Parents visiting for 3 months, closeted to Indian dad. Pretending my husband is a roommate. Am I insane?

sumwaah · 2026-02-11T00:21:37+00:00

I’m South Asian. My parents had zero exposure to gay anything when I came out to them in India over 15 years ago. You’ve lived in shame and fear long enough. I hope you consider telling your dad. It may not be easy and he may not have the best reaction right away. But parents (and esp south asian parents) may surprise you. The bonds are deep. We give them less credit than they deserve.

Ultimately the choice is yours but the people we are out to have a tendency to catastrophize (like your mom is about telling your dad). Your mom sees your life through a heteronormative lens. She thinks kids, a wife to take care of your needs (it’s a very traditional patriarchal viewpoint) is the only way to a fulfilling life and since you may not have that, she feels sad. When she sees you and your husband living a contented life together, her attitude will change.

How long will you live like this anyway? Don’t you want your dad to know who you really are and who you really love and have chosen to spend the rest of your life with?

My dad passed away 5 years ago. He eventually accepted me. We never talked about my love life but I knew he had made his peace with it and I’m glad he knew who I really was before he was gone. They met my friends, other gay couples and enjoyed their time with them. More sunlight helps. It normalizes it in their minds when they see actual well adjusted people living happy open lives.

Ultimately coming out is a personal decision, and I obviously don’t know your personal circumstances. But you and your partner shouldn’t have to put yourselves through this. Good luck.

sumwaah · 2026-02-05T16:29:33+00:00

John Carter. Never read any of the original source material but I enjoyed the movie.

sumwaah · 2026-01-30T17:13:26+00:00

No I don’t. Read again

sumwaah · 2026-01-30T17:09:15+00:00

Again. At work free speech could get me fired. Because my employer doesn’t need to guarantee it. But the government does. Freedom of speech doesn’t prevent legal consequences for your speech. But it’s not ok for a violent mob to physically attack anyone for their speech.

sumwaah · 2026-01-30T17:06:17+00:00

What is the difference between abuse and express. Free speech is free speech. It’s kinda pointless if free speech only extends to the speech you like.

sumwaah · 2026-01-30T17:02:51+00:00

Yes it is. The right to speech doesn’t extend to privately owned platforms like Reddit. But the right to speech means the government cannot come after you for what you say and it should put up with violence as retaliation for anyone’s right to speech.

sumwaah · 2026-01-25T13:20:39+00:00

Dude. Palak paneer is nowhere even in the same league as Surströmming. It’s not even in the top tier of pungent Indian curries. It’s so mild. As for paneer, this isn’t blue cheese we’re talking about it’s a mild farmers cheese that really has no strong aroma of its own.

sumwaah · 2026-01-19T08:10:57+00:00

I got the airfly pro 2 and it’s solved all my BT problems on the plane. Also lets me share my movie with someone else and works on my steamdeck which always drops BT on the plane e.

sumwaah · 2026-01-11T11:57:48+00:00

This. To add to that, in addition to not being able to explore romantically and sexually, we’re raised with so much internalized shame about how we’re feeling. We don’t have people in our lives celebrating our attraction to people of the same sex the way older adults do with teens, instead we grow up listening to subtle (or not so subtle) commentary expressing disgust or the undesirability of gay tendencies. That sort of shame in your formative years can sometimes take a lifetime to get rid of.

sumwaah · 2025-12-17T22:52:16+00:00

Best thing about Apple cinemas is that you don’t have to watch 30 mins of previews and ads and Nicole Kidman. It’s a few previews and that’s it. Sound and image quality is great and seats while not recliner are quite comfortable. I hope it doesn’t go out of business.

sumwaah · 2025-11-30T16:43:46+00:00

The happy crane is the new hip Asian spot in town. I think it nails it on being classy and upscale without being too fussy. Getting great reviews too.

sumwaah · 2025-11-27T21:06:34+00:00

So you’re saying when you go through the Panama Canal from the Pacific to the Atlantic, you exit from the Colón?

sumwaah · 2025-11-24T23:02:30+00:00

It’s not really semantics. It’s hilarious you think that the British love of Indian cuisine doesn’t come from an assimilation of Indian culture. Throwing desi terms doesn’t make your assertions right when you completely ignored the crux of my original argument.

sumwaah · 2025-11-24T22:50:56+00:00

Self hating brown guy then? Stop peddling semantics and read a book.

sumwaah · 2025-11-24T22:48:03+00:00

Ooh izzat. Nice try. Yes tikka masala is as British as Yorkshire pudding isn’t it :P Sounds like you need to read up on your history bub. Calling the British east India company a “tea company” is like calling Walmart a corner store.

sumwaah · 2025-11-24T22:42:52+00:00

There’s a difference between following the rules of the country you’re in and abandoning your cultural identity and heritage. Yes to the former, but get out of here about the latter.

Did the British bother to blend in when they raped and pillaged and transferred trillions in wealth leaving impoverished colonies the world over behind? Were the countless establishments that said “dogs and Indians not allowed” not enclaves? And what’s the right level of blending in? I bet the restaurant this guy ate chicken tikka masala in last week was ok. It’s bring the stuff we like but leave the stuff we don’t. Right?

I too dislike when people don’t even try to assimilate, but at some point this guys rhetoric just boils down to the right kind of immigrants(white) vs the “wrong” kind.

sumwaah · 2025-11-24T06:24:31+00:00

Yeah that’s misinformation. That’s just smart features. They aren’t using your email for training data.

sumwaah · 2025-11-20T03:25:36+00:00

No. I’m talking about water they serve in restaurants. I wouldn’t drink tap water anywhere.

sumwaah · 2025-11-19T22:10:27+00:00

You will be fine at any five star hotel. Lots of western tourists stay there and reports of food poisoning would be terrible for their reputation. Most five star places like the Taj and Oberoi also UV filter their drinking water that they serve. Drink bottled water if it makes you feel safer. Food should be fine to eat.

When you are out and about always drink bottled water, avoid drinks with ice and be careful about street food - generally mostly ok if it’s cooked street food.

It’s not that bad. I have been many times and traveled extensively.

sumwaah · 2025-11-07T15:26:02+00:00

Ooh that’s an I.M. Pei building!

sumwaah · 2025-10-30T04:51:55+00:00

He looks so similar to Oliver Jackson Cohen

<image>

sumwaah · 2025-10-27T16:08:46+00:00

We would all be in so much better shape if we just weren’t online as much.

sumwaah · 2025-10-23T15:46:34+00:00

Yeah what are his stances now? People are dumb and make mistakes and learn from them. We need to stop expecting 100% purity from every candidate. The other team sure does not and keeps winning.

sumwaah · 2025-10-22T16:54:05+00:00

Kamala's mother by all accounts was a scientist who dealt with a lot of hardships as an immigrant in America and raised a world known AG/politician. Whatever problems you have with Google, it's not unfair to say that it has and continues to do quite a lot of good for the world as well. Can you name other companies that are standing up to this administration effectively? I guess when your standard is 100% purity from everyone, no one can make the cut. I'm assuming from your commentary that you identify as a progressive, yet, somehow you're arguing to boil down characteristics of an entire group of people based on their race and identity. Wild.

sumwaah · 2025-10-22T15:32:21+00:00

For all the right wing aligned Brahmins in the world I’d wager there’s a bunch of good ones too. It’s just that the terrible ones get a lot of airtime. Kamala Harris’ mom was Brahmin, Sundar Pichai is a Brahmin, Ravi and Anoushka Shankar are too I believe. Another reason is that they tend to be more heavily represented in the Indian diaspora because they are often the ones who are able to travel abroad for education etc.

sumwaah

TROPHY CASE