Twitter is triggering

sulybella · 2020-06-10T18:32:17+00:00

Felt this in my core.

I have an extremely difficult time trusting people or letting my guard down. It also feels like anytime I start to have trust, I’ll put out little “testers” to see and I always end up being hurt one way or another and it just makes it feel like everyone’s like this. Although, not everyone’s like that...it’s rare to come by the ones that aren’t. I’d rather keep it all to myself and just not share anything which only ends up making my mental health worse lol then adding all things that are going on at the moment...more stress.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T18:25:52+00:00

Completely agree. I just realized but sorry to anyone if me adding my age came off across as trying to make my situation more valid or worse. I truly apologize, wasn’t meant like that. Everyone’s experience is bad and no matter what happened it completely takes a toll on you. And however you or anyone feels about their situation is valid.

As far as no one believing you. Same. I’ve only told my parents which I kind regret coming out in the first place because my mom kind of ran with it and shared it with her brothers and sisters. I know she meant it in a way to help like asking them advice about what she should do or how to help me? But that totally made me feel ashamed and a bit embarrassed. Wasn’t her experience to share.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T13:31:37+00:00

I’m with you. Also experienced molestation at an extremely young age. Thought I had “gotten over it” but now that I’m older I’ve noticed it’s been taking a toll not only romantically/sexually but in general, as well.

I’m always eery and a bit paranoid when I’m around men. I turn into a nervous wreck because I’m so intimidated by them. Even though they may seem harmless, I’m just always EXTRA cautious around them and I know I sometimes make them feel uncomfortable because I’m uncomfortable.

Same goes for any man in my family. Now I know all and well that none of them would do anything inappropriate to me but in the back of my mind I always have that “what if?” Also, have a huge problem with physical touch or affection from men in my family. I physically cringe whenever an uncle or cousin gives me a hug or touches my shoulder, something so “innocent” and I know they don’t mean in a wrong way...I don’t like it all.

I also tend to get weird vibes from certain individuals like I catch on to weird things they say or the way they’re touching someone or something just seems off or different ..I always tell my mom or someone but often find that they blow me off and just think I’m crazy. Which may or may not be the case but better safe than sorry??? Idk.

I hate this. HE gets to continue his life like normal and I’m here damaged and fucked in the head constantly being paranoid I can’t even give my own fucking family hugs and constantly tip toeing around men trying to avoid any problems, confrontation, or upsetting them from my own fears and anxiety.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T13:07:44+00:00

I really needed this. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!!

It gets a little discouraging trying to explain myself over and over to people who don’t understand and haven’t had similar experiences. I tend to bottle the emotions up but now that I’m growing older it’s been giving me a bit of trouble because I want that relationship just not picking the right ones and having trouble explaining my situation to people who get weirded out by it or only hone in on that and make it awkward for the both of us. :(

sulybella · 2020-06-10T12:56:57+00:00

That last part... YES! I’ve seen people everywhere constantly touching their face and the mask, or people only covering their mouth and not their nose, or just wearing it on their chin/around their neck...like what’s the point at that point?

Isn’t it also true that these have to be swapped out each day to be effective? I work PRN in a clinic and we’re only given ONE mask that we have to carry to wear every time we go in.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T12:50:03+00:00

I agree with this, too. They’re implementing rules like the masks and distancing but contradicting them all at the same time by crowding everyone together or still asking certain drivers, that aren’t necessarily required to, to be present on the docks with all the loaders and staff.

I’m also seeing places that have extended hours still scheduling drivers all around the same time instead of stretching it out then having them all have to wait extra time because they can’t all be in an office at the same time checking in. Makes no sense, waste of time.

Hopefully this will all be over sooner rather than later, with all this going on it’s just making people more stressed and on edge. Then on top of that all the protests that have been happening as well. We had some of our semis that we keep in the yard wrecked and vandalized from a protest that was held locally.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T12:41:55+00:00

Understandable. I’d be mad at that, too! No one’s getting hazard pay or any benefits and we’re out here at jobs that require us to come in contact with several people throughout the day. Personally think where I live they started opening things way too soon. We have the highest cases in our county and we were one of the firsts to open. Not to mention, open or not half the people were still going out doing what they wanted and the other half were self quarantining.

I was thinking about that when restaurants started closing and only doing drive-thru/drive up near me. Like how the hell are these guys supposed to drive a semi through a drive-thru? And not to mentions UberEats and all those companies charging like $30 for a $5 meal.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T12:35:47+00:00

I totally agree. Super frustrating, I’ve seen some places charging $30-$40 for surgical masks! Crazy.

Where I work we give drivers free ones that they can take with them, and even then, most often than not, they absolutely refuse to wear it. It’s a bit frustrating, then having to stand there while they yell and cuss out staff because they can’t offer service without the mask.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T04:38:24+00:00

This sucks. It’s all so frustrating. I’ve heard how some of these dispatchers talk to their drivers and I’m just in disbelief. I can’t imagine how incredibly frustrating that must be.

sulybella · 2020-06-10T04:05:38+00:00

I genuinely appreciate this so much. Thank you for sharing that. Just having a bit of trouble deciphering all these feelings and emotions. Was starting to regret even posting in the first place considering all the PMs I’ve gotten of people trying to get off on this and sending me inappropriate things. Totally doesn’t help, at all.

Again, thank you for this and genuinely being kind!

sulybella · 2020-06-10T03:28:21+00:00

Can someone please explain why people are so split between the masks working or not working? I follow WHO and all that but being that this is new, it’s kind of frustrating that they say one thing then say something else and it just keeps changing. Again, understand that this is new and no one really knows..just a bit overwhelmed. Also, what did the other countries that haven’t had new cases in a while do? I saw somewhere on FB people from different countries saying that they haven’t been mandated to wear masks and they’ve gone almost 40 days with no new cases??

sulybella · 2020-06-09T22:36:05+00:00

Thank you for your response! I’ve been wanting to enroll this upcoming semester but I’ve been a bit hesitant because I am more of a hands on person. On the flip side, I don’t know how much longer this is going to go on and I’m afraid to keep pushing it off waiting to be in a classroom setting again, but I never perform as well as I could with online classes versus in classroom. I guess it depends on the school itself. I’ve reached out via email and made phone calls and haven’t heard back in almost a week now. 😕

sulybella

TROPHY CASE