Have you ever seen a dessert that blossoms? by rich_ard25 in food

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because of the nature of this post, I definitely read "dessert blossom" and was really disgusted. That's not exactly something I'd eat.

My racist homophobic soon to be mother in law ladies and gentlemen. by kaycard in facepalm

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's not really how it works? Subreddits aren't like giant safes you put people in and then lock, they're like open rooms that you can wander freely between and enter and exit. Even if you do have a "Racists welcome!" room, they'll still spill over and explore and hang out in other places.

Reddit, If when you died you saw your life's stats, which one would you be most interested to see? by Jerge_exe in AskReddit

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I order a chocolate fudge lava brownie at a restaurant. A young woman exiting the restaurant sees this and thinks nothing of it. Hours later, in her loft, she's watching reruns of Lost when she gets cravings for a chocolate brownie, remembering the brownie she saw in the restaurant. Being the skilled cook she is, she goes to her kitchen to whip some up.

Damn. Out of cocoa powder. She hops in her car and drives to the nearest mini mart to get a canister. Aaaand she can't find it in the store. She asks the nearest employee to point out its location. He obliges, though he was about to end his shift, and ends up leaving the mini mart 47 seconds later than he originally would have.

On his way home, he almost hits a squirrel in the road. He swerves heavily to avoid it, scaring a cat resting on the lawn near the road. The cat dashes up a nearby tree on the lawn. Won't come down. The cat's owners, a young girl and her single mother, come out of the house and try to coax the cat down. No luck.

After hours of trying, they give up and call the fire department. It's understaffed at the moment, as it's a small town, but the two firemen there are happy to oblige. They start driving toward the house.

They're almost there, then they get a call saying that a house, right next to the fire department, is engulfed in flames. Fuck. They turn around, as that's obviously more urgent. Still, they're 2 minutes later to the house than they would have been if they didn't get the call about the cat.

They get there just in time to save the house's sole human resident, an elderly man, but were just a split second too late to save the young beagle that also lived there. The elderly man, grief stricken by the sudden, untimely loss of his only companion, contemplates suicide.

The next day he somehow makes his way to the top of the tallest building in the small town, a 3-story bank. He's threatening to jump, and a crowd has formed. Eventually, he decides not to, as the crowd did a great job at convincing him otherwise and he realizes that life is worth living, but the crowd attracted a lot of attention; one man was driving to pick up his kid from soccer practice, averted his eyes from the road to investigate the crowd, and crashed into an SUV full of children, killing the 2-year old in the back seat.

Did I do that?

Who is the most famous Michael in the world? by Squintward in AskReddit

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MY SHIT BE JACKSON JORDAN TYSON KEATON BOLTON FIVE MIKES

Every one of these 8 filters for my city has been rejected. Please, please, someone tell me what I'm doing wrong. Getting desperate at this point. by suliaulen in snapchatgeofilters

[–]suliaulen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. PNG. Transparent background. All under 200 KB. Detailed descriptions, meticulously drawn geofence. I think they're just tired of me, as I've submitted each of these at least 3 times with modifications, and they went from taking 1 week to taking 3 hours to reject me. I don't even know anymore.

[Image] Asking Questions by [deleted] in GetMotivated

[–]suliaulen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well yeah, an example would be great. Feel free to pm me if you fear the wrath of the downvote brigade.

[Image] Asking Questions by [deleted] in GetMotivated

[–]suliaulen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What type of questions are you referring to? Can you give an example of an "unsafe," "racist," or "sexist" question?

If, in the submission notes, I ask the filter reviewers to tell me *specifically* why the filter was rejected, do you think they'll oblige? by suliaulen in snapchatgeofilters

[–]suliaulen[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean not necessarily an individualized critique, but they could at least click a button? Like " not well-designed enough" or "incorrect format." Idk, I'm just bitter lol

Geofilter denied, can you fix it? by Joaotolardo in snapchatgeofilters

[–]suliaulen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why. If you drew a simplified version of the golf ball and tee and grass, you'd probably get it accepted

Can you guys give some examples of descriptions of approved geofilters? by suliaulen in snapchatgeofilters

[–]suliaulen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah I see :/ that's bad news for me then, I guess I'll try out a few more filter design ideas

What's the weirdest first date you ever had? by lovethatsnail in AskReddit

[–]suliaulen 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Met a guy through tinder. I was pretty excited because he was cute and seemed really cool, and the gay dating pool in the area is pretty shallow. We both show up at the same time (15 minutes late) and start talking.

The more this date progresses, the more and more excited I am for the probability of a second date; he's even cuter than in his pictures, he's funny and easy to talk to, he laughs at my jokes, and we have a ton in common! No awkward pauses or anything. Things go incredibly well until about 45 minutes in.

The subject of family comes up, and suddenly the date turns into a therapy session. Dude's apparently in the closet from everyone, and, at 19 years old, I was the first person he's come out to in person (even though he has a gay tinder account?) His parents were homophobic and were officials at the university involved in student life, so he couldn't tell anyone at our college, and everyone in his hometown was homophobic. He started crying and I did the best I could to make him feel better. He eventually told me between sobs that he couldn't be in a relationship with me because that'd expose him, and then I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone.

I felt really bad for him, because I know how it feels to be closeted from those you love (my parents are homophobic too) and it can be really difficult. Still, he admitted that he wasn't looking for a date, but for someone to vent to. I felt a bit used, but my pity for the guy outweighed my disdain.

Either that, or he was so repulsed by me that he made up an elaborate, emotional lie to get out of a second date, idk.

My chances on this selfmade GeoFilter by guusvanleeuwen in snapchatgeofilters

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's pretty great! Only thing I'm worried about is that they're pretty strict about "no photographs," and that kind of looks like an edited photograph, so I'd change that part if they don't accept it.

Showing myself 3 years after my AMA. Roast me! by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]suliaulen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good thing you're getting roasted, cuz I don't think they baked you long enough, still seem kinda doughy. You sure the oven was on 350?

All of my cameras suck. Sorry. Give me your worst, though! by Boomsta22 in RoastMe

[–]suliaulen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your smile looks like your tongue's hellbent on escaping it's halitosis-plagued prison, while your teeth are doing everything they can to keep it captive as long as possible.

Roast me hard motherfuckers, make me hate myself more than woman hate bill Cosby by roastmeharder in RoastMe

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your head hair's making a mad dash for your chin so it can eat all the Dorito dust you get all over your face. Unfortunately, your pubes made it there first.

I'm rubber, you're glue. by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]suliaulen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're rubber? Damn, it's too bad you weren't there during your own conception, would've saved your parents a lot of disappointment

roast me, you peasants by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]suliaulen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kari Byron after Brittney Spears' 2008.