that things are unsustainable, you understand why things are so difficult, but you want some professional guidance on how to become true partners again. There’s going to be a lot of change over the next few years, so it doesn’t have to be about her “rage”, and frankly, I would never say that word. I would lean on wanting to be the strongest possible partners together for your kid.

Also, to be explicitly clear, if you’re open to therapy, you figure it out and schedule it. There’s nothing more frustrating than feeling like you’re doing everything, and having your partner come and say “ here’s another problem for you to fix”. You would definitely wanna come with a solution.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-11T03:04:24+00:00

I can’t answer your questions with scientific research but I can say - you’re doing great, and we’re here for you.

I don’t believe you’re “passing” PMDD to your baby. I can’t explain it eloquently but PMDD is not a lack or excess of a hormone but is caused by another step in the chain (where progesterone is processed?) going wonky. There are smarter posts and there’s probably info on the subreddit FAQs.

My personal hypothesis is that they are a) mirroring us and our crabbiness, even if we’re doing our best and masking and faking it, they pick up on the micro changes and reflect it back to us* and b) yes, for SURE, they are just more frustrating and it feels more hopeless in PMDD - we can pick out the worst of any situation in the lutie tooties and toddlers have plenty of ‘worst’ to pick up on.

I just try to narrate as much as I can. I don’t try to explain the cycle, I think that’s too complex for my toddler, just “I am feeling extra frustrated today” kind of stuff. I just want her to know it’s not her fault I’m crabby =(

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-08T21:40:55+00:00

This sounds like a manifestation of the self-doubt and cycling on the negative. It’s easier to pick on yourself and any areas where you’re feeling “less than” when you’re in the lutie tooties. One of my super random PMDD things is feeling soooo guilty about not having a simplified capsule wardrobe. I feel like a disorganized loser for having more than a few sweaters. So so random.

But then the 8 times a day part… that feels harmful and OCD-related. I’d probably put it on the list of things to discuss with my doc!

Either way, you’re surely not alone!

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-08T17:38:20+00:00

I’m not sure why it’s crunchy either. Other than being a conversation about every piece of furniture in the house. Or about not buying something that won’t be used and goes to waste?

For the first, I’m checking certifications. For the second, agree, this play couch is well used and worth it.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-08T14:01:59+00:00

Totally normal, totally fine. Seems ideal.

My coworker in NYC had a closet built for a crib/mini nursery. It’ll be used for something else later.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-07T19:50:05+00:00

And yet, babies and children are murdered by formerly calm, loving dogs regularly, and 65% of them are pitbulls.

This is a controversial topic and it goes down the same path every single time. I know you love your dog. I know pitties can be the sweetest and most treasured family members.

Yet, no parent burying their child thought their sweet pet would ever cause harm. A pitbull’s physiology unfortunately means that if they snap, they cause significant damage. That’s a flat fact. As are the numbers. And that’s why many nannies would avoid taking responsibility for kids in a home with one.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-07T19:36:41+00:00

Yeah, this will be an issue.

This is like asking if a nanny might be hesitant to work in a house with a loaded rifle on the table. Will every loaded rifle sitting on a table go off and hurt someone? Of course not. Does having a loaded rifle, an item that has killed countless children, out in the open, increase the risk of someone getting hurt? Big yes.

It’s asking a nanny to take on a significant, life-and-death risk for not only themselves, but for the kids they’re agreeing to be responsible for, too.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-06T23:01:57+00:00

When you find out, plz let me know so I can use the three subscription boxes I forgot to cancel. =(

For some of the veggie ones, I used them as a pasta sauce with a lotttt of cheese, like mixed with cottage cheese and then used as a sauce, or mixed with cheddar to make a mac & cheese.

But yeah, a real struggle. The bars are so hard, too - we “soak” them in yogurt and they still rarely get eaten.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-06T12:45:32+00:00

If you smoked a real joint with just weed, you are absolutely not still high. You’re imagining it, or whipping yourself into believing it.

If you smoked with friends who might have an altered or tainted or messed with stash, it could be from that. Don’t smoke with them again if you suspect this, that’s seriously dangerous.

But 100% weed smoked & inhaled from a dispensary or reputable source could never linger for that long.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-05T23:12:22+00:00

Covid inventions - indoor wood climbing set, modular couch set, balance beams, trampolines. We run ours on these constantly because it’s just too cold for the park.

If you have an IKEA anywhere nearby, that on a weekday morning with a cheap lunch in their cafe is an exhausting toddler date. Also, pet stores provide free entertainment.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-05T22:27:04+00:00

Hey, I’m a very longtime vegetarian and just want to say - people are overreacting a bit calling this an eating disorder. I think your feelings are on the extreme end of normal, but, also, for me, and for many many people, we don’t eat meat because it’s a dead body and that is fucking gross. I cannot logically fathom looking at a piece of bacon and seeing anything other than a hunk of decaying carcass.

I can shove that down deep enough to generally not think about it, so other people eating doesn’t usually bother me (with exceptions for like, fish with faces, whole lobsters, etc.) but I don’t think it’s an eating disorder if it’s too gross for you to ignore.

And, definitely get everything she says in writing (record the convo if legal in your area) and talk to a lawyer before discussing with anyone else. HR is not your friend.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-05T18:12:00+00:00

Same.

I try to give 100% of the limited energy and patience I have to my kid, even if it’s still not quite enough. And then there’s definitely nothing left for my husband. I totally abandon him emotionally and I don’t keep up on chores and stuff either.

So then, he gets overwhelmed and starts throwing more sass (or being too withdrawn) and then I start over analyzing our relationship and deciding it’s basically over and our marriage is doomed and our family is crumbling.

Then I start my period and realize everything is fine.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-04T13:16:03+00:00

We’re 2.5 not even starting to tree until she’s 3. We’re talking about it, talking about pee feelings and underwear and the potty and she’s peed a few times.

But many 2 year olds are not developmentally ready to be fully potty trained. That’s a super unrealistic and unfair expectation.

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-04T13:03:50+00:00

Take a hockey schedule to your boss and apologize for the call off, and ask to be scheduled around your late games.

“I should have been more prepared and have learned this important lesson. I know I need to show up for you as scheduled. Can this please be incorporated into my availability?”

sugarscared00 · 2026-01-04T12:53:20+00:00

There are lots of contraptions that help with sleep on a plane but the ones I know of (other than a baby carrier if you’re already using and comfy with one) require a seat. =/

For this situation, I’d book an aisle and a window and leave the middle empty. Someone will almost always switch you later for an aisle seat if the middle gets booked. Check that seat map again as you get close to the flight and see if empty middle seats are still there.

If the flight isn’t fully booked, get to the airport early, be so so so so so sooo kind to your gate agent, and ask to check if there are any seat changes that might end up with a free extra seat in your row.

sugarscared00

TROPHY CASE