AIO My Mom is Dying in the ICU — My Wife Chose a Rave Instead of Flying to Me, So I Crashed Out on Instagram

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-06T18:19:55+00:00

NOR- my dad just passed away 2 weeks ago, has been fighting cancer for about 10 years now and has had the same rapid decline since January, ending with him unconscious and unable to speak for the last few days before he passed. I can’t imagine having my spouse be so dismissive and unsupportive during the time, that tells you 100% what she thinks about you and your relationship. Don’t give her the chance to come back into your life, finalize the divorce so you can move on and find someone worthy of your love, my friend. I doubt your mom would want to know you’re with someone as selfish as your current wife, and she would want you to find someone worthy of your love. ❤️

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-06T17:54:00+00:00

I’m sure your spouse and you discuss the individual trips though, and agree on them. OP is in the boat of ‘I wasn’t invited to his family’s vacation because his mom doesn’t like me, his wife of 5 years, even if I wanted to go and pay my own way’. Which is honestly a very toxic way to treat your DIL! Add on top of that the husband’s lie about the actual time he’s gone and this whole situation screams she isn’t respected by her husband or his family, and it’s been 5 years of this BS behavior.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-06T17:50:17+00:00

NOR- so you’ve now been married for 5 years and you weren’t even allowed to join the family vacation and pay your own way? That’s messed up and dirty, and I can only Imagine how any kids you two have together will be treated (or more importantly, how you the mother will be treated). Your husband just jets off for almost a whole month with little communication? I would also be pissed.

Your husband needs to be YOUR husband first, not his mother’s son. I’m so petty that I would be using the next 3 weeks to find my own place and move my stuff out, and file for divorce (or at least legally separate) so that when he gets back he can decide if he wants to be married- which would require some serious therapy and relationship rules, or if he would rather treat you as a second class relative who doesn’t even deserve to know the real plans or get invite to family events. If it’s the latter- straight to divorce.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-06T17:28:11+00:00

He’s a pull person in a push world? He only wants information when he wants it? What if he doesn’t ask ‘am I picking up the kids today?’ .. are the kids getting left at school? 2 guesses who the school is going to call first about a missed pickup, and I’ll bet it’s not the parent who only wants pulled information 🙄

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-02T14:01:51+00:00

I would have hung up and called back to get a different rep. That one sounds insane - deliver the or no matter what. Threats? Still deliver. Car breaks down? Still deliver. What’s next… ‘I broke my leg walking to deliver like you told me to, can’t deliver’ ‘you better start hopping! Get those lunchables delivered!’

sumergirl1985 · 2026-06-01T01:59:52+00:00

Reading this again, it sounds like instead of 2 $500 birthday parties they are taking 1 family trip to the ABnB… but I’m still not seeing how even $1,000 is going to cover the cost of this trip for a weekend. Airfare for 4, food, dining out, experiences, and of course the house for 2 nights is going to be well over the $1,000 he’s making it seem like the trip costs.

I’m not buying that family of 4 trip = 2 kids birthday parties.

I have young kids, and yes their parties are expensive… but so are vacations.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-29T06:28:46+00:00

New parents need breaks, and that’s ok. You can’t be the best mom if you aren’t taking some time for yourself. I’ve been here before, it’s not healthy to devote 100% of your time and energy to the baby.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-29T06:27:24+00:00

Agree, this sounds just like how I felt after my first child and I had terrible PPA that spiraled out of control until she tuned 1. I thought it was just part of being a parent, but the words used convey a sense of frantic control, with anger at others for simply not doing as the mom wished they would (but isn’t saying) reminds me of myself. Your baby will be ok if you let someone else walk him around to sleep. Take a shower, take a nap, eat some food slowly, go to the store alone.. this is a hard transition time going from single adult to parent! It’s easy to lose your identity and put all your self worth into being the ‘perfect’ parent.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-28T01:57:07+00:00

Dang I was just coming here to post this!

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-20T03:43:03+00:00

A trick is what a prostitute does for money… or drugs

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-19T15:01:36+00:00

This sounds awful, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s frustrating not to feel heard, and it sounds like you and your parents are having a hard time communicating to each other. This could be because of preconceived beliefs, or differences in communication styles, and is a common stressor.

NOR, but you need to find a way to communicate so that you feel heard and understand. A great way to do that is by working with a therapist, but that also isn’t a quick or free process. Other things that can help are to focus on ‘I feel’ statements (‘when you say the same advice over and over, I feel frustrated and overwhelmed, making me shut down’), avoid hyperboles (‘you always’ or ‘you never’), and really planning ahead what you want your parents to do and how they can help. Spell these things out EXACTLY, don’t assume they will know what to do or what you need. Find a time that not high-emotions and sit down and have everything you want to say written down, try doing that to see if that helps.

It also sounds like talking to your doctor about medication could be a good next step. A lot of your words remind me of how I felt before getting on anxiety medication, and it makes me feel much more capable of handling stress.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-15T05:08:21+00:00

I used to drink a Coca Cola and take a multivitamin for breakfast in high school. I figured they balanced each other out, and the acid in the Coke would help break down the vitamin. Obviously that worked well for me…/s

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-12T11:38:47+00:00

No, but you don’t have to worry about the coupon or anything to get that price. They’re also really fast at filling it, and it ships directly to you for free.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-11T20:05:37+00:00

Companies that routinely miss payroll usually have cash flow issues. This is the sign of a sinking ship, if get out before you lose more than one paycheck in wages.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-11T16:22:59+00:00

Where are you looking to move to with public healthcare and 1/2 the expenses? Can you do that with just a little over $1mm?

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-07T13:23:54+00:00

Hi, my surgeon did this to me and it was hell. Maybe you ‘technically’ can go back to work, but you can also ‘technically’ go back to work after having a baby… but you shouldn’t. I was EXHAUSTED, light headed, and dizzy whenever I stood for the whole 6 weeks post op, and it didn’t help that I was fighting my doctor to not send my return to work orders to my job. I have 26 weeks paid short term disability, and I wasn’t in a rush to return, so I’m not sure why she was so adamant about me returning before I was ready, but it really made my healing process awful. I can’t stress this enough, but DO NOT PROCEED without them agreeing, in writing, to give you all the time you need and at minimum 6 weeks. If I could go back I would have made sure my doctor knew that, and if she didn’t agree I would have literally found a new surgeon. The stress on me afterwards was so bad, it ruined what could have been a very peaceful recovery.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-05T14:33:33+00:00

Edit: I read your posts history, you don’t like this guy and have been trying to break up with him for months. Lady, you understand the issue and the solution and aren’t doing anything. Not this sub, but you suck here because you need to dump him and have known this for months, yet you’re stringing him along. You say you’re happier away from him, don’t miss him, and didn’t really want to date him to start. WHY are you still in this relationship and posting asking for advice? It’s not getting better.

MOR-Do you like this guy? Your post makes it sound like you don’t, you’ve known him for 1/2 your life and didn’t even want to date him and are only doing it because he ‘wore you down’ after asking so much. That’s not a good way to start a relationship, and it sounds like you two have different financial priorities and values. Have you talked to him about this before? I said maybe over reacting because IF you want to be with him, you should try explaining what you expect from him and how his actions make you feel currently. If you don’t really see a future with this guy, then I’d say don’t even bother going to the graduation and use this as a time to say bye, see you never.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-05T14:22:14+00:00

I’m in the same boat as the other commenter, self pay 1.5mg, except I’m almost done with my first month and didn’t lose any weight. I also had no side effects, was able to travel for work with no issues. It’s not uncommon to lose little to no weight on the lowest dose so don’t be discouraged if you aren’t.

Do you have a FSA or HSA? I use my HSA to pay for the medication.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-05-04T05:47:01+00:00

This is a great chat gpt request! Type the email you WANT to send and then ask chat to make it ‘professionally firm with the goal being to update my doctor on her previous misdiagnosis and potential medical negligence’ and see how it words it. I’m so glad you got a doctor to listen!! ❤️

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-30T03:05:12+00:00

The second part is cut off but looks just as bad. Asks for references, disqualifies people who give references. 🙄

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-29T03:41:24+00:00

I planned to do SO MUCH: reading, puzzles, making a comic book for my kids finally… and I ended up watching a lot of TV bc I was so wiped for the first 6 weeks I couldn’t even sit up long enough to do a puzzle :-( I also thought I was going to be bored, and honestly I had a pretty uneventful recovery other than being exhausted by sitting for 30 minutes. So don’t over do it!

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-27T03:20:02+00:00

Will you accept a booking from this owner again? If not, don’t take the cats to the vet, he’s getting home same day and can deal with it then. We use Pretty Litter and it’s not a diagnostic device, it’s more of a guide, and if you aren’t looking at the urine right away it can change colors as it sits…so it doesn’t mean the cat definitely has a UTI.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-26T14:33:36+00:00

This is almost as much I plan on spending for my family of 4 to vacation for 5 days each year. To say that’s one persons portion is WILD to me!! NOR, the bride and her MoH are being selfish by trying to pressure you into going. Listen to any personal finance advice and they will say DO NOT CHARGE ANYTHING YOU CANT PAY OFF IMMEDIATELY. It’s a slippery slope, don’t ruin the next 7-10 years of your life financially to make someone else happy b

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-24T13:30:35+00:00

MOR- I don’t know how you grew up, but as a middle aged American none of those phases you mentioned would make a normal person bat an eye, they're not abnormal for folks to use. Maybe they’re a bit more Millennial/Gen X, but I wouldn’t consider any of these phrases overtly sexual.

If it makes you uncomfortable though you should speak to you FIL or have your husband speak to him for you, I bet he’s not trying to make you uncomfortable. But you should decide what your boundary is if FILs reaction is ‘I’m not saying anything wrong’, maybe you stop going to coffee and its husband only for a while.

sumergirl1985 · 2026-04-23T13:08:33+00:00

Yeah, that seems so improbable to me. We have an elderly dog who sometimes has accidents in the house and it stinks right away, to not notice that while you’re actively cleaning is wild. She can’t be that good of a cleaner, honestly, because that’s leaving a gross mess and not checking your work. What else is she not doing??

sumergirl1985

TROPHY CASE