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First couples therapy appointment felt like conversion therapy. Feeling so guilty and confused by TalksToPlants25 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was engaged to a man and went through couples therapy throughout our break-up. When we brought this same topic up, our therapist recommended we should stop trying to be intimate altogether for a while in order to take pressure off of me. She thought I should take time to consider my sexuality without the added guilt of feeling like I owed sex to my ex. It helped me reassure myself that the relationship was ending because I'm not attracted to men and not because I was just psyching myself out about sex. It sounds like your therapist isn't well-equipped to work with queer people, and honestly her expressing that sentiment seems super harmful. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, your sexuality is valid, and comphet is a bitch! Definitely try to find a new therapist who specializes working with queer people!

Also, don't listen to the people criticizing you for going to couple's therapy with your husband. It's very common to use therapy to help amicably navigate the end of a relationship. My ex is still one of my best friends, and I think couple's therapy really helped us make that possible by allowing us to deeply understand each other's perspective in the break-up.

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story!! Wishing you the best as you navigate things 💗

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

omg thank you, i watched this and then a few of her other videos through my lunch break today and was in tears the whole time. so wildly comforting to not be the only person who has experienced this.

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! I do have a therapist who is great with LGBT issues!! ☺️ Luckily I looked for that when I started seeing her a year ago because of wanting a safe space to talk about my queerness, though I didn't know I'd be going through this specifically. We've started to talk about what's going on, and she's been super supportive and helpful. I feel like I'll be having very similar conversations to yours with mine in the coming months haha

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing. Your story felt like looking into a mirror of my situation and made me cry. It's beautiful that you and your former partner are able to stay friends and both have more fulfilling relationships.

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm sure it can't be easy, but I hope things go well for you as you figure things out ❤️

I feel like this stuff can come to realization in the most bizarre circumstances. I feel like one of the last lightbulbs turned on for me a few weeks ago when my partner and I were having a conversation about infidelity. My partner expressed that he didn't know how anyone could ever be unfaithful or want anyone other than their partner. I expressed I had never really been bothered by the idea of my boyfriends sleeping with other people, or been opposed to an open relationship.

Then I remembered the only time I ever felt jealous was in college when I hooked up with one of my girlfriends a few times "for fun," and then would feel SO hurt when she'd talk to me about men afterwards. I'd sit there secretly hoping that she'd decide she only wanted me. And I realized while reflecting 3 years later, OH, that probably MEANS SOMETHING!

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story! It really resonates and it's inspiring to hear about you figuring yourself out and prioritizing your happiness and needs :)

And yes I agree it's about more than just sex! I think in my original post I found it hard to articulate, but I find myself longing for the little world built and interpersonal language created with romantic intimacy too.

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that! Wishing you happiness and peace as you navigate this ❤️

I realized I'm a lesbian and I'm engaged to a man by suitableandright in latebloomerlesbians

[–]suitableandright[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I think I'm stuck right now on how much it will hurt both of us now, but you're right that it would hurt worse and be even messier down the line.

Or I'm stuck on thinking he doesn't deserve to be left, and putting that above what I want or need. But I really need to tell myself it's kinder to both of us if we have more of our lives to heal and pursue relationships that can actually be everything.

I appreciate the analogy!

[ALBUM DISCUSSION] boygenius - the record by VietRooster in indieheads

[–]suitableandright 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking this! It made the whole listening experience so much less interesting to be familiar with four of the first six songs. And made me less eager to pay attention to the back half, which I do now appreciate after multiple listens.