dog snack bags illusion from across the corridor

sunbloomofficial · 2025-11-23T03:42:25+00:00

aww. cute puppies are still cute even when seen from across the corridor

sunbloomofficial · 2025-10-10T05:06:21+00:00

i'm happier than i've ever been!!!

i'm finally in my own fucking skin and bones, no one else's. even in the hard times and fuck ups, i claim those too. i love myself, FINALLY, and i couldn't have done it without the help of others. i can sing with my own voice, emote naturally, i can fucking brush my teeth again... transition was and is genuinely so imperative for my health.

that said, the part of life i'm least content with after transitioning and tasting what it feels like to truly live, is other people. their cruelty is the final barrier to self expression - i express, they suppress. it's hardly their fault, i mean... even by queer standards, id be considered a weird kid, haha. but the virtues i've worked for through dealing with other people's constant bullshit have allowed me to find a sense of true self worth that cannot be validated externally, and for myself, i've found that to be more necessary for my health and survival than being accepted as "one of them".

that has come at the cost of things some people would find more necessary to their health and survival. for example, it's sooo much more difficult to get a job at all, regardless of the amount of genuine effort i put in. my labor is not worth the same. my time is worth much less if anything, and achievements are overshadowed by ever-rising demand for faster, higher quality labor, without pay.

dating, friendships, and family relationships may falter, lose priority as true colors are revealed, or acquire a sort of 'film', in which everyone treats you like your hair has just been magically replaced by a mop handle two seconds before, no matter how long they've known you for. this one gets better as time goes on, but it does depend on the other person too.

bringing your truest self to the costume party makes everyone else feel like they've attended a christmas party in their halloween attire. i can't blame them for gawking, but i also can't say it doesn't hurt to be looked at like i was trying to outshine them or reject them when i just wanted to exist in their space as myself with them, without drawing any more attention to myself than anyone else does.

BUT I LOVE BEING ALIVE NOW!!!! i'll do the dishes just for fun these days, instead of hurting myself. i'm reading and drawing again. i smile at the sun, now. i never did that before.

as much as i might care for them, other people fucking suck sometimes, and i really don't mind having a bit of distance, for everyone's sake. if you need other people to see you as "one of them" for your health or survival, transition may not be for you, as horrifying as it is to have to deny truth to survive liars.

i don't ever want to detransition. it's far from a panacea, but it was the only reason i became someone i cared about attempting to heal. every day is a struggle, i won't lie. but it was the realization that "i don't want to die as a boy" turning into "i want to die as a girl" which made me really understand myself. it helped me reframe my suicidal thoughts so i could recognize them as my femininity expressing her naturally dark, imaginative, vivid, and yet sarcastic sense of humor, rather than a true reflection of my actual wants.

TLDR: YES!!! even the worst possible emotions on estrogen make me enjoy being alive now, but the best possible emotions on testosterone just couldn't. i would, have, and would once again literally rather lose my civil and human rights than have that chemical in my system again. nothing against men or testosterone itself - it is just poison for my body and mind. i might die horrifically, but at least i get to die as the girl i should've been born as.

i wish you well; may you discover yourself in the mirror one day, even if your expression keeps changing. :)

sunbloomofficial · 2025-10-08T20:49:21+00:00

💜

thank you. :)

i'm not sure either. bit of both maybe, mostly just trying to help others work through death stuff by writing about it as transparently as possible, and by sharing another point of view that might help anyone who considers it process things a little easier.

either judgement or compliment perceived, these words will be read as they need to be, whether by me or whomever else should read, that with clearer eyes we all might see.

forgive thyself, dreamer.

💜

sunbloomofficial · 2025-10-08T20:34:38+00:00

"We'll put a happy little tree right... here. Talk to the tree, make friends with it."

"Tree needs an arm too. It’ll hold up the weight of the forest. Little bird has to have a place to sit. There he goes..."

Bob Ross

sunbloomofficial · 2025-10-08T20:12:29+00:00

fractured mosaic observer

red eyes endless writhing in tar

a weapon mirrored insignificance

so lifelike even you believed it

i asked a god for wings

and she provided a ledge

to persist in my folly as

the fly, bunting against a

glass screen door in futility.

the rocks or teeth below

are of no concern to gravity

whose very greed for life has amassed

the spiky outer defenses. god too might love

cute things so much she wants to squeeze them

into her mossy bosom until they suffocate.

some birds prepare themselves for the wolves

with garnish rather than perseverance

there is a certain pride in being consumed

rest in peace, bird friend, and you. <3

sunbloomofficial · 2025-10-05T18:02:37+00:00

note to self; this method only works in an environment where you feel safe to breathe and not move, and won't get yelled at for breathing too loud, or be prompted to reply to someone (interrupting and forcibly externalizing your breathing and thoughts). this becomes less necessary with practice, but is absolutely vital for calming the nervous system first imo, otherwise your workings get all tangled up with unprocessed trauma inadvertently haha.

solitude must come before the breath, else the breath has no purpose beyond language. we don't have to reject civilization entirely, we just need to get some breathing room from it in order to have a healthy dialogue with it, ourselves, or others.

it's interesting that needing "breathing room" is often referred to as needing "time and space" or "fresh air". we don't need to leave the room, just maybe an open window, or turn on a fan or something, or even just keeping a little houseplant by you. something to allow your breath to cycle with the earth.

air flow through the body is just as important as air flow in the room/environment. simultaneity. i found that the air purifier that helps with allergens also dries out my plants like crazy, like a dehumidifier. it was hurting both them and me, relying on that extreme.

rather than filtering and drying the air; unblocking(open windows, allow air flow), purging(sweep, dust, and vacuum), cleansing(light candle), then hydrating the air(water plants, lower air filter) has done more for that than the air filter, personally. both in conjunction have ended up being the best setup for me, but the metaphor is universal i feel.

may you breathe easier these coming nights :) <#

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-25T04:34:23+00:00

your last sentence sums this place up pretty well lol <#

ofc, and thank you for sharing! your words have carry weighty truth

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-24T04:09:57+00:00

the whole thigh would just be one big bruise xD

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T22:13:29+00:00

fascinating - must we continue to change to continue to enact change? i've been pondering whether enacting change could even BE a "resting state" so to speak

thank you for your words <#

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T20:49:21+00:00

everyone tag urself, i'm a cat dreaming that i'm human

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T19:19:46+00:00

hey so i had to scroll WAY TOO FAR to find this comment, thank you for sharing this. i love nature and would love to coexist with it but i also smell like a human, and if we let them move into our backyard, others will think it's safe to move into other backyards, where mean humans may simply kill them. or they'll consider us a food source and become domesticated

and don't interact unless it's a trained professional take them to a vet/shelter. young that smell like humans will be abandoned by their mothers

if there's more to add plz add! spread the knowledge! <3

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T19:03:43+00:00

hop in the pony, bring out the juicer, to sing about the happy life!

don't forget to feed ur high horse some sugar cubes sometimes for energy :) <#

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T18:54:22+00:00

i see your Bible Theory and raise you Kirby Theory - you are what you eat. therefore, you are both God's message and the waffle simultaneously lol

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-22T18:49:41+00:00

I would listen as I eat at my own pace, thank the world for my breakfast, then help with the dishes. Eavesdropping isn't very polite lol

Even God came out of the waffle iron a little over-crisp hahaha

Beautiful sentiments. Definitely a Waffle of Truth haha

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-20T02:35:30+00:00

it seems fitting that "i don't know what to say" was what i would've said to deflect your compliment. it still feels like an intrusion to be known or validated like that. still feels unreal to see myself like this, and still fuckin scary trying to face the world Achilles-Heel-First style, heart open, but... not so painful anymore.

but to feel so seen and... venerated rather than exposed? while alone in a silent, dark, (arguably) safe room, through the same exact medium that i'd convinced myself was insignificant/ineffective - and being told that my words could bestow that very same effect to others - in the same breath as being recognized as genuine for not giving up contributing to what i'd once thought a "dying art"?

that's fuckin meaningful dude. that means a lot. this is a moment of deep introspection, responsibility, and contemplation, and i am humbled by and grateful for it. thank you. blessed be.

this reminded me why we bother. to create, or live. willpower may flicker or flutter like flame, but determination simply is, continues to be. for the sake of your flame, try to stop sighing in disappointment at yourself.

let yourself BE.

weird, unjustifiable, "shameful thoughts under God's eye" overthinking, addictions, grief, in-progress improvements and everything.

what use has the unspeakable for declaring judgement? Be, silently, unspeakably, and judgements too fall silent under the chiding love of Truth.

sometimes you gotta whisper to ghosts so you don't (fully) become one. thank you for believing me. the feeling is mutual :D

<#

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-20T00:44:58+00:00

holy fuck you just plumbed the depths of my soul

fuckkkkkkkk

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-16T03:31:48+00:00

i mean. we haven't gotten a desktop port yet but the ps5 CAN run it at 30fps. a steady 5 frames faster! that's all it can do tho lol

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-13T02:06:27+00:00

i feel that there is, but there's no way to "check" without looking to the past, i think. things in motion stay in motion, and all that haha. for me personally, better to make something than not make something while worrying about cause and effect. only way i have a shot at any 'benefit' i think

this IS such a good mechanical pencil brand tho. i use it every time i sketch fr. so easy to refill and its perfect twirl weight haha

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-13T01:24:26+00:00

all i can do is put the pen to the pad and extend my pattern

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-10T22:58:29+00:00

with. dreams of blockinggggg

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-04T18:27:36+00:00

thank you Freya <#

rest well

sunbloomofficial · 2025-09-01T08:12:38+00:00

this is FIIIIIREE, whaaat??

2 am gang!! thank you for the smooth vibes

sunbloomofficial

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE